Jason Nesmith [Keeping Dane from running away]
Come on, old friend!
Old friend?! You stole all my best lines, you cut me out of episode two entirely!
Played by Tim Allen 
Galaxy Quest (1999) · 26 quotes
Galaxy Quest (1999) · 26 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Galaxy Quest (1999): in 9 of its 26 quotes
Most scenes with: Gwen DeMarco (6), Alexander Dane (5), Guy Fleegman (5)
Scenes with Jason Nesmith
9 scenes Jason Nesmith 
[manning the sensor station]
Hey, guys, th–there's a red-uh thingy, moving toward the green thingy.
Jason Nesmith What?
[repeating]
Red thingy, moving toward the green thingy. I think we're the green thingy.
Computer
Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage. Aft vector guards, 96% damage. Structural breaches in quadrants 32, 34, 40...
Jason Nesmith What about the engines?
Computer
Forward thruster shaft, 87% damage.
Computer, what about the engines? Why don't we have power?
Computer
The beryllium sphere has fractured under stress.
It's fractured.
Jason Nesmith Can it be repaired?
Computer, can it be repaired?
Computer
Damage to beryllium sphere: Irreparable. New source of beryllium must be secured.
We need another one.
Uhh!
Jason Nesmith Eh, uh-- [clears throat] Computer, is there, uh, a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?
Computer, is there a replacement Beryllium sphere on board?
Computer
Negative, no reserve Beryllium sphere exists on board.
You know, that is really getting annoying!
Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it's stupid, but I'm gonna do it! Okay?
Sure, no problem.
[The actors are flying a shuttle to an alien planet] [whimpering]
I changed my mind, I wanna go back.
After all the fuss you made about getting left behind?
Yeah, but that's when I thought I was the crewman that stays on the ship and something is up there and it kills me. But now I'm thinking I'm the guy that gets killed by some monster five minutes after we land on the planet.
Jason Nesmith You're not going to die on the planet, Guy.
I'm not? Then what's my last name?
Jason Nesmith It's, uh, uh-- I don't know.
Nobody knows. You know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.
Guy, you have a last name.
DO I??!! DO I??!! FOR ALL YOU KNOW, I'M "CREWMAN #6"! [puts his head on Gwen's shoulder and cries] Mommy! Mommy!
[Jason is being menaced by a huge rock monster]
Fred's no good, Jason; you're just gonna have to kill it.
Jason Nesmith "Kill it"? Well, I'm open to any suggestions!
Go for the eyes, like in Episode 22!
Jason Nesmith It doesn't have any eyes, Tommy!
Well, then go for the throat or something, its vulnerable spots!
Jason Nesmith It's a rock: It doesn't have any vulnerable spots!
I know! You construct a weapon. Look around you. Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
Jason Nesmith A LATHE?! GET OFF THE LINE, GUY!! Alexander, you're my adviser. Advise me!
Well, you're just gonna have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?
Jason Nesmith It's a rock monster! It doesn't have a motivation!
You see, this was your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft!
Jason Nesmith What? what was that?
Uh, nothing.
Jason Nesmith I heard some squealing or something.
Oh, no. Everything's fine.
Teb
But the animal is inside out.
Jason Nesmith I heard that! It turned inside out?
Teb
(it explodes)
And it exploded.
Jason Nesmith Did I just hear that the animal turned inside out, and then it exploded? Hello?
Hold, please.
[Gwen and Jason encounter the chompers]
What is this thing? I mean, it serves no useful purpose for there to be a bunch of chompy, crushy things in the middle of a hallway!
Jason Nesmith Gwen, Gwen!
No! I mean, we shouldn't have to do this! It makes no logical sense! Why is it here?
Jason Nesmith Because it's on the television show!
Well, forget it! I'm not doing it! This episode was badly written!
Whoo!
We're getting hammered, Jason! Return fire?
Jason Nesmith No! Divert all energy to the armor!
Sarris
How adorable. The actors are going to play war with me.
Sarris' ship accelerating toward us at Mark 2.
Jason Nesmith Accelerate to Mark 4!
Sarris
Let me remind you, sonny: I am a general. If you are counting on me to blink, then you are making a deadly mistake.
Jason Nesmith Well, let me tell you something, Sarris! It doesn't take a great actor to recognize a bad one. You're sweating!
Armor almost gone, Jason!
Sarris
You fool! You fail to realize that with your armor gone, my ship will tear through yours like tissue paper!
Jason Nesmith And what you fail to realize is my ship is dragging mines!
Sarris
[The Protector is shown to have mines trailing it towards Sarris' ship]
OH, NO! TURN! TURN!
[Sarris quickly does something on a console as the mines slam into his ship and destroy it. The actors cheer]
