Sgt. Major Dickerson Sir, there is no such thing as "only" anymore. Not now. Not in Saigon.
4th most-quoted character in Good Morning, Vietnam (1987): in 9 of its 75 quotes
Most scenes with: Adrian Cronauer (6)
But if you toy with me, I'll burn you so bad you'll wish you died as a child.
More lines from Sgt. Major Dickerson
2 quotes Sgt. Major Dickerson Sgt. Major Dickerson You shut your **** hole!
Scenes with Sgt. Major Dickerson
6 scenes Dickerson This is not military issue, Airman. What sort of uniform is that?
Cretan camouflage. If you want to blend into a crowd of drunken Greeks there's nothing better.
Dickerson That is humor. I recognize that. I also recognize your species of soldier. I had a guy like you in the field one time. He blew himself to pieces. But not before his humor cost the lives of three very fine individuals.
Dickerson [Pointing to his rank insignia]
What does three up and three down mean to you, Airman?
End of an inning?
Censor #1 [Adrian sees the story about the bombing that he witnessed and he starts taking it to the control room, going past the two censors]
What do you think you're doing? You know you're forbidden to read anything not checked by this office.
What's there to check? I was there.
Censor #1 Airman, you know the rules. If this is a legitimate news story, it must go through proper channels.
Listen, Tweedledee, it's an actual event. [referring to the blood on his shirt] What do you think this came from? Shaving? It's the truth. I just want to report the truth. It'll be a nice change of pace.
Dickerson What's going on here?
Sir, will you listen to me?
Dickerson [reads the story]
This is not official news, airman. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.
It did happen.
Dickerson You shut your mouth!
What are you afraid of Dickerson? People might find out there's a war going on?
Dickerson This news is not official.
You want everyone going under the assumption it's perfectly safe here, don'tcha? Well, it's not. The fighting's not just in the hills, it's downtown. It's a couple of **** BLOCKS!
Dickerson I SAID IT IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!
I see your point. I'm sorry. I guess I get inside, hit these air conditioners, I get a little dizzy. Thanks for setting me straight.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
[In Dickerson's office, after Adrian starts a fight in a Saigon bar with two U.S. Marines for their racist behavior towards Tuan]
Talk.
These two behemoths were physically abusing a Vietnamese national. I thought since we're here to defend the c-
Sergeant Major Dickerson
So you started a brawl, turned the place upside down- real intelligent solution. Do you have any idea how ridiculous it makes me look to have a man under my command start a **** bar brawl? [Pauses, glaring at Garlick, who is watching from another room. Garlick promptly disappears.] You're not gonna last long here, pal.
You can always send me back to Crete.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Oh, you think this is a joke! I can come up with alternatives other than Crete- I'm real good at stuff like that. I got people stuck in places they haven't even considered how to get out of yet. You don't think I can come up with somethin' good? Can you envision some fairly unattractive alternatives?
Not without slides.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
A bar brawl, that's one, Cronauer. You better stay cool. You better not get involved in anything. You better not even come in range of anything that happens. Or your ass is grass and I'm a lawnmower. Am I being fairly clear?
Yes, sir.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Sir! Do you see anything on this uniform indicating an officer? [Pointing to his rank insignia] What does three up and three down mean to you, Airman?
End of an inning?
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Sergeant Major. Now you get the hell out of here right now!
Censor #1 [Adrian sees the story about the bombing that he witnessed and he starts taking it to the control room, going past the two censors]
What do you think you're doing? You know you're forbidden to read anything not checked by this office.
What's there to check? I was there.
Censor #1 Airman, you know the rules. If this is a legitimate news story, it must go through proper channels.
Listen, Tweedledee, it's an actual event. [referring to the blood on his shirt] What do you think this came from? Shaving? It's the truth. I just want to report the truth. It'll be a nice change of pace.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
What's going on here?
Sir, will you listen to me?
Sergeant Major Dickerson
[reads the story]
This is not official news, Airman. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.
It did happen.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
You shut your mouth!
What are you afraid of Dickerson? People might find out there's a war going on?
Sergeant Major Dickerson
This news is not official.
You want everyone going under the assumption it's perfectly safe here, don'tcha? Well, it's not. The fighting's not just in the hills, it's downtown. It's a couple of **** BLOCKS!
Sergeant Major Dickerson
I SAID IT IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!
I see your point. I'm sorry. I guess I get inside, hit these air conditioners, I get a little dizzy. Thanks for setting me straight. I'll be okay.
[Adrian goes into the control room to start his afternoon broadcast.]
GOOOOOOOOD MORNING, VIETNAM! Hey, I know it's not the morning but it's my trademark and "Good Evening" sounds too depressing. Hey, we're going right now to the news. [imitates teletype machine breaking down] From England, today Princess Margaret threw a shoe! Easy Madge. Also, Queen Elizabeth, Elizabeth Taylor! She's still married after six months. Way to go Liz, yay. [silence] All right! In Saigon today, according to official sources, nothing actually happened. One thing that didn't actually happen was a bomb didn't officially explode at 1430 hours unofficially destroying Jimmy Wah's Cafe.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Get him out of there! [pounds the window as the Censor tries to open the locked door.]
Three men were unofficially wounded and two men whose identities are still not known at this time were unofficially dead.
Censor #1 It's locked!
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Well, break the goddamn door down!
The police, ambulance and fire department responded, but believed to be unoffical at this present moment.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
[enters the power room]
Turn the power off in this studio!
But sir--
Sergeant Major Dickerson
TURN IT OFF NOW! [Phil shuts off the power]
I just wanted to think that you should-- [sees that Dickerson cut off his broadcast. Adrian takes off his headset and pushes the mic away.]
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Ten-hut.
BG Taylor
At ease. [Turns to Adrian] Cronauer, I'm sorry as hell about this thing. Goddamnit, I like you, son. I like what you do. Most of all, I like what you've done for the men. [Pauses, glancing at SGM Dickerson] But fact's a fact. This could give the Army a black eye. I'm not gonna cover for you this time, son.
Sir- what about the show?
BG Taylor
We'll handle it. I'm sorry, son.
[BG Taylor leaves Sergeant Major Dickerson's office; there is a long pause. Cronauer looks at Sergeant Major Dickerson, at a loss for words.]
Why'd you do this?
Sergeant Major Dickerson
I don't like your style, your politics or your sense of humor. I don't like what you say or how you say it. From now on the fighting men of Vietnam will hear exactly what they're supposed to hear. You're on a DC-8 out of Tan Sun Nhut Airport tomorrow morning- I recommend you pack quietly. That's all I have for you, Airman.
[Sergeant Major Dickerson sits down at his desk, returning to his paperwork. Cronauer heads for the door, but halts suddenly and turns and leans back into the office.]
You know? [SGM Dickerson looks up] You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any other white man in history.
BG Taylor
[Cronauer closes the office door and leaves; Dickerson gets up to pursue him, but BG Taylor is waiting in the hallway.]
Whoa, there, Dick. Put the brakes on. I wanted to wait until Airman had left to talk with you. Dick, I'm transferring you.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
[Startled]
Transferring me, sir?
BG Taylor
Mm-hmm.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Where to, sir?
BG Taylor
You're goin' to Guam.
Sergeant Major Dickerson
Guam, sir?! There's nothing goin' on in Guam! Why Guam?
BG Taylor
Dick, I've covered for you a lot of times, 'cause I thought you was a little crazy. But you're not crazy, you're mean. And this is just radio.
BG Taylor
[BG Taylor walks away, leaving a stunned Dickerson behind him. As he presses the button for an elevator and gets inside, Taylor starts laughing.]
"More dire need of a blowjob than any other white man in history". That's funny.
