Donkey
Shrek, do my babies have hooves or talons?
Shrek
Donkey, shh. [enters Fiona's tent] Hello? Fiona?
Puss in Boots
You should not be here, señor.
Shrek
Puss? [Puss struggles to get out of his resting place, revealing himself as now overweight, with a pink bow wrapped around the back of his neck] You've gotta be kiddin' me.
Puss in Boots
Feed me, if you dare.
Shrek
Puss, what happened to you?! You got so fa- [as he goes to say "fat", Puss gives him a look] Fancy!
Puss in Boots
Do I know you?
Shrek
Well, where is your hat and your belt? [gasps softly] And your wee little boots?
Puss
Boots, for a cat? [laughs]
Shrek
But you're Puss in Boots.
Puss in Boots
Maybe once. [opens a bottle of milk] But that is a name I have outgrown.
Shrek
That's not the only thing you have outgrown.
Puss in Boots
Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life! I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase. [A mouse runs up to his bowl and starts drinking out of it] ...Eh, I'll get him later. [starts drinking out of the bowl himself]
Shrek
Oh, Puss, what have I done to you? You've gone soft.
Puss in Boots
Well, I do get brushed twice a day.
Shrek
Look, it's not too late to fix it. All you have to do is help me get a kiss from Fiona...
Princess Fiona
What are you doing?!
Shrek
What... [notices Fiona behind him turns around] Hey!
Princess Fiona
Can I help you with something?
Shrek
Well, I know how stressful mounting a rebellion can be, rallying the troops, planning attacks and all that, so I brought you a little something to ease the tension.
Princess Fiona
A gift basket?
Shrek
You’re welcome. So let’s see what you got. [He then got out each different gift from the basket.] Heart-shaped box of slugs. A skunk-scented candle. [sniff] Mmm.
Princess Fiona
Look, this really isn’t the…
Shrek
What’s this? [holds out a homemade coupon book] Coupons! Let’s see, "Good for one free foot massage." "A mud facial!" Oh, and here’s one. [came to one that had a childish drawing of his face on it.] "Good for one free kiss." Let’s cash it now. [but Fiona stops him]
Princess Fiona
Look, I don’t know what this is all about, but I’m trying to run a revolution. So unless you have Rumpelstiltskin’s head in there, I suggest you take your gift basket, get out of my tent and go make yourself useful.
Shrek
Wow. You’re right. I am sorry. I was just trying to be friendly. [holds out hand] No hard feelings? [Fiona decided to shake his hand.] An apologetic hug? [The two hugged.] And a quick kiss goodbye. [Fiona quickly stopped him by stomping his foot then grabbed his arm and placed it behind his back in pain, forcing him to leave.] Wait! Is that mistletoe I see? [Fiona pushed him thrown out of the tent on his back before Donkey came to him with a grin.]
Donkey
Hey, Shrek! Are my babies cute, or do they make people feel uncomfortable?
Princess Fiona
Where’d we find that guy?
Puss in Boots
Could it be true? Have the years of prim and pampery made me soft?
Princess Fiona
Don’t be silly. [then got out a comb and crush.] Now who’s a pretty kitty?
Puss in Boots
I am.
