Give me a kiss, sweetheart.
Jordan.
Oh, come on, baby. I haven't made love to you in so long.
No.
Please.
Jordan, stop it.
Jordan Belfort
Leonardo DiCaprio · 27 quotes
Donnie Azoff
Jonah Hill · 8 quotes
Mark Hanna
Matthew McConaughey · 7 quotes
Naomi Lapaglia
Margot Robbie · 4 quotes
Patrick Denham
Kyle Chandler · 2 quotes
Most scenes together: Donnie Azoff & Jordan Belfort (4), Jordan Belfort & Mark Hanna (3), Jordan Belfort & Naomi Lapaglia (3)
The Wolf of Wall Street quotes
Page 1 of 3
Max Belfort
What kind of hooker takes credit cards?
A rich one!
That was the last time.
What do you mean, baby?
I mean that was the last time we ever have sex.
[the scene cuts to Jordan having sexual intercourse with Naomi]
I loved you since the first moment I saw you.
I **** hate you, Jordan! Get off me!
No, baby. Don't do that. You know how much I love you, right? Stop that sweetie, please?
[pauses]
You wanna **** me, Jordan? You wanna **** me? Good. Go at it. Go ahead and **** me. I want you to **** me real hard. I want you to **** me like it's the last **** time. Come on.
Babe, why you doing it like that?
Because I want you to **** for me, baby.
Come on, baby.
**** for me, baby. I want you to **** for me like it's the last **** time!
Yeah?
Yeah! Come on, baby. **** for me. Come on, baby. Yeah. Yeah, baby, ****.
You want me to **** for you?
Yeah.
How much money you make?
$70,000 last month.
Get the **** outta here!
Well technically, $72,000 last month.
You show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my job right now and work for you.
I got a couple of mil' comin' in like a week. And when it gets in, I'll give you a call and you come pick it up.
Brad You'll give me a call?
When it gets here, I'll give you a call and you'll come pick it up.
Chantalle Well, we don't ****in' work for you, man!
Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Okay? Technically, you do work for me.
Mr. Hanna, you're able to do drugs during the day and then still function, still do your job?
How the **** else are you supposed to do this job? Cocaine and hookers, my friend.
Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn't even get to touch Mommy for a very, very... very long time.
Daddy's really sorry about what he said in the other room, he didn't mean any of it!
Daddy shouldn't waste his time. And from now on... it's gonna be nothing but short, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, Daddy? Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties.
Yeah?
Yeah... [pushes him away with her legs] But no touching.
Oh, gosh.
I heard some stupid shit. I... I didn't even want to bring it up. It's just... stupid.
Shit with me?
People say shit... I don't even know. I don't even listen to it half the time.
What do they say?
Shit about you and your cousin or something like that. I don't even listen to it. It doesn't even...
No... it's not like that. It's not like that.
I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit.
Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think.
Is she like, a first cousin?
Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she **** grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to **** her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes **** my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else **** my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna **** my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.
Well, you know, when you sail on a boat fit for a Bond villain, sometimes you need to play the part. [Pauses] I think it's time you both get the **** off my boat. Whaddya say?
You know, Jordan, I'll tell you something. Most of the Wall Street jackasses that I bust... They're to the manor born. Their fathers are douchebags, just like their fathers before them. But you, you, Jordan, you got this way all on your own.
Did I?
Good for you, little man.
Little man? [Laughing] Me, the little man?
Let me tell you something else. Honestly, I'm not bullshitting here, this is one of the nicest boats that I've ever been on. I gotta tell you.
I bet it is.
And you wanna know what I was just thinking too? The **** hero I'm gonna be back at the office when the Bureau seizes this **** boat. Because, I mean, ****ety **** ****, Jordan, look at this thing! It's beautiful! And you got the beautiful girls there. It's wonderful.
I'm sure. Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly ****in' wives. I'm gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime. Hey, you guys wanna take some lobsters for your ride home? [Picks up a pair of lobsters and throws them after the two agents] ****in' miserable pricks, I know you can't afford them! ****in' cheap ****s!
You want a beer, pal?
What are you drinkin'?
I got this non-alcoholic shit...
What's that?
It's like a non-alcoholic beer. It's got no... no alcohol.
It's a beer?
Yeah, with no alcohol.
But, you drink enough and... you drink a lot and it'll get you **** up?
No, there's no alcohol. That's the ****in' point.
I'm not a scientist; I don't know what the **** you're talking about. I can get you beer if you want ****in' beer.
I know, but I don't drink, remember? I don't drink anymore?
What, you wanna go inside and blow some lines of baking powder, baking soda? Can't imagine ever not enjoying getting **** up. I love it.
Yeah...
How's being sober?
It ****in' sucks.
Boring, right?
So boring. I'm gonna kill myself.
Get us two Absolut martinis. You know how I like 'em, straight up. In 7 and 1/2 minutes, you will bring us two more, then two more every 5 minutes after that, until one of us passes the **** out.
Hector
Excellent strategy, sir.
It's his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.
The name of the game; move the money from the client's pocket into your pocket.
Right. But, if you can make your clients money at the same time it's advantageous to everyone, correct?
No. Number one rule of Wall Street: Nobody - I don't care if you're Warren Buffett or Jimmy Buffett - Nobody knows if the stock's going to go up, down, sideways, or in **** circles, least of all stockbrokers. It's all a Fugazzi. You know what a Fugazzi is?
It's, uh... "Fugazi", it's a fake...
Fugazi, Fugazzi. It's a wazzy, it's a woozy. It's [whistles] fairy dust. It doesn't exist. It's Neverlanded. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart. It's not **** real. Stay with me. We don't create shit. We don't build anything. So if you've got a client who bought stock at 8 and it now sits at 16, and he's all ****in' happy. He wants to cash in, liquidate, take his ****in' money and run home. You don't let him do that, because that would make it real. No. What do you do? You get another brilliant idea. A special idea. Another "situation". Another stock, to reinvest his earnings and then some. And he will, every single time, because they're **** addicted. And then you just keep doing this, again and again and again and again. Meanwhile, he thinks he's getting shit rich, which he is, on paper. But you and me, the brokers, we're taking home cold hard cash via commission, mother****er!