Ted Wiggins quotes from The Lorax (2012)

Ted Wiggins

Hey, she is not some girlǃ She's a woman… in high school… and she loves trees, and I'm gonna get her one.

Ted

So, anyway, let's just say, I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do?

Oh, then you know what? You'd need to find the Once-ler.

Ted

Th-th-the what?

Mom, it's not really the time for one of your, you know, magical fables, okay?

That's right, I forgot. I'm old, and can't even remember to put my teeth in!

Stand down. That's not what I meant.

No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me?

Sure, Mom.

Okay, here the deal.

Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here?!

Ted

I'm Ted. I'm Ted. I can't breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man.

Didn't you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don't let the boot hit you on the way out.

Ted

The boot? [gets kicked by said boot from behind] Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. [gets grabbed again] No, no, no!

Trees?

Ted

Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? [pause] Hello?

Sorry, it's just... Well, I didn't think anyone still cared about trees.

Ted

Well, that's me. The guy who still cares. I'm here. [gets put back down] Hey! What?

You wanna know about trees, about what happened to them, (and) why they're all gone? [softly] It's because of me.

Ted

Wait, what? [A Whisper-ma-Phone chutes down to him. He leans in to hear.]

IT'S BECAUSE OF ME! [Ted coughs] And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand.

Ted

All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that's cool.

You're darn right it was cool! [starting to explain what happened to the trees] It all started a long time ago.

Ted

Can we start not so long ago, maybe?

Do you want a tree?

Ted

Yes, yes.

Then it all started a long, LONG time ago. [scene flashes back to the Once-ler as a young man] I was a young man leaving home.

Ted

Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute.

Excuse me?

Ted

Yeah. That's awesome. You know, feeding junk food to forest animals? That's great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? 'Cause I'd love to hear that one.

Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story and was never heard from ever again. Hmm?

Ted

Right. Got it. Proceed.

Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren't you like other kids? Break-dancing and wearing bell-bottoms and playing the Donkey Kongs?

Ted

Yeah. Right, right. I don't know. Uh, I just thought it might be kinda cool to have one, you know.

Aaah, it's a girl, isn't it?

Ted

What? No!

Really? 'Cause when a guy does something stupid once, well, that's because he's a guy, but if he does the same stupid thing twice, that's usually to impress some girl.

Ted

Hey, she is not some girlǃ She's a woman… in high school… and she loves trees, and I'm gonna get her one.

Aww. How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality.

Ted

Thank you.

Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O'Hare, the most powerful man in town.

Aloysius O'Hare

There he is! Hello, Ted.

Ted

Uh... Hi.

Isn't he clever, Mr. O'Hare? He knows his own name and everything.

Aloysius O'Hare

You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I'll stay here and talk.

Sure, why don't you go ahead and adopt him? I'm just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I'll get your cookie.

Aloysius O'Hare

I know you have it, Ted. So, let's put an end to this nonsense, shall we? [Ted angrily facing Mr. O'Hare] Hand it over.

Ted

I'm sorry... I don't know what you're talking about.

Aloysius O'Hare

Really? Well, then... I guess you wouldn't mind us checking your room.

Ted

No, no, no!

Aloysius O'Hare

Morty! McGurk! Find the seed!

Ted

No, you can't go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can't come in my room!

Aloysius O'Hare

Find it! [O'Hare barging into Ted's room trying to find and destroy the Truffula seed.] Find it!

What is going on here?

Aloysius O'Hare

THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU! Get back downstairs!

Excuse me, down there! I don't care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous.

Aloysius O'Hare

Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We'll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. [O’Hare takes the plate of cookies with Mrs. Wiggins Holding him.]

Mind telling me what's going on here?

Ted

The seed! Where is it?

Seed?

Ted

Where's Grammy?

I could just kiss you right now! [Ted and Audrey lean in to kiss, but Ted's mother stops them]

Oop! We don't have time for that!

Ted

I dunno, we have a little time. [Audrey and his mom stare at him] You know what? Let's just go. Let's go. Forget about it.
About The Lorax (film)[edit]

Ted

So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything.

Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I've sat here, regretting everything I've done. Staring at that word, "unless," a-and wondering what it meant. But now I'm thinking... Well, maybe you're the reason why the Lorax left that word there.

Ted

Me? Why would he leave that for me?

Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing's going to get better. It's not. [sticks his arm out the window and drops a single seed, which Ted catches] The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted.

Ted

Yeah, but... nobody cares about trees anymore!

Then make them care! Plant the seed in the middle of town where everyone can see! Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it's not what it is. It's about what it can become. That's not just a seed... anymore than you're just a boy.

Ted

I won't let you down! [drives back to Thneedville]

I know.