Mrs. Teasdale The government has been mismanaged. I will lend the money, but only on condition that His Excellency withdraw and place the government in new hands.
Played by Margaret Dumont 
Duck Soup (1933) · 49 quotes
Duck Soup (1933) · 49 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Duck Soup (1933): in 9 of its 49 quotes
Most scenes with: Rufus T. Firefly (7), Trentino (4)
Scenes with Mrs. Teasdale
9 scenes Mrs. Teasdale Mrs. Teasdale Oh, your Excellency. We've been expecting you. As chairwoman of the reception committee, I extend the wishes of every man, woman, and child of Freedonia.
Never mind that stuff. (pulls a deck of cards from his pocket) Take a card.
Mrs. Teasdale Card? What will I do with the card?
You can keep it. I've got fifty-one left. Now what were you saying?
Mrs. Teasdale As chairwoman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms.
Is that so? How late do you stay open?
Mrs. Teasdale I've sponsored your appointment because I feel you are the most able statesman in all Freedonia.
Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say! You cover a lot of ground yourself. You'd better beat it. I hear they're gonna tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
Mrs. Teasdale The future of Freedonia rests on you. Promise me you will follow in the footsteps of my husband.
(to audience)
How do you like that? I haven't been on the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me. (to Mrs. Teasdale) Not that I care, but where is your husband?
Mrs. Teasdale Why, he's dead.
I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.
Mrs. Teasdale I was with him to the very end.
Hmmph. No wonder he passed away.
Mrs. Teasdale I held him in my arms and kissed him.
Oh, I see. Then, it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.
Mrs. Teasdale He left me his entire fortune.
Is that so? Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you! (jumps into her arms)
Mrs. Teasdale Oh, your Excellency!
You're not so bad yourself.
Oh, uh, I suppose you would think me a sentimental old fluff, but, uh, would you mind giving me lock of your hair?
Mrs. Teasdale A lock of my hair? Wh-why, I had no idea that you...
I'm letting you off easy: I was going to ask for the whole wig.
Mrs. Teasdale Oh, I want to present to you Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania. Having him with us today is indeed a great pleasure.
Thank you, but I can't stay very long.
That's even a greater pleasure. Now, how about lending this country 20 million dollars, you old skinflint.
20 million dollars is a lot of money. I'd have to take that up with my Minister of Finance.
Well, in the meantime, could you let me have 12 dollars until payday?
12 dollars?
Don't be scared. You'll get it back. I'll give you my personal note for 90 days. If it isn't paid by then, you can keep the note.
Your Excellency? Haven't we seen each other somewhere before?
I don't think so. I'm not sure I'm seeing you now. It must be something I ate.
Look here Sir, are you trying to...?
Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.
Mrs. Teasdale The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you.
Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
I can't give you wealth, but, uh, we can have a little family of our own.
Mrs. Teasdale Oh Rufus!
All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head.
Mrs. Teasdale Your Excellency. I really don't know what to say.
I wouldn't know what to say either if I was in your place. [To Trentino] Maybe you can suggest something. As a matter of fact, you do suggest something. To me you suggest a baboon.
What?!
I'm sorry I said that. It isn't fair to the rest of the baboons.
You Swine!...You Worm!...You Upstart!
[Firefly slaps him with his glove]
Mrs. Teasdale. I'm afraid this regrettable occurrence may plunge our countries into war.
Mrs. Teasdale Oh, this is terrible!
I've said enough. I'm a man of few words.
I'm a man of one word: Scram!
Mrs. Teasdale Your Excellency, the Ambassador's here on a friendly visit. He's had a change of heart.
A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
I'm sorry we lost our tempers. I'm willing to forget if you are.
Forget? You ask me to forget? A Firefly never forgets. Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. Nothing doing. I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed. I'm expecting company.
Mrs. Teasdale Please wait.
Let go of me, you bully!
Mrs. Teasdale Oh!
I am willing to do anything to prevent this war.
It's too late. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.
Mrs. Teasdale I thought you left.
Chicolini (impersonating Firefly): Oh no. I don't leave.
Mrs. Teasdale But I saw you with my own eyes.
Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?
