Judith quotes from Saving Silverman (2001)

Wayne

Hi. I'm Wayne.

Judith

No.

Wayne

No, you don't understand. I'm not hitting on you.

Judith

Back off.

Wayne

I just want to tell you about my buddy, Darren. He's smart, he's sensitive--

Judith

I don't care.

Wayne

He'd make a great husband.

Judith

I don't want to meet him.

Wayne

Great.... [goes back to Darren's table] Dude, she wants you. She thinks you're really cute.

Really?

Wayne

Yeah, she's like "Oh, I'm so excited to meet him," and everything.

Are you sure?

Wayne

Totally! Get down there and make your move.

Judith

That was really great.

Thanks. That got me pretty excited.

Judith

That's nice.

I mean, I wouldn't mind if someone did that to me.

Judith

Oh, I get it. You want me to go down on you. I would love to, but I can't. I have very, very sensitive gums.

You have gums-- It's a medical condition. I wouldn't want to cause you any pain, baby. No.

Wayne

So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.

Judith

That's right.

Wayne

Interesting. I'm in a related field.

Judith

Really? What's that?

Wayne

Pest and rodent removal.

Judith

How is that related?

Wayne

We both help people. While you deal with their emotional and intellectual needs, I protect them from gophers, coons, roaches, silverfish...

Judith

Okay, fine. No more sex.

What?

Judith

You're not allowed to go down on me for one month.

No, Judith, please--

Judith

Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges.

Wayne

But we're prepared to buy you off.

Judith

With what?

Wayne

My house. Okay? Look. My grandma here? She was born in this house, is buried in the back yard. There's my mom, there's my dad and there's me... My dad was dropping me on my head. But we're willing to sign this over to you if you just agree not to see Darren.

Judith

I don't want your shitty house or your dead grandma.

Wayne

I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but he's hung like a horse.

It's true.

Judith

You must be very well-educated.

I suppose.

Judith

Ivy League?

More or less.

Judith

Which one? Yale, Harvard, Princeton?

S.U.

Judith

Oh, Stanford University?

Subway University.

Judith

I knew someone who went there. Did you know J.D. McNugent?

No. No. Never heard of such a person, ever.

Judith

See you later, J.D.

Take it easy, Judith. [stops, and thinks for a minute] Goddamn it! [closes the door]

Judith

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Yes... No.

Judith

Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?

Which man?

Judith

Any man.

You mean, like, a tall man?

Judith

Sure, whatever.

I don't like tall people.

Judith

How about a short man?

How short? Sometimes people can be too short. That's weird, like midgets.

Judith

Have you fantasized about having sex with any man? Any man at all?

Does that include celebrities?