2nd most-quoted character in Up in the Air (2009): in 10 of its 22 quotes
Most scenes with: Ryan Bingham (9), Alex (2)
Never get behind people traveling with infants. I've never seen a stroller collapse in less than 20 minutes. Old people are worse. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip on shoes. Gotta love 'em.
Natalie That's racist.
I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.
Natalie, what is it you think we do here?
Natalie We prepare the newly unemployed for the emotional and physical hurdles of job hunting, while minimizing legal blow-back.
That's what we're selling. It's not what we're doing.
Natalie Okay, what are we doing?
We are here to make limbo tolerable, to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point were hope is dimly visible. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water and make them swim.
Natalie Hungry much?
Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Natalie Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
You really want to know?
Natalie I'm dying to know.
I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
Natalie So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
Natalie That's it? You're saving just to save?
Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Natalie That's a little abstract. What's the target?
I'd rather not...
Natalie Is it a secret target?
It's ten million miles.
Natalie Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Pi's just a number.
Natalie Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.
Natalie Do they throw you a parade?
You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Natalie Wow.
And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Natalie Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.
What do you suggest I tell them?
Natalie Perhaps you're overlooking the positive effects your career transition will have on your children.
The positive effects? I make about ninety grand a year, unemployment is two hundred fifty bucks a week. Is that one of your positive effects? We get to be cozier because I won't be able to pay my mortgage on my house so maybe we can move into a nice one bedroom apartment. And I guess without benefits I'll be able to hold my daughter as she suffers from her asthma that I won't be able to afford the medication for.
Natalie Tests have shown that children under moderate trauma tend to apply themselves academically as a method of coping.
"Go **** yourself", that's what my kids will think.
Your kids' admiration is important to you?
Yeah of course.
I doubt they ever admired you.
Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?
I'm not a shrink I'm a wake-up call, I see guys who work at the same company their entire lives, guys exactly like you. They clock in and they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness. You have an opportunity. This is a rebirth. If not for you, do it for your children.
Natalie He broke up with me by text message.
Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet.
What a weasly prick.
Natalie Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.
We all fall for the prick. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable and they're fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.
Natalie I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.
Well, life can underwhelm you that way.
Natalie Where did you think you'd be by now?
It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the deadlines. It can be a little counter-productive.
Natalie I don't want to say anything that is anti-feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.
Natalie Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work. He really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4-Runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice. Just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day. Otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yeah, a nice smile just might do it.
Natalie Wow. That was depressing.I should just start dating women
Natalie I don't mind being married to my career and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as I sleep, I just don't want to settle.
You're young, right now you see settling down as a failure.
Natalie It is, by definition.
By the time someone is right for you it won't feel like settling and the only one to judge you will be the twenty three year old with the target on your back.
Natalie Never?
No.
Natalie Ever?
No.
Natalie You never wanna get married?
Nope.
Natalie Never want kids?
Not a chance.
Natalie Ever?
Never. Is that so bizarre?
Natalie Yes. Yes, it is.
I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.
Natalie Keener What?
Sell me marriage.
Natalie Okay. How about love?
Natalie Stability. Just somebody you can count on.
How many stable marriages do you know?
Natalie Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.
I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.
Natalie How about just not dying alone?
Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those cult members in San Diego, with the sneakers and the Kool-Aid, they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.
Natalie Ah, ****.
Natalie Brian left me! [[drops suitcase and breaks into hysterics]
Natalie How can you not think about that? How does it not even cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
It's simple; you know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet... just for a second?
Natalie Yes!
Right, well I don't.
Natalie You're an asshole.
Natalie What happened to Alex?
She had to leave town to get to a meeting.
Natalie That's too bad, where's she live?
Chicago.
Natalie Are you going to go see her?
We don't really have that kind of relationship.
Natalie What kind of relationship do you have?
Casual.
Natalie Sounds pretty special. Do you think there's a future there?
We never really thought about it. What's going on here?
Natalie Really? Never thought about it?
No.
Natalie How can you not think about that? How does it not cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
It just doesn't.
Natalie Don't you think it's worth giving her a chance?
A chance at what?
Natalie A chance at something real
Your definition of "real" is going to evolve as you get older.
Natalie The isolation, the traveling. Is that supposed to be charming?
No, it's simply a life choice.
Natalie It's a cocoon of self-banishment.
Wow, big words.
Natalie You have a set up a way of life that basically makes it impossible for you to have any kind of human connection. And now this woman comes along and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice and comes out on the other end smiling. Just so you can call her "casual"? I need to grow up? You're a twelve year old.
So, what happened?
Natalie How exactly do you mean?
You graduated top of your class. You could have had your pick of employment, including right here. Instead, you went to Omaha to... fire people for a living?
Natalie Challenging work.
I'll say. I couldn't imagine doing that day in and day out. Not in this climate.
Natalie I... followed a boy.
I guess we've all done that at some point in our lives.
This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.
To whom it may concern: I can't begin to count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime. So many that I've forgotten what it's like to actually hire someone. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener. My advice? Take her and don't look back. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.
I sure hope he's right.
