Lewis Black movie quotes

View Quote Coach Roberts: [to Riley, Grace, and Bree] Hey, girls. Congratulations on your win!
Joy: [gasps] That's the high school coach! [she and Disgust exclaim excitedly]
Coach Roberts: What a game! That last play? Whoo! The three of you were impressive!
Riley: Thanks, Coach Roberts.
Coach Roberts: Look, its last minute, but every year, I do a three-day skills camp. I invite all the best players in the area. I'd love for you girls to come.
Fear: Are we in a dream right now? Please, can somebody pinch me? [Anger punches him in the arm] Definitely awake.
Joy: If we impress Coach, she'll put the three of us on the team next year.
Anger: Ooh, the Fire Hawks. Finally, a team I can get behind!
Coach Roberts: What do you say?
Riley: YES! Thank you, Coach! Thank you, thank you!
Bree and Grace: [in unison] YES!
Coach Roberts: Great! We'll see you tomorrow. [Riley and her friends squeal in excitement; Later that evening, at Riley's house...]
Jill: What a big day!
Bill: Ha! You are such an all-star! Oh, you're going to knock the coach's skates off! Hockey scholarship, here we come!
Riley: [happily] Dad, stop! It's just hockey camp. I mean who knows what'll happen. [inside her mind, the memory of her getting a two-minute penalty for tripping shows up; worried] My penalty almost lost us the game today. What if I get to camp and screw it up?
Bill: Hey, don't talk like that.
Jill: Yeah. You did great today, honey.
Joy: Exactly! Mom gets it. [removes the memory]
Riley: Yeah, I guess.
Jill: We are so proud of you.

View Quote Jill: [enters Riley's room as Riley wakes up] Riley, you aren't packed yet?
Riley: [as Anger presses a button on the console, Riley is frustrated] You're always on me! Can't you just lay off for like one second?!
Disgust: Uh, overreact much?
Anger: I barely touched it. Those morons broke the console!!!
Jill: Riley, what's wrong?
Sadness: Oh. Mom looks sad. [presses a button on the console, making Riley feel more emotional]
Riley: I'm the WORST! [cries]
Jill: Oh, no. Honey...
Sadness: I barely touched it.
Anger: That's what I said. [Riley then sniffs her armpits]
Disgust: Let the professional handle this. [cracks her knuckles and presses a button on the console, making Riley overreact]
Riley: [???] I'm too gross to go to camp, OR ANYWHERE EVER *AGAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN!* [?]
Disgust: Oh, yeah, this is totally broken. [Zoom into Jill's mind and her emotions.]
Jill's Anger: Well, we all knew this day would come.
Jill's Sadness: Remember, we agreed not to make a big deal about this.
Jill's Disgust: But she really does stink.
Jill's Anger: Oh, it's bad.
Jill's Sadness: Remain calm. Stick to the prepared script. [presses a button on the console, making Jill try to console Riley]
Jill: [sits down on Riley's bed] You are not gross, honey. You're just changing. Remember that beautiful butterfly we saw in the park last week? [inside Riley's mind, the emotions are using an extended arm to reach the console] Well, that butterfly began as a caterpillar. And just like that caterpillar, you're about to get your wings. But if you have questions...
Joy: Easy... [The hand touches a button on the console, making Riley overreact more.]
Riley: [irritated] Oh, my gosh, Mom! Just go away! [gets up from her bed and leaves] UGH!
Jill's Anger: Well, that's a preview of the next ten years.

View Quote Joy: [as Riley goes to the penalty box, two minutes for tripping; voice-over] Okay, looks like we have a couple of minutes while Riley takes a breather. Let me catch you up. Riley is still exceptional. And not just because she's the top of her class, which by the way, she is. She's also really kind, and she's nice to stray cats, I mean, come on! Oh, and she's officially a teenager now. She got very tall, very fast.
Anger: [off-screen] Did we grow overnight?!
Sadness: [off-screen] Oh. That was our favorite shirt.
Joy: [voice-over] We even got braces with extra rubber bands!
Dentist: How does it feel?
Riley: Great! [one of the extra rubber bands snaps off from her braces and hits the dentist's face]
Dentist: Ow.
Riley: Sorry.
Joy: Riley's personality islands are still going strong.
Disgust: Glad to see Boy Band Island finally broke up.
Fear: But Goofball is still monkeying around! [laughs]
Sadness: Wait, where's Family Island?
Joy: It's right there. [gives Sadness binoculars]
Sadness: [sees Family Island through the binoculars, revealing to be smaller than the other islands] Oh, there it is. But what's that blocking it?
Joy: Oh, that's Friendship Island. Isn't it amazing? [voice-over] But we realized her islands aren't the only things made by memories. Way down, at the root level, these memories were also creating beliefs.

View Quote What is education? It's paying attention, it's opening yourself up to this great big ball of shit that we call life, and what's the worst thing that can happen? You get bit in the ass! Well let me tell you, my ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down!

View Quote Health insurance my ass! They don't pay for shit. You get sick on a Friday, they only pay from Monday through Thursday. You go to doctor A, they only pay for doctor B. You break your penis, they only fix vaginas!

View Quote I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?

View Quote Porter: Please tell me you're gonna stop at the hotel!
Spencer: Yeah, we are, but you're not!

View Quote Charlie: So, we're going to the lodge?
Porter: I think I have an answer to your question; Are you out of your juice-drinking little minds?!

View Quote Donna: So where are we staying?
Porter: What's wrong with right here?
Grace: It smells like a horse died in it.