Albert Brooks movie quotes

View Quote I just can't afford anymore delays and you're one of those fish that cause delays. Sometimes its a good thing. There's a whole group of fish; they're called delay fish. No, of course I like you. It's because I like you, I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated... emotion.

View Quote There, there, there. It's okay, Daddy's here, daddy's got you. I promise I will never let anything happen to you... Nemo.

View Quote I'm dead. I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.

View Quote [to Crush] I'm gonna be totally sick!

View Quote Those are sea lions, they are natural predators. They could pounce at any moment.

View Quote [to Dory] Ever since I met you, you showed me how to do stuff I never dreamed of doing. Crazy things. Outsmarting sharks, jumping jellyfish, and finding my son. You made all that happen.

View Quote Shut the **** up, you **** monkey!

View Quote Now it's your turn to clean up after me.

View Quote My partner is a belligerent asshole with his back up against a wall, and now, so am I.

View Quote Daniel Miller: Is this Heaven?
Bob Diamond: No it isn't Heaven?
Daniel Miller: Is it Hell?
Bob Diamond: Nope, it isn't Hell either. Actually, there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close.

View Quote Bob Diamond: For example, I use forty-eight percent of my brain. Do you know how much you use?
Daniel Miller: Forty... seven?
Bob Diamond: [laughs] Three.

View Quote Old lady on bus: [noticing Daniel] Ooh, so young... AIDS?
Daniel Miller: Oh, no... car accident.

View Quote Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!
Cletus Spuckler: Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat at Tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
[Pause]
Russ Cargill: [cynically] Goodbye.
[Cargill's screen switches off.]

View Quote EPA Soldier: I'm afraid we lost them, sir.
Russ Cargill: Dammit!!!
[Cargill throws his binoculars at the EPA soldier, who cowers in fear. The binoculars bounce back off the dome and hit Cargill in the face.]
Russ Cargill: Well then you find 'em, and you get 'em back in the dome! And to make sure nobody else gets out, I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24-7! I want 10,000 tough guys, and I want 10,000 soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher! And here's how I want them arranged: tough, soft, tough, tough, soft, tough, soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.
[pause]
EPA Soldier: Sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power.
Russ Cargill: Of course I have. Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, no one listens to you!

View Quote [After the dome is placed over Springfield]
Sideshow Mel: [hitting the dome with his bone] What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?!
Russ Cargill: The United States Government. [appears on a holographic screen on the side of the dome] My name is Russ Cargill. I'm head of the EPA.
[Everyone murmurs in confusion]
Moe: The what?
Russ Cargill: The Environmental Protection Agency.
Lenny: Come again?
Russ Cargill: Look, I'm a man on a big TV! Just listen! Springfield has become...
Random Springfield Citizen: Woo! Springfield!
Russ Cargill: ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
Krusty: Drama queen!
Russ Cargill: To prevent your poisons from spreading, the government has sealed you all within this dome. Believe me, it's the last thing we wanted to do. I mean, I do own the company that made the dome, but that's beside the point.
Moe: What, are you telling us we're trapped like rats?!
Russ Cargill: No, rats couldn't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Lisa: Wait! We couldn't be more polluted - everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
Russ Cargill: Apparently, someone didn't get the message.
Homer: [to Plopper] Act natural.
Carl: Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna come by and discover this!
Russ Cargill: You don't need to worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
[cuts to a man in his car with a GPS map]
GPS Voice: Coming up on your right... [Springfield is removed from the map] nothing.