Matt Brody
Hey, I'm Matt Brody!
Summer Quinn
And not a single **** was given...
Played by Zac Efron 
Baywatch (2017) · 19 quotes
Baywatch (2017) · 19 quotes
Ronnie, I need your help. Because as much as I know about laptops, I don't know shit about computers...
Scenes with Matt Brody
10 scenes Matt Brody
Summer Quinn
Matt Brody
Hey. I'm more motivated than ever. So you're going to make me guess your name? Are you following me?
Summer Quinn
I was actually just going to ask you the same thing. Okay. Look, you're hot. I may resist for a while, but we both know eventually I'll give in. So why don't we just skip that. Why don't you put a baby in me? Now.
Matt Brody
You know, honestly... I was thinking dinner first. But we could try the baby thing, if you want.
Summer Quinn
You are trying. Way too hard.
Mitch Buchannon
Hey, fresh face. You here for the qualifiers?
Matt Brody
Uh, no, no, I'm not trying out. I'm actually already on the team.
Mitch Buchannon
You're already on this team?
Matt Brody
I'm Matt Brody. Ready for duty.
Mitch Buchannon
"Ready for duty"? Oh, okay. Um, you got any papers or anything like that?
Matt Brody
I do. There you go.
Mitch Buchannon
Oh, it's a permission slip. Literally. "Dear Mitch, I am pleased to write you on behalf of Mr. Matt Brody." Right. Well, no free passes.
Matt Brody
Yeah. Whoa.
Mitch Buchannon
At all. Yeah, 'cause I don't give a shit.
Matt Brody
I legit needed those for my taxes.
Mitch Buchannon
What you need is to understand that if you're going to be on this team, you got to earn it.
Matt Brody
Really?
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah. So, why don't we start this whole thing over, just like gentlemen? Where you from, One Direction?
Matt Brody
Um... Iowa? Iowa? You heard of it?
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah, I know what it is. Hey, Steph.
Stephanie Holden
Hey.
Mitch Buchannon
New Kids on the Block here is from Iowa.
Stephanie Holden
Oh, man.
Mitch Buchannon
And, uh, he says he's already on the team. Yeah. Doesn't have to try out.
Stephanie Holden
Really?
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah, absolutely. Let me ask you this...A lot of oceans in Iowa?
Stephanie Holden
No, just ponds and lakes and cocky pretty boys, apparently.
Mitch Buchannon
Uh-huh. Cocky pretty boys.
Stephanie Holden
Hey, Mitch, what happened to that last pretty boy recruit we had?
Mitch Buchannon
He died.
Stephanie Holden
R.I.P.
Matt Brody
Are you guys being serious right now? I honestly can't tell. You show up here, matching bathing suits. What is this, "lifeguard hazing"? I'm Matt Brody. I hold the world record in the 200 meter. Two gold medals.
Mitch Buchannon
Hey! Matt Brody.
Stephanie Holden
Matt Brody.
Mitch Buchannon
Yes, yes. Absolutely. And we still don't give a ****.
Stephanie Holden
Don't give a ****.
Mitch Buchannon
No, fresh out.
Stephanie Holden
Fresh out of ****s.
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah. Okay, that ocean out there has riptides that'll tear your little mangina in two.
Matt Brody
My mangina? So you are being serious.
Mitch Buchannon
Dead serious, right now, NSYNC, all right? This ain't no little **** pond out of Iowa. So with all due respect, you want to be here on this team, on our team, you're gonna have to earn it.
Matt Brody
Look, I get it. You're big, sasquatch. But I'm fast. Really **** fast. Which is why somebody important thinks I belong here. So when you two figure out who the **** I am, you can find me on the beach. [slaps Mitch's face lightly] See you.
Stephanie Holden
[Matt leaves]
Did that really just happen?
Mitch Buchannon
It did. He slapped me.
Stephanie Holden
Wow.
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah. His hands were soft and supple though, like a woman. No offense.
Stephanie Holden
None taken.
Summer Quinn
Did you just, uh look at my boobs?
Matt Brody
Ah, that was not my intention...I didn't, uh, stare directly at them. [looks down at her]
Summer Quinn
[laughs]
You're looking at them right now.
Matt Brody
No I didn't. [looks down again] Now I did. 'Cause you're talking about them.
Summer Quinn
[bouncing her breasts]
Testing... Oh, failed. Oh my god. We're gonna be in swimsuits a lot, so...
Matt Brody
Yeah.
Summer Quinn
If it's going to be a problem for you...
Matt Brody
There's not a problem at all, for me.
Summer Quinn
Yeah.
Matt Brody
Cool.
Summer Quinn
Alright. You just looked at them again. [walks off]
Matt Brody
No, I didn't...I was...I didn't...I mean, when you point them out like that... It's a compliment, if you think about it, sort of.
Mitch Buchannon
My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there, and my balls say we need to go over there and check it out.
Matt Brody
Your balls said that?
Mitch Buchannon
Yes, they did.
Matt Brody
Okay, my balls say [in a high-pitched voice] "Just take it easy right here. Just chill."
Mitch Buchannon
Why the **** do your balls sound like three-year-old girls?
Matt Brody
I don't know, man. That's just how they talk. But they're wise.
Mitch Buchannon
How about diamond smugglers who are putting the rocks in surfboards and bringing them ashore?
Matt Brody
Everything that you guys are talking about sounds like a really, like, entertaining but far-fetched TV show.
Matt Brody
What do you mean 'You People'?
Mitch Buchannon
You don't get to say that. You're just tan.
Matt Brody
So, Dave had access to Leeds' server.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Her server? You mean her network.
Matt Brody
Yeah, her network, that's what I meant. Okay, so we just take a flash drive, and we plug it in, you know, get in to her cloud, and then steal all her cookies, right, and then we're straight through the firewall.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Okay, literally none of what you said made any sense.
Matt Brody
Straight over the firewall.
Ronnie Greenbaum
It's not, like, a physical thing you do.
Ronnie Greenbaum
She's like some sort of modern-day J. Edgar Hoover.
Matt Brody
The vacuum guy.
Ronnie Greenbaum
No.
Matt Brody
Will it work? Maybe. Will there be some surprises along the way? Abso-****-lutely. Is anyone gonna die? I don't know. Maybe Ronnie.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Sorry, what?
