[notices the satellite laser is heading for the abandoned candy factory]
Oh, good! The beam's headed here! Now I'll have to start all over again. Thanks for wrecking everything, kid. [Turns to leave] See ya 'round.
Hold it! [Grabs Joker's wrist]
Oh wise up, junior, GAME'S OVER!
[laughing]
Right! [punches Batman several times and throws him onto table, which breaks under his weight] You're out of your league, McGinnis. I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peak.
Maybe. But you don't know a thing about me.
YOU?! What's to know?! You're a punk! A rank amateur! A costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man. Still, if it's a whupping you're a-wantin'...
[He rolls up his sleeves, and Terry runs to the door]
That's right. Better run and save yourself... it's about your speed. [Terry closes the door, then breaks the switch to prevent escape]
[As they fight, Joker gets the upper hand] [To Bruce, through comlink]
He's tough. Any suggestions, boss?
Joker's vain and likes to talk. He'll try to distract you, but don't listen. Block it out and power on through.
Wait. I like to talk too.
[They fight, and Terry knees the Joker in the gut]
What're you doing?!
The REAL Batman would never-- [Terry pushes the knee in further]
Told you, ya didn't know me.
Can't say the same for you. [shoves the Joker so that his gut hits a table]
Impudent brat. Who do you think you're talking to?
Not a comedian, I'll tell you that.
[draws a laser pistol]
Shut your mouth! [fires at Batman]
[retreats into the rafters]
The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him. [tosses a batarang, knocking the gun out of Joker's hand]
Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. [hits the lights with a batarang, turning them off] The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape. Not that you ever had a good joke.
[really getting angry]
Shut up... Shut up!
I mean, joy buzzers, squirting flowers? Lame! Where's the "A" material? Make a face, drop your pants, something!
You make me laugh. But only 'cause I think you're kinda pathetic. [mimics the Joker's laugh]
So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown? [laughs mockingly]
[grabs some grenades]
Don't you dare laugh at me!...
[laughs harder]
Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh!
[throwing grenades]
YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!!
So, where should I make Ground Zero? Gotham General, where our hero's dear little Dana is recuperating? Or here, in the happy garden of Mrs. Mary McGinnis? I always think it adds resonance to a hero's mission to have some defining element of tragedy in his background, don't you?
[Terry glares at the Joker]
Ahh! But the one and only kickoff point must be stately Wayne Manor. Gone in a flash before Brucie can hobble to safety or mount a rescue. Don't worry, though. I'll be hitting those other spots soon enough. [after targeting Wayne Manor] Adios, Brucie. I suppose I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that, but the truth is I really did hate your guts. [blows a raspberry at Bruce, then turns to Terry] How about you, kid? Any last words for the old Bat-fart? [referring to Bruce] ["Bat-fart" becomes "Bat-coot" in the edited version]
Yeah. Sic 'im!
[Ace arrives on cue and attacks the Joker]
What's the matter, Batman? No witty comeback? No threat? Then I'll provide the narration... [the screen flickers to life, showing "Our Family Memories"] I'll begin with how I peeled back the layers of the boy's mind. [In the edited version, he says, "I'll begin with how I affected young Robin's makeover."] Oh, he bravely tried to fight it at first. You would've been proud to see him so strong - but all too soon, the serums and the shocks took their toll... and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me. [In the edited cut, "the serums and the shocks took their toll... and" was cut] Secrets that are mine alone to know... Bruce. It's true, Batsy! I know everything. And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit, it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and batarang, you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for mommy and daddy! It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic. [pause] Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway! HA HA HA HA HA HAA!
You know, Bats, we've been doing this little runaround of ours for years. It's been loads of laughs, but sad fact is, none of us are getting any younger.
That old clock's a'tickin'!
Quite right, poo. And Harley and I thought it was time to start a family. Add a "Joker Junior" to our merry brood.
But rather than go through all the joys of childbirth, [makes disgusted face] we decided to adopt.
We couldn't do it legally, but then we remembered that you always have a few spare kids lying around — so we borrowed one.
[Joker and Harley open the curtain, revealing a shadowed figure strapped to a table.]
No...
He needed a little molding, of course; what kid doesn't? But, in time, we came to love him as our own. Say hello, J.J.!
[Robin appears from the shadows, mutilated to look like the Joker and laughing mindlessly]
[Director's Cut version] [tosses the bang flag spear gun to Tim]
Here you go, sonny boy! [Tim grabs the gun] Make daddy proud: deliver the punchline.
[Tim aims the gun at Batman, then pulls the trigger and a "Bang!" flag pops up harmlessly]
Tim...
[Tim pauses a bit, still laughing]
DO IT!
[Tim laughs for a bit, but slowly breaks out of the brainwashing effect, then turns around and fires the gun at the Joker instead, where the flag spear pierces his heart, and he gets flown and knocked into giant building blocks] [dying]
That's not funny... that's not...
[The Joker gets choked up in blood, then falls to the floor, dead; As Barbara runs in, Tim's insane laughter quickly becomes uncontrollable sobbing and he falls to his knees]
[Edited version] [tosses laughing gas gun to Tim]
Here you go, sonny boy! [Tim grabs the gun] Make him one of us!
[Tim aims the gun at Batman, He lowers the gun, then throws it away Bruce smiles but the Joker snarls. Tim still laughing tackles the Joker into the next room with tanks of water near electrical wiring, where he crashes into one and tries going after Tim but slips and turns on the electrical wiring; scene cuts to far away from the room, where the Joker's horrific death scream is heard, As Barbara runs in, Tim's insane laughter quickly becomes uncontrollable sobbing and he falls to his knees]
D Dana
[Terry and Dana are dancing, while Terry is falling asleep, Dana tries to keep him awake by talking...it doesn't work, so...]
Terry, my head's on fire.
[takes the hand of another girl, his eyes are closed]
You look good.
D Dana
[angry]
MCGINNIS!!
[Other girl giggles and walks away]
Sorry, babe. Guess the day was longer than I thought.
[preparing to fire the satellite laser]
So where should I make Ground Zero, Gotham General, where our hero's dear little Dana is recuperating, or here, in the happy garden of Mrs. Mary McGinnis? I always think it adds resonance to a hero's mission to have some defining element of tragedy in his background, don't you? Ah, but the one and only kickoff point must be stately Wayne Manor: gone in a flash before Brucie can hobble to safety or mount a rescue, don't worry though; I'll be hitting those other spots soon enough.
