Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) · 75 quotes
6th most-quoted character in Good Morning, Vietnam (1987): in 4 of its 75 quotes
Most scenes with: Edward Garlick (3)
Okay, who do we have slated for live entertainment in November?
Phil Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but it turns out he won't come.
Why not?
He doesn't play police actions, just wars. Bob likes a big room, sir.
How about if it escalated?
How about if what escalated?
The Vietnam conflict
The Vietnam conflict. We are not going to escalate a whole war just so we can book a big name comedian!
I think I see a pattern forming here.
Dreiwitz Sir, these letters are unequivocal! Uh, e.g., [reads a letter] "Hey, Hauk. Eat a bag of shit. You suck." That's pretty much to the point, sir, not much gray area in this one.
We got one positive call from some guy in Wichita, who thought that Hauk's comedy was "visionary and interesting." The other eleven hundred calls say that the man can't do comedy to save his dick! [pause] That's a direct quote, sir.
Phil I've taken ninety calls this morning-- they just don't like Hauk.
From a Marine in Danang: "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls." I have no idea what that means, sir, but it seems very negative to me.
I think the troops are trying to tell us something, fellas.
Phil Is he all right?
No, Phil, he's not all right. A man does not refer to Pat Boone as a beautiful genius if things are all right.
Censor #1 What do you think you're doing? You know you're forbidden to read anything not checked by this office.
What's there to check? I was there.
Censor #1 Airman, you know the rules. If this is a legitimate news story, it must go through proper channels.
Listen, Tweedledee, it's an actual event. [referring to the blood on his shirt] What do you think this came from? Shaving? It's the truth. I just want to report the truth. It'll be a nice change of pace.
What's going on here?
Sir, will you listen to me?
This is not official news, Airman. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.
It did happen.
You shut your mouth!
What are you afraid of Dickerson? People might find out there's a war going on?
This news is not official.
You want everyone going under the assumption it's perfectly safe here, don'tcha? Well, it's not. The fighting's not just in the hills, it's downtown. It's a couple of **** BLOCKS!
I SAID IT IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!
I see your point. I'm sorry. I guess I get inside, hit these air conditioners, I get a little dizzy. Thanks for setting me straight. I'll be okay.
GOOOOOOOOD MORNING, VIETNAM! Hey, I know it's not the morning but it's my trademark and "Good Evening" sounds too depressing. Hey, we're going right now to the news. [imitates teletype machine breaking down] From England, today Princess Margaret threw a shoe! Easy Madge. Also, Queen Elizabeth, Elizabeth Taylor! She's still married after six months. Way to go Liz, yay. [silence] All right! In Saigon today, according to official sources, nothing actually happened. One thing that didn't actually happen was a bomb didn't officially explode at 1430 hours unofficially destroying Jimmy Wah's Cafe.
Get him out of there! [pounds the window as the Censor tries to open the locked door.]
Three men were unofficially wounded and two men whose identities are still not known at this time were unofficially dead.
Censor #1 It's locked!
Well, break the goddamn door down!
The police, ambulance and fire department responded, but believed to be unoffical at this present moment.
Turn the power off in this studio!
Phil But sir--
TURN IT OFF NOW! [Phil shuts off the power]
I just wanted to think that you should-- [sees that Dickerson cut off his broadcast. Adrian takes off his headset and pushes the mic away.]
