Hey. Stop right there. You put my boyfriend down. Tell us who you are and what you want.
I can't... I can't believe this. I've always dreamt of having a sister. I was just saying this. Wasn't I just saying this?
A brother is a friend who can never leave you. It's the strongest bond in the world. I would kill to have a sibling to sing with.
I'm sorry! I'm not sorry! I'm still working on that!
I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of pretending. I want to be this man. The man I am with you.
I don't do threesomes.
Are you a mother?
Yes. I love every minute of it.
Aww. Then you must have brain damage.
I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.
Well, life can underwhelm you that way.
Where did you think you'd be by now?
It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the deadlines. It can be a little counter-productive.
I don't want to say anything that is anti-feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.
It was our pleasure.
Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work. He really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4-Runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice. Just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day. Otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yeah, a nice smile just might do it.
Wow. That was depressing.I should just start dating women
I tried it, we're no picnic ourselves.
I don't mind being married to my career and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as I sleep, I just don't want to settle.
You're young, right now you see settling down as a failure.
It is, by definition.
By the time someone is right for you it won't feel like settling and the only one to judge you will be the twenty three year old with the target on your back.
Never?
No.
Ever?
No.
You never wanna get married?
Nope.
Never want kids?
Not a chance.
Ever?
Never. Is that so bizarre?
Yes. Yes, it is.
I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.
What?
Sell me marriage.
Okay. How about love?
Okay.
Stability. Just somebody you can count on.
How many stable marriages do you know?
Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.
I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.
How about just not dying alone?
Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those cult members in San Diego, with the sneakers and the Kool-Aid, they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.
Ah, ****.
Brian left me! [[drops suitcase and breaks into hysterics]
Alright. Shh, shh.
Hungry much?
Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
You really want to know?
I'm dying to know.
I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
That's it? You're saving just to save?
Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
That's a little abstract. What's the target?
I'd rather not...
Is it a secret target?
It's ten million miles.
Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Pi's just a number.
Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.
Do they throw you a parade?
You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Wow.
And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.
I have a feeling that we're going to be really good friends.
Well, you saw me naked, so...
All right. I'm gonna go get a drink. This ginger needs her jiggle juice.
Make good choices...
Hey, Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby.
Hey, you know you just have to say, "Hey, Million Dollar Baby." You don't have to reference the specific actress.
Damn, prison changed you.
You have to audition for the Bellas!
I can't concentrate on anything you're saying until you cover your junk.
Just consider it! One time, we sang back-up for Prince. His butt is so tiny that I can hold it with, like, one hand.
A world where everyone looks the same and even sounds the same? That's not harmony!
A good queen listens. Real harmony takes lots of voices! DIFFERENT voices! (smashes Barb's guitar, causing all of the Trolls' colors to disappear)
We're all Trolls! Differences don't matter!
This is gonna sound lame balls, but... When I look back at this -- it won’t be the performing or the competitions that I’ll remember. It’ll be you weirdos. It just makes me sad to think it’s never going to be like this again. I’m really going to miss it.
Your sweat smells like cinnamon.
Tiny Mouse, we meet again. Have you abandoned your foolish plans to face us at the Worlds?
You wish you... gorgeous specimen -- [to Chloe] She’s really in my head.
I saw you do the sound check thing that you guys…
Yeah, the riff-off thing.
Riff-off.
Yeah, I don’t know why we keep challenging people to those. We don’t ever actually win.
Are you sure about this?
Have I ever let you down?
All the time.
What?
You’re very unreliable. It’s like one of the hallmarks of your personality.
You’re not remembering all the times I’ve been awesome.
Guys, we’ve never competed against bands that actually have instruments. So what’s the plan?
Aw, you guys just sing other people’s songs, right? Like karaoke? That’s so cute!
I’m Calamity. This is Serenity, Veracity, and Charity.
If I joined your group I could be obesity.
I love my big booty, only my friend can squeeze it, and not Alvin.
LEAVE HIM ALONE!!
EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP!!!! You all need to STOP trying to kill my brother! YOU'RE ADULTS! Stop it!
'cause humans just wanna put a name on something to make it feel safe, but really, what is a dinosaur other than a dragon?
Mmm. Yeah, I think I'm in love with him. Is that stupid?
Yes. Hard yes.
They have The Rodfather. I don’t know if we’re going to get it though if we haven’t seen The Godfather.









