Edward Garlick My whole life passed before my eyes, and it wasn't even interesting to me.
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in Good Morning, Vietnam (1987): in 13 of its 75 quotes
Most scenes with: Adrian Cronauer (5), Phil (3)
That's Marty Lee Drywitz. He's impeccably clean. This man has cleaning products shipped in from Wisconsin. He's also one of your roommates, so if I were you, I'd think about suicide.
More lines from Edward Garlick
4 quotes Edward Garlick Edward Garlick It zoomed right by, just the way they say it does. Stamp collections, pulling chickweeds from my dad's dichondra plants, arranging rakes by sizes for my mom in the garage. Even encapsulated in two seconds, my life is dull. I find that very alarming.
Edward Garlick [To Lt Hauk]
Sir? I'm begging you. Don't try to do comedy. It's not in your blood.
Edward Garlick I live to collate, sir.
Scenes with Edward Garlick
8 scenes Garlick I'm Private First Class Edward Montesque Garlick, at your service, sir.
Well, first thing, Garlick, is you gotta requisition a new name.
Garlick You're not supposed to address the general saying "hiya."
What's that, a new rule?
Garlick No, old rule.
Okay, who do we have slated for live entertainment in November?
Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but it turns out he won't come.
Why not?
Garlick He doesn't play police actions, just wars. Bob likes a big room, sir.
How about if it escalated?
How about if what escalated?
The Vietnam conflict
The Vietnam conflict. We are not going to escalate a whole war just so we can book a big name comedian!
General
I think I see a pattern forming here.
Dreiwitz Sir, these letters are unequivocal! Uh, e.g., [reads a letter] "Hey, Hauk. Eat a bag of shit. You suck." That's pretty much to the point, sir, not much gray area in this one.
Garlick We got one positive call from some guy in Wichita, who thought that Hauk's comedy was "visionary and interesting." The other eleven hundred calls say that the man can't do comedy to save his dick! [pause] That's a direct quote, sir.
I've taken ninety calls this morning-- they just don't like Hauk.
Garlick From a Marine in Danang: "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls." I have no idea what that means, sir, but it seems very negative to me.
General
I think the troops are trying to tell us something, fellas.
Is he all right?
Garlick No, Phil, he's not all right. A man does not refer to Pat Boone as a beautiful genius if things are all right.
Garlick Gentlemen! Hey guys, guess who the hell I got in here.
Man 1
Groucho Marx!
Man 2
Senator Dirksen.
Man 3
Curly!
Garlick Come on. Come on, come on, come on! Guess again.
Oh bag it, bag it, Garlick.
Garlick The fellow I got in here is the gentleman, the one and the only
Oh, you're a dead man.
Garlick The king of the airwaves, Adrian Cronauer.
Garlick Makes me unique, doesn't it?
What a plus.
You could get in trouble for that.
Garlick I requisitioned for a name change. Trouble is actually my new middle name.
