Dogma

Dogma quotes

162 total quotes (ID: 699)

Azrael
Bartleby
Bethany Sloane
Jay
Loki
Metatron
Multiple Characters
Rufus
Serendipity


(After a lot of drinks, Bethany has revealed her "mission")
(Rufus walks into the car.)
Rufus: (still groggy from his nap) Where the hell is everybody? I doze of an-- (he sees Bartleby)
Bartleby: The Apostle!
Rufus: Holy shit!
Bethany: Rufus, I'd like you to meet my new friend Barry.
(Bartleby smashes a beer bottle and holds it up to Bethany's neck.)
Bethany: Oh! (laughs) Don't be such a show off, Barry.
Rufus: Take it easy, Bartleby. Just let her go, and we can talk about this.
Bethany: Bartleby?!
Bartleby: So Rufus, this is what it comes down to; slaughter by a meat-puppet.
Bethany: Get your ****ing hands off me, you dick-less son-of-a-bitch!
Bartleby: Save it, lady. A minute ago you were aching to top me off. Loki!
Loki: Oh shit, the Apostle!
Jay: [waking up after dozing off] Pete, I didn't cum in you, I swear--
Loki: [to Rufus] Hey man, what are you doing here?
Bartleby: She just told me that she was on a mission to New Jersey to stop two angels.
Loki: Hey, you think they're talking about us?
Bartleby: No, two other ****ing angels! Yeah, it's a pretty good chance! Whaddya say Rufus, you wanna be liquidated?!
Rufus: You haven't thought about the consequences of your re-entry!
Loki: Consequences, schmonsequences!
Bartleby: Guess what, we're goin' home, no matter whose pride it may offend.
Rufus: It's not a matter of pride, stupid!
Bartleby: Loki, kill the girl.
Loki: What are you, high? I can't kill her if she hasn't done anything, you know that.
Bartleby: Then guess what, I'll kill her.
Jay: What the ****'s going on? I fall asleep and everyone moves, these guys are ****ing flat leavers.
Bartleby: Loki, shut his mouth.


Metatron: As I was saying, prior to your fire-fighting episode, I am the Metatron. (he pauses dramatically; Bethany gapes at him.) ... Don't tell me the name doesn't ring a bell. (Bethany shakes her head.) You people; if there isn't a movie about it it's not worth knowing, is it? I am a seraphim! (Bethany gapes again.) The highest choir of angels? (more gaping.) You do know what an angel is, don't you?!

This is humanity at its best. Look at them. All that anger, all that mistrust, all that unhappiness... forgotten, for that one perfect moment when they get off the plane. (on why he hangs out at the airport)

Metatron: Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're talking to themselves.
Bethany: Why doesn't God speak for Himself?
Metatron: Glad you decided to join the conversation. To answer that: human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.
Bethany: Well... how do I know you're an angel?
Metatron: What, you mean aside from the fiery entrance and expansive wingspan?

PA Announcer: [at St. Michael's hospital] I repeat: this is not a drill. This is the Apocalypse. Please exit the hospital in an orderly fashion.

Hey, Big Bird! Ready to play the counting game? Count the shells, suck-a-duck!

The lesson must be taught. All are accountable... even God.

The whole book's gender-biased. A woman's responsible for original sin. A woman cuts Samson's coif of power. A woman asks for the head of John the Baptist. Read that book again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined. [commenting on the Bible]

Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy, even from each other. But not from God.

Cardinal Glick: People find the Bible obtuse... even hokey.

Cardinal Glick: Christ didn't come to earth to give us the willies! He came to help us out. He was a booster.

Gun store guy: We call this piece the 'Fecalator'. One look at it and the target shits him- or herself. Try it on.

Grant Hicks: [on TV news] With a papal sanction, the archway entrance of the century-old Jersey shore house of worship will serve as a passageway of plenary indulgence — a little-known Catholic belief which offers all that passes through its arches a morally clean slate.

[Bethany, Jay and Silent Bob inspect the body that fell in front of them.]
Bethany: No heartbeat.
Jay: You think someone threw him out of a plane with a message written on him like in Con Air? (to Bethany) You ever see that flick?
[The body starts to move, and the others back away from it.]
Rufus: Oh, did that suck! Con Air, con shit!
Jay: Kill it, kill it!
Rufus: Sounds familiar.
Bethany: Jesus! Are you okay?
Rufus: It's Rufus, and yeah, I'm fine.
Jay: It's the ****ing un-dead! Cut its head off!
Rufus: Hey! What I did just gave me a ****ing migraine! So if you don't pipe down, I'm gonna yank ya' sack off like a paper towel!
Bethany: Speaking of which, you're awfully nude. Rufus, was it?
Rufus: Yes, Rufus it is. Usually "Long" Rufus, but it's kinda cold out here, you understand. (to Silent Bob) Hey, Biggie, how 'bout lending me your coat 'til I find my own threads?
Jay: Dude, he fell outta thin air. [Silent Bob complies with Rufus request and removes his jacket.] Dude, his piece will be rubbin' the inside of your armor! Dude!
Rufus: Hey, thanks. I'll do my best to tuck it back.

Jay: I'm going back to Jersey and start up the business again. I can kick the shit out of little kids in Red Bank and make myself a profit.
voice of Metatron (flashback): Prophets. Two of 'em.
Bethany: You've got to be kidding me.