Colette I'll make this easy to remember: keep your station clear, or I will kill you!
5th most-quoted character in Ratatouille (2007): in 18 of its 105 quotes
Most scenes with: Horst (10), Linguini (10), Skinner (2)
How can you tell how good bread is without tasting it? Not the smell, not the look, but the sound of the crust. Listen. [bread crackles] Oh, symphony of crackle. Only great bread sound this way.
More lines from Colette
6 quotes Colette Colette Your sleeves look like you threw up on them!
Colette I didn't have to help you! If I looked out only for myself, I would have let you drown! But..I wanted you to succeed. I...liked you....My mistake.
Colette I hate to be rude, but we're French.
Colette You think cooking is a cute job, eh? Like mommy in the kitchen? Well, mommy never had to face the dinner rush when orders come flooding in, and every dish is different and none are simple, and all have different cooking time, but must arrive at the customer's table hot and perfect! Every second counts, and you cannot be mommy!
Colette The only way to get the best produce is to have first pick of the day, and there are only two way to get first pick. Grow it yourself, or bribe a grower. Voila! The best restaurant get first pick.
Scenes with Colette
11 scenes
[The restaurant thinks Linguini made a fantastic soup] [to Linguini]
What are you playing at?
I, um--am I still fired?
Colette You can't fire him!
What?!
Colette LeClaire [food critic] likes it, yeah? She made a point of telling you so! If she write a review to that effect and find out you fire the cook responsible?
Ha! He's a garbage-boy.
Colette Who made something she liked! How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't apply his most cherished belief?
And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou?
Colette Anyone can cook. [whole room falls silent]
Listen, I just want you to know how honored I am to be studying under such a--
Colette [suddenly pins Linguini's sleeve to the cutting board with a knife]
No, you listen! I just want you'to know exactly who you are dealing with! How many women do you see in this kitchen?
Well, I uh--
Colette [Sticks a second knife to his sleeve]
Only me. Why do you think that is? Because haute cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy built upon rules written by stupid, old men. Rules designed to make it impossible for women to enter this world, but still I'm here. How did this happen?
Well because you, because you--
Colette [Sticks a third knife to his sleeve]
Because I am the toughest cook in this kitchen! I have worked too hard for too long to get here, and I am not going to jeopardize it for some garbage boy who got lucky! Got it?
[Colette removes the knives pinning Linguini's arm down, causing him to fall to the ground] [Gets up, laughs hysterically]
Wow!
Colette "Sweetbread a la Gusteau: Sweetbread cooked in a seaweed salt crust with cuttlefish tentacle, dog rose pur?e, geoduck egg, dried white fungus? Anchovy licorice sauce." I don't know this recipe, but it's Gusteau's so--Lalo! We have some veal stomach soaking, yes?
Lalo Yeah, veal stomach!
Colette I know the Gusteau style code. In every dish, Chef Gusteau always had something unexpected. I will show you. I memorized all these recipes.
Colette No! Follow the recipe!
But you just said to--
Colette No. It was his job to be unexpected. It is our job to follow the recipe.
Colette People think haute cuisine is snooty, so chef must also be snooty. But not so. Lalo there ran away from home at twelve. Got hired by circus people as an acrobat. And then he get fired for messing around with the ringmaster's daughter. [pauses] Horst has done time.
What for?
Colette No one know for sure. He changes the story every time you asked him.
[in a series of flashbacks]
I defrauded a major corporation.
I robbed the second-largest bank in France using only a ballpoint pen.
I created a hole in the ozone over Avignon.
I killed a man with this thumb.
Colette Don't ever play cards with Pompidou. He's been banned from Las Vegas and Monte Carlo. Larousse ran guns for the Resistance.
Which resistance?
Colette He won't say. Apparently, they didn't win.
Colette So you see. We are artist, pirate. More than cooks are we.
We?
Colette Oui. You are one of us now, oui?
Oui. Thank you, by the way, for all the advice about cooking.
Colette Thank you, too.
For what?
Colette For taking it.
Colette This is no time to experiment! We have customers waiting!
You're right! I should listen to you! [he pushes R?my through his toque. R?my slaps him in the face with his own hand immediately] Ow!
When I added that extra ingredient instead of following the recipe like you said, that wasn't me...either.
Colette What do you mean?
I mean, I wouldn't have done that. I would've followed the recipe, I would've followed your advice. I would've followed your advice 'til the ends of the Earth because I love your-r-r-r advice. But--
R?my
[In Linguini's toque, to self]
Don't do it...
Colette You have a rash?
No, no, no. I have this-this tiny, uh, little, little--[rapidly] a-tiny-chef-who-tells-me-what-to-do.
[Colette walks into the kitchen and sees the rats cooking, and looks like she's going to vomit]
Colette, wait! Colette. You came back. Colette...
Colette Don't say a word. If I think about it, I might change my mind. Just tell me what the rat wants to cook.
[After Skinner falls into the water, letting Remy get away with the will, he walks back to Gusteau's, soaked. He enters the office to see Linguini.] [gasps]
You! [angrily points to doorway] Get out of my office.
Colette He's not in your office. You are in his. [Reveals the will and letter. Horst shoves Skinner out the door]
[Meanwhile in the kitchen] [to Linguini]
It's your recipe! How can you not know your own RECIPE?!
I didn't write it down, it just came to me!
Well, make it come to you again, ja? BECAUSE WE CAN'T SERVE THIS!!
Where's my order?!
Can't we serve them something else?! Something I didn't invent?
Larousse This is what they're ordering!
Make them order something else! Tell him we're all out!
Pompidou We cannot be all out. We just opened.
Larousse I have another idea. What if we serve them what they order?!
Colette We will make it! Just tell us what you did!
I don't know what I did!
We need to tell the customers something!
Then tell them... tell them... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [flees the kitchen and runs back into the office]
LaRousse [puzzled]
Eh?
Don't do it!
Remy! Don't! Stop!
They'll see you! STOP!
We are not talking about me! We are talking about what to do right now!
Colette [Remy enters, and everyone sees him] [gasps]
RAAAAAT!!! Kill it!
Chefs
RAAAAAT!!!
Remy!
Get my knife!
[Linguini sees and gasps in his office] [jumps in front of the chefs]
DON'T TOUCH HIM!!! [whispers to Remy] Thank you for coming back, Little Chef. [to the chefs] I know this sounds insane, but... well, folks, the truth sounds insane sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not. Uh, the truth. And the truth is, I have no talent at all, but this rat, he's the one behind these recipes, he's the cook! The real cook. He's been hiding under my toque. He's been controlling my actions. He's the reason I can cook the food that's exciting everyone. The reason Ego is outside that door. I know it's hard to believe, but, hey, you believed I could cook, right? Look. [showing the chefs how Remy pulls a couple of his hair locks to control his arms] This works. It's crazy, but it works. We can be the greatest restaurant in Paris and this rat, this brilliant Little Chef, can lead us there. What do you say? You with me?
[Horst steps up, but takes off his apron, and leaves in disappointment. Both Emile and Django hide as the rest of the chefs leave. Colette is the last to leave. She raises her hand, about to slap Linguini, but she doesn't and instead sighs in disappointment. She climbs on her motorcycle and rides off. Both Linguini and Remy are sad. Linguini looks through the window, and sees Anton Ego, who gives him a glare. Linguini sadly walks back into his office, leaving Remy behind. Meanwhile, Colette rides in the streets in sadness. She stops and notices the cookbook in the window entitled "Anyone can cook".]
