Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) · 75 quotes
7th most-quoted character in Good Morning, Vietnam (1987): in 3 of its 75 quotes
Most scenes with: Lieutenant Hauk (3)
Okay, who do we have slated for live entertainment in November?
Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but it turns out he won't come.
Why not?
He doesn't play police actions, just wars. Bob likes a big room, sir.
Abersold How about if it escalated?
How about if what escalated?
Abersold The Vietnam conflict
The Vietnam conflict. We are not going to escalate a whole war just so we can book a big name comedian!
I would like to leave the room now.
Abersold Oh! Uh, yes, sir.
Therefore, there is no place for neutrality or a neutralist sentiment in South Vietnam. As I leave Vietnam today there is no doubt, certainly, in my mind that the Viet Cong will be defeated and this war will be won. Asia does involve, I think, very appropriately as you have suggested, give and take.
Well I-- I really didn't make that suggestion, sir, I'm sorry.
The United States has no right to give--
Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?
Abersold I don't know, Lieutenant.
--territory to the communists.
Mr. Nixon, thank you for that concise political commentary, but I think I'd like to delve into something slightly more personal for the men in the field. How would you describe your testicles?
That they're soft, and that they're shallow and they have no purpose.
Oh, my God.
What are you saying, sir?
Oh, my God.
That they lack the physical strength.
How would you describe your sex life with your wife Pat?
It is unexciting sometimes.
Well, have you considered, possibly, a sex change. There is an operation that can transform you
Please don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me.
--into a female Great Dane or possibly a very well hung Chihuahua. Mr. Nixon, while you've been in Vietnam, its rumored that you've smoked marijuana. Are you planning to take some of the marijuana home back to the United States? How would you do that?
By plane. By helicopter and also by automobile.
