Mrs. Claypool quotes from A Night at the Opera (1935)

Mrs. Claypool

I've been sitting right here since 7 o'clock.

Driftwood

Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Mrs. Claypool

Mr. Driftwood, three months ago you promised to put me into society. In all that time, you've done nothing but draw a very handsome salary.

Driftwood

You think that's nothing, huh? How many men do you suppose are drawing a handsome salary nowadays? Why, you can count them on the fingers of one hand, my good woman.

Mrs. Claypool

I'm not your good woman!

Driftwood

Don't say that, Mrs. Claypool. I don't care what your past has been. To me, you'll always be my good woman. Because I love you. There. I didn't mean to tell you, but you...you dragged it out of me. I love you.

Mrs. Claypool

It's rather difficult to believe that when I find you dining with another woman.

Driftwood

That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.

Mrs. Claypool

Really?

Driftwood

Of course, that's why I'm sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips! Everything about you reminds me of you. Except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out, she's good.

Mrs. Claypool

Mr. Driftwood. I think we'd better keep everything on a business basis.

Driftwood

How do you like that? Every time I get romantic with you, you want to talk business. I don't know, there's something about me that brings out the business in every woman.

Driftwood

You see that spaghetti? Now, behind that spaghetti is none other than Herman Gottlieb, director of the New York Opera Company. Do you follow me?

Mrs. Claypool

Yes.

Driftwood

Well stop following me or I'll have you arrested!

If you pardon my saying so, Mrs. Claypool, Mr. Driftwood seems hardly the person to handle your business affairs?

Mrs. Claypool

I'm beginning to think the same thing.

Driftwood

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Well, I made it. How soon does the curtain go up?

The curtain, Mr. Driftwood, will go up again next season.

Mrs. Claypool

You've missed the entire opera.

Driftwood

Well, I only missed it by a few minutes. Then, I can go then, huh?

Mrs. Claypool, was I right? Isn't Lassparri the greatest tenor that ever lived?

Mrs. Claypool

He's superb. What would you have to pay him?

What's the difference? He must sail with us tomorrow no matter how much we pay him. Why, he wouldn't be worth $1,000 a night.

Driftwood

How much?

$1,000 a night.

Driftwood

A thousand dollars a nacht? What does he do?

What's he do? He sings!

Driftwood

So, you're willing to pay him $1,000 a night just by singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. For a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.

If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Claypool, I think I had better arrange to see Lassparri immediately. You are agreed-- $1,000 a night?

Mrs. Claypool

Just as you think.

Driftwood

Thousand dollars a night? There must be something I have to get a piece of this? [To Gottlieb] Wait a minute! Why don't I sign Lassparri? I represent Mrs. Claypool.

But, I represent the New York Opera Company. My boy? Will you give my card to signor Lassparri, please?