Dogma quotes

162 total quotes

Loki
Metatron
Multiple Characters
Rufus
Serendipity

View Quote This wasn't my idea, alright?! Jesus Christ! I just wanted to go home. But him you know? He just lost it. He realized who you were and what you'd have to do, he just snapped. And the funny thing is, this guy could never even stand to see me work. He said he always felt sorry for you. Now look at him.

View Quote No married man kisses his wife like that!

View Quote [After being killed by a golf club] But... I'm a ****in' demon.

View Quote Quit killing people. That's high profile.

View Quote He doesn't know how to make a holey bartender. I know how to make a holey bartender. [Shoots the bartender with an Uzi.]

View Quote (Liz has just fought her way through a group of pro-life protesters to enter the abortion clinic where she and Bethany work.)
Liz: You're a Catholic. Can't you talk to them?
Bethany: They hate me more than you, no doubt. At least you have an excuse. You're Jewish. You don't know any better.
Liz: Ah, they won't go for that one. We already used that excuse when we killed Christ.

View Quote You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the First Commandment. More than that, not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality.

View Quote I hope you're the skee-ball type.

View Quote It's been my experience that the average male is never a man, not even for ten minutes, in his entire lifespan.

View Quote Oh, Bartleby. Was Wisconsin really that bad?

View Quote Snoogens! Did you see that shit, man? I know they were just kids, but we kicked their pube-less asses!

View Quote Bethany: Whatever you do, stall Bartleby from going into that church! Bob, come with me. Come on!
Jay: How am I supposed to do that?
Bethany: Think of something!
Jay: I already did, but it takes two of us!

View Quote You know, you can have sex until the third trimester? (after Bethany reveals that she is pregnant)

View Quote Jay: Here, it's the guy in charge of the church thing (he hands over a newspaper)
Bethany: Cardinal Glick?
Jay: Maybe we can just ask him to shut down the church. If it's closed that day, uh, those guys can't get blessed or whatever, right?
Metatron: Good Lord. The little stoner's got a point!

View Quote Serendipity: Why is the last scion here?
Rufus: Bartleby and Loki. They found a way back.
Serendipity: Not the plenary indulgence loophole.
Bethany: You know about that?
Serendipity: I always knew that thing was a bad idea. Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence.