SG Security guard
Hey, hey, wait. Hey, hey, guys. Look, look. You can't be here, man. Y-You got to go.
SG Security guard
It's private property, that's why.
It's an abandoned orphanage. Why can't we be here?
Who gives a shit, man? What are you doing here? You **** protecting the ghosts of dead orphans?
SG Security guard
Look, fat Kanye, shut your damn mouth. I'll be back in five minutes [Oscar raises middle finger] for you assholes. If you're still here, I'm calling the cops, period. [Walks away]
Oscar You better get the cops, man, 'cause you're a fake cop. You need the real ones. Mother****ers.
I feel bad. We- we were a little too mean.
Yeah, he's a really good guy.
See that guy is what is wrong with Staten Island. We don’t get any of the cool people from any of the other boroughs. No one comes here. We’re stuck with the pricks who live here.
Oscar You’re talking about us, right in front of us.
Kind of. I mean no one comes here! There’s no flow of people. That guy’s like two hundred. We’ve known him since we were six.
T Tara
Why can’t this be like Brooklyn?
There’s no reason we shouldn’t be cool like Brooklyn. We’ve got amazing views. It’s close to the city. It’s cheap. Nice people. It makes no sense.
We’re like the only place New Jersey looks down on. You could see the garbage dump from space. This place is never gonna change.
No. It happened to the Meatpacking District, the Village. Brooklyn used to be a shithole. We’re next. I’m gonna take my civil service test. I’m gonna work for the city in city planning. You watch, this place is going to be **** Williamsburg in ten years.
Why do you wanna work in the city and do city planning? That sounds so boring.
T Tara
I feel like Brooklyn is better. I dated a guy that lived in Brooklyn. He was a mixologist. He made ice cubes out of milk. He was so classy.
Oscar Shut up.
I love Staten Island. It’s amazing. And people are gonna see it soon. Trust me.
If you love it so much, why don’t you let me tattoo it on you?
No, I’m not letting you tattoo me again.
Well I need somebody to tattoo. Come on Rich, what about you man?
Don’t even look at me, dude.
[Points to tattoo of Obama tattoo on his arm]
Your work is mad inconsistent. Obama ain’t right.
I got the eyes wrong, okay?
He’s not right! This has hurt me. I don’t have any black friends anymore. I can’t go to a barber shop no more. You got Obama wrong. Ain’t nothing worse than that.
What about you, Igor? You want a dragon or something?
I love your tattoos. My brother? It’s the spitting image. It’s my favorite. No this is my favorite. [Lifts his shirt to reveal a tattoo of a cat with his navel implied to be the anus]
I really worked hard on the eyes.
He’s so cute. I love his butthole. It reminds me that I have a belly button. So I’m good.
I gotta go. Watching you beg to give tattoos is too sad. And that’s freaking me out.
[At the beach with Oscar and Richie drinking and Scott finishes up tattooing Igor]
That looks really good.
I wish you’d let me do something cooler but yeah. We see the tattoo, a smiley face captioned “Unfollow Me.”
**** no. That hurt so bad.
Oscar Another dumb tattoo.
I like the pain. The pain’s the whole point of getting tattoos. Don’t you just love when you get a tattoo and it hits the bone and pinches a nerve and you’re like “Ah!”
I’m not a fan of the pain.
You shouldn’t let him do it to you. He’s inconsistent.
Oscar That tattoo’s dumb.
Y’all should’ve told me when you saw the design.
Oscar It says “Unfollow Me.” You don’t even have that many followers.
Bro, she’s imaginary!
Scott: Carla not real, dude.
How many times do we have to say this? Oscar punches a bug.
Oscar I hate bugs, dog. I’m a gangster!
Oscar [Oscar spots Raymond's son; Harold, a nine-year-old boy nearby]
There’s a kid down there. Yo, kid!
Oscar What’re you doing? You hanging out on the beach? Come here. Don’t be shy. No stranger danger here. I’m not gonna touch you.
[Harold walks over]
What’s up, pal?
Oscar What’re you doing?
[Mocks]
"Looking for my friend."
Oscar You wanna be friends with us? We’re the good guys.
You can hang out with us.
Oscar [Extends fist]
Lemme get some of that. Put it here. You gang. Part of the gang. [Oscar and Harold bump fists and Harold spots Scott’s tattoo gun]
It’s a tattoo gun. I was giving the homies tattoos.
Sure young guy. You want a tattoo?
Oscar Kid wants a tattoo. That’s my guy right there.
You can’t give him a tattoo. He’s a little kid.
I gotta practice on something. He seems old enough.
Oscar You a tough guy?
Oscar You’re a badass. [Flexing arms] Come on, show those muscles kid. Come on, both arms. Put ‘em up. [Harold flexes arms]
Oscar There we go. What’s your name?
Oscar I’m gonna call you Harry.
Oscar I like this kid. I need him in my life. He has structure.
I don’t think that’s a good idea.
We don’t listen to anything you say.
Oscar Why do you even try to give us advice?
What do you want a tattoo of?
Oscar That’s tough, man. He could’ve said anything. He said The Punisher. [Scott shows his phone to Harold]
I can do that. Is that it?
Do I have your legal permission to do this?
That’s good enough for me. How about you guys?
Oscar Holds up in court.
He can’t give consent! He’s ten.
Now hold still, okay? Because it is permanent.
Oscar Put your game face on.
Don’t worry, dude. This’ll just be on you for the rest of your life.
[Scott leans in and inks a brief line and Harold screams]
I DON’T WANNA DO IT! I DON’T WANNA!
I gotta finish it. Now there’s just a line. You’re gonna look stupid. [Harold runs away]
Oscar Goddamn it. I **** believed in that kid.
He seemed so tough at first but then immediately wasn’t.
Oscar That’s why I don’t **** with millennials.
Again, we are the millennials.
Oscar You keep saying that but I don’t know what that means.
I regret my friendship with you guys.
