Daniel Miller quotes from Defending Your Life (1991)

Daniel Miller

I was driving to work this morning thinking I will be here, in two months, it'll be ten years. And, you're like my real family. Isn't that tragic? [laughter] I got a call from my mother this morning to wish me a Happy Birthday, and hinted around the fact that I wasn't making enough money, if you can call, 'Are you still making that same salary, honey?' a hint. [laughter] And my ex-wife used to say the same thing, although she never used the word 'honey'. [laughter] So, maybe in three years I can double my income?... Four years? Okay. So, you're great people to work with, and this is a great present, and I wish I could squeeze all of you into one pretty woman. [laughter] And if you'd like to go to my office, I'll try. [laughter] Thanks a lot.

Daniel Miller

Why do you do this?

What?

Daniel Miller

I'm curious. I see people driving these things. What do you know that I don't? Are floods coming in? Hoover Dam broke? What's going on?

I like this car.

Daniel Miller

It's not a car, it's a battering ram. This is what Patton drove: "Hey you, soldier! Follow us!"

Make fun, but in an 8.5 earthquake, you'll beg for a Jeep.

Daniel Miller

In an 8.5 earthquake, I'll beg for a coffin.

Daniel Miller

Is this Heaven?

Bob Diamond

No it isn't Heaven?

Daniel Miller

Is it Hell?

Bob Diamond

Nope, it isn't Hell either. Actually, there is no Hell. Although I hear Los Angeles is getting pretty close.

Bob Diamond

For example, I use forty-eight percent of my brain. Do you know how much you use?

Daniel Miller

Forty... seven?

Bob Diamond

Three.

Ooh, so young... AIDS?

Daniel Miller

Oh, no... car accident.

And you sir. How did you die?

Daniel Miller

On stage, like you.

Bob Diamond

Did we ever stop to think that this young boy had a bond with his father? I don't think it had anything to do with the friend. I just think Daniel couldn't lie to his dad. That's all.

You're nodding, Mr. Miller. Does that mean you agree with Mr. Diamond?

Daniel Miller

Oh, yes. I had a bond with my father. I pretty much never lied to him.

You never lied to your father? Would you like me to show you at least 500 examples?

Daniel Miller

I said "pretty much" never lied. I didn't say I never, ever lied. You have to lie sometimes... in an emergency. But, ah, it doesn't mean the bond is affected. If you've got the bond, the bond is always there, and if you have to lie occasionally you're not going to interfere with the bond. You know, the bond can wait for a little lie and... in the end it's there for you. You know, sometimes in the middle of a lie I found that the bond would kick in... maybe squeeze a little truth out.

Bob Diamond

Psst, wrap it up.

Daniel Miller

I'm through.

What did you finally invest in, Mr. Miller, do you remember?

Daniel Miller

Um, uh... cattle.

And what happened to the cattle?

Daniel Miller

I don't know; I never got a straight answer. All I know is that their teeth fell out.

Daniel Miller

You have to be okay with yourself before you can ever be okay with anyone else