Ben Lewis Health insurance my ass! They don't pay for shit. You get sick on a Friday, they only pay from Monday through Thursday. You go to doctor A, they only pay for doctor B. You break your penis, they only fix vaginas!
Played by Lewis Black 
Accepted (2006) · 61 quotes
Accepted (2006) · 61 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Accepted (2006): in 8 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: Freaky Guy (3), Bartleby Gaines (2)
What is education? It's paying attention, it's opening yourself up to this great big ball of shit that we call life, and what's the worst thing that can happen? You get bit in the ass! Well let me tell you, my ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down!
More lines from Ben Lewis
3 quotes Ben Lewis Ben Lewis I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?
Ben Lewis You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey form the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit! AHAHAHAHA!
Scenes with Ben Lewis
4 scenes
Girl
Can you sign a copy of your book for me. I got it on Ebay.
Ben They sell my shit on Ebay?
Hands You wrote a book?
Ben Yeah, that was back when I was drinking. [He takes a shot]
It's so refreshing to have somebody approach education so rationally.
Ben ****in' A!
Ben In life, it's important to distinguish between need and want. You think you want something because you've been conditioned to want it.
Kid
I want the pump!
Ben I don't got the pump. But look! I've got the Tim Dunkan Adidas Cool D's.
Kid
I want the pump!
Ben Listen you insolent little snot! There are kids right now in Asia, who are sewing your stupid shoes together, so that their family can have a bowl of rice to eat tonight!
This is the worst idea of all time.
Your Uncle Ben used to be a genius. It'll be fine.
Woman
What did you do?
Ben You're the one who emotionally crippled the kid. You know what? Maybe he's ****. I'm glad my mother's DEAD!
He's just having a bad day.
Uh, Dean Lewis why don't you tell them a little bit about the philosophy here at south Harmon?
Ben Look, we throw a lot of fancy words in front of these kids in order to attract them to going to school in the belief that they're gonna have a better life, and we know that all were doing is breeding a whole new generation of buyers and sellers, BUYERS AND SELLERS! Pimps and whores, PIMPS AND WHORES! and indoctrinating them into a life long hell of debt and indecision!
Jack Gaines
I... I, I just don't understand...
Ben DO I HAVE TO SPOON FEED IT TO YA? look, there's only one reason that kids want to go to school...
Jack Gaines
[after long pause]
... Which is?
Ben ...To get a good job... To get a good job, with a great starting salary.
Jack Gaines
[long pause]
I couldn't agree more.
Diane Gaines
It is so refreshing to have somebody approach education so rationally!
Ben ****in' A!
