Most scenes together: Adrian Cronauer & Sgt. Major Dickerson (6), Adrian Cronauer & Edward Garlick (5), Adrian Cronauer & Lieutenant Hauk (4)
Dreiwitz What is the appeal of Joey Bishop? I mean, the man's not funny. I know funny, and he's not funny. Don't get me wrong- he seems like a nice guy- but my father's a nice guy and he's not funny either. Joey Bishop. I wish someone would explain this one to me.
Jimmy Wah Home of the shiiiny green suit.
Trinh I-- I not can do this, Cronow. No. No friend, Cronow. Not good for-- for me. My brother, OK, friends. But Vietnam ladies not friends. Please, OK? Not friends.
I want to tell you something. You know, this whole camouflage thing, for me, doesn't work very well.
Why is that?
Because you go in the jungle, I can't see you. You know, it's like wearing stripes and plaid. For me, I want to do something different. You know, you go in the jungle, make a statement. If you're going to fight, clash. You know what I mean?
Is it true that you're actually-- that you're actually too close to some of the nerve agents they were testing?
Nerve... uh, gas?
Yes, have you used any?
Well, once, yes, on myself. And it had no-- WOAH! WOAH! No effect on me. I've had no actual-- WOAH! SHE-HOO! WOAH! WOAH! Big dogs! Big dogs landing on my face!
I don't know what that means.
Listen, I gave you my friendship, and my trust. And now they tell me that my best friend is the goddamn enemy.
Tuan Enemy? What is enemy? You killing my own people so many miles from your home. We not the enemy. You the enemy.
You used me to kill two people. Two **** people died in that **** bar.
Tuan Big **** deal! My mother dead. And my older brother, who be 29 years old, he dead. Shot by Americans. My neighbor, dead. His wife, dead. Why? Because we're not human to them. We're only little Vietnamese. And I'm stupid enough to save your bullshit life at An Lac.
Once again we've got our friend from military intelligence. Can you tell us what you've found out about the enemy since you've been here?
We found out that we can't find them. They're out there, and we're having a major difficulty in finding the enemy.
Well, what do you use to look for them?
Well, we ask people, 'Are you the enemy? And whoever says yes, we shoot them. [Pause] It's very difficult to find a Vietnamese man named Charlie. They're all named Nyugen or Doh or things like that. It's very difficult for me.
We've got our traffic report up there on the Ho Chi Minh Trail. How's it going up there?
Well, Adrian, it's not going exactly well. There's a water buffalo jackknifed up there. It's not a very pretty picture, there's horns everywhere. I dunno what to say, we're gonna maybe drop in a little napalm there, try to cook him down, have a little barbecue.
What's the demilitarized zone? It sounds like something out of the Wizard of Oz
Oh no don't go in there!
Ohhh wee ohh. Ho Chi Minh.
Oh look you've landed in Saigon. You're among the little people now.
We represent the ARVN army, the ARVN army. Oh no! Follow the Ho Chi Minh trail! Follow the Ho Chi Minh trail!
Oh! I'll get you my pretty!
Oh my God! It's the wicked Witch of the North! It's Hanoi Hannah!
Now, little GI, you and your little Toto too!
You could get in trouble for that.
I requisitioned for a name change. Trouble is actually my new middle name.
End of an inning?
This is not military issue, Airman. What sort of uniform is that?
Cretan camouflage. If you want to blend into a crowd of drunken Greeks there's nothing better.
That is humor. I recognize that. I also recognize your species of soldier. I had a guy like you in the field one time. He blew himself to pieces. But not before his humor cost the lives of three very fine individuals.
Gentlemen! Hey guys, guess who the hell I got in here.
Groucho Marx!
Senator Dirksen.
Curly!
Come on. Come on, come on, come on! Guess again.
Oh bag it, bag it, Garlick.
The fellow I got in here is the gentleman, the one and the only
Oh, you're a dead man.
The king of the airwaves, Adrian Cronauer.
I'm Private First Class Edward Montesque Garlick, at your service, sir.
Well, first thing, Garlick, is you gotta requisition a new name.
You're not supposed to address the general saying "hiya."
What's that, a new rule?
No, old rule.
