Linguini [holding R?my in a jar]
You're the one who was getting fancy with the spices! What did you throw in there? Oregano? [terrified R?my shakes his head] No? What? Ro--uh, rosemary? [he shakes his head again] That's a spice, isn't it? Rosemary? [R?my nods.] You didn't throw rosemary in there? Then what was all the flipping and all the throwing and the-- [Linguini sulks] I need this job. I've lost so many. I don't know how to cook and now I'm actually talking to a rat as if you-- [he gasps] Did you nod? [R?my nods] Have you been nodding? You understand me![R?my, brow raised, nods again]. So I'm not crazy! Wait a second, wait a second-- Uh, I can't cook, can I? [R?my thinks for a moment, then shakes his head] But you, heh, you can, right? [R?my shrugs modestly but acknowledgedly]. Look, don't be so modest. You're a rat for Pete's sake.
Linguini [R?my has been discovered again in kitchen]
I know this sounds insane, but, well, the truth sounds insane sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not the truth. And the truth is...I have no talent at all. But this r-rat [picks up R?my], he's the one behind these recipes. He's the cook, the real cook. [puts R?my on his head] He's been hiding under my toque. He's been controlling my actions. [R?my pulls Linguini's hair causing his arms go up] He's the reason I can cook the food that's exciting everyone, the reason Ego is outside that door! You've been giving me credit for his gift. I know it's a hard thing to believe, but hey, you-you believed I could cook, right? Look, this works, it's crazy, but it works. We can be the greatest restaurant in Paris, and this rat, this brilliant, Little Chef, can lead us there.
Larousse Hey boss, look who's here! Alfredo Linguini, Renata's little boy! All grown-up. You remember Renata, Gusteau's old flame?
[disinterested]
Oh, yes, how are you, uh...
Larousse Linguini.
Linguini M-My mother?
Larousse Renata.
Ah yes, Renata. How is she?
Linguini She's good. Well, not--She's been better. I-I mean, uh--
[awkwardly]
Oh. I'm...sorry.
Linguini Oh, no, don't be. She believed in heaven, so she's covered. You know, afterlife-wise. [he gives Skinner a letter]
Linguini She-she dropped it off for you. I-I think she hoped it would help me. You know, get a job...here.
[Skinner has made Linguini drunk]
Have you ever had a pet rat?
Linguini Nope.
Did you work in a lab with rats?
Linguini Nope.
Perhaps you lived in squalor at some point?!
Linguini Nopity, nopity no.
You know something about rats! You know you do!
Linguini You know who know do whack-a-do...ratta-tatta! Hey, why do they call it that?
Linguini Ratatouille! It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious! "Ratatouille" doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie". Rat-patootie...which does not sound delicious. [holds up his glass, gesturing for more wine]
[angrily]
Regrettably...[Drops wine bottle into trash can] we are all out of wine.
Linguini Listen, I just want you to know how honored I am to be studying under such a--
[suddenly pins Linguini's sleeve to the cutting board with a knife]
No, you listen! I just want you'to know exactly who you are dealing with! How many women do you see in this kitchen?
Linguini Well, I uh--
[Sticks a second knife to his sleeve]
Only me. Why do you think that is? Because haute cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy built upon rules written by stupid, old men. Rules designed to make it impossible for women to enter this world, but still I'm here. How did this happen?
Linguini Well because you, because you--
[Sticks a third knife to his sleeve]
Because I am the toughest cook in this kitchen! I have worked too hard for too long to get here, and I am not going to jeopardize it for some garbage boy who got lucky! Got it?
Linguini [Nervously]
Uh-huh.
Linguini [Colette removes the knives pinning Linguini's arm down, causing him to fall to the ground] [Gets up, laughs hysterically]
Wow!
People think haute cuisine is snooty, so chef must also be snooty. But not so. Lalo there ran away from home at twelve. Got hired by circus people as an acrobat. And then he get fired for messing around with the ringmaster's daughter. [pauses] Horst has done time.
Linguini What for?
No one know for sure. He changes the story every time you asked him.
[in a series of flashbacks]
I defrauded a major corporation.
I robbed the second-largest bank in France using only a ballpoint pen.
I created a hole in the ozone over Avignon.
I killed a man with this thumb.
Don't ever play cards with Pompidou. He's been banned from Las Vegas and Monte Carlo. Larousse ran guns for the Resistance.
Linguini Which resistance?
He won't say. Apparently, they didn't win.
Linguini When I added that extra ingredient instead of following the recipe like you said, that wasn't me...either.
Linguini I mean, I wouldn't have done that. I would've followed the recipe, I would've followed your advice. I would've followed your advice 'til the ends of the Earth because I love your-r-r-r advice. But--
RM R?my
[In Linguini's toque, to self]
Don't do it...
Linguini [hesitantly]
I have a secret. It's sort of disturbing. I have a ra--I have a ra-a-a-a--
Linguini No, no, no. I have this-this tiny, uh, little, little--[rapidly] a-tiny-chef-who-tells-me-what-to-do.
Linguini It's my... Second, third, fourth... Fifth time. Monday was my first time. But I've been taking out the garbage lots of time before that…
Yes, yes. Have some more wine. Tell me, Linguini about your interests. Do you like animals?
Linguini What? Animals? What kind?
Oh, the usual, dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs, rats.
[comes out with scraps of gourmet food]
I brought you something to -- [sees Emile eating the garbage] AGH!!!!! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!
[Emile shamefully spits out the garbage; Remy sighs]
I have got to teach you about food. Close your eyes. [Emile does; hands him some cheese] Now, take a bite of thi -- [Emile inhales it] NO! NO, NO! Don't just hork it down!
Here. [hands him another piece] Ah, chew it slowly... Only think about the taste.
[Emile tastes the cheese slowly; everything behind him fades to black as a faint yellow-grey visualization appears along with a low bass melody]
See?
Creamy, salty sweet... an oaky nuttiness... You detect that?
Oh, I'm detecting nuttiness.
Close your eyes. [hands Emile half a grape] Now taste this.
[Emile tastes the grape; light violet visualizations appear to a vibraphone melody]
Whole different thing, right? Sweet, crisp, slight tang on the finish?
Now, try them together.
[Emile tastes them both at once; both melodies slowly begin to merge and get progressively louder as the visualizations grow and change shape little by little] Emile Okay... I think I'm gettin' a little something there...
It might be the nuttiness...
That's it! Now, imagine every great taste in the world being combined into infinite combinations, and tastes that no one has tried yet! Discoveries to be made!
[The visualizations fade and the melody distorts] [groans]
Yeah...
But that was interesting. Most interesting garbage I ever-- HEY! What are we doing?! Dad doesn't know you are alive yet! We've got to go to the colony! Everyone will be thrilled!
The thing is, I kind of have too…
What do you have to more than family? What's more important here?
Well, I… It wouldn't hurt to visit.
Have you ever had a pet rat?
Linguini No.
Did you work in a lab with rats?
Linguini No.
Perhaps you lived in squalor at some point!
Linguini Nopety nopety no.
You know something about rats! You know you do!
Linguini You know who know do whacka-doo. Ratta-tatta. Hey! Why do they call it that?
Linguini Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? You’re gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille Doesn’t sound delicious, it sounds like rat and patootie, Ratpatootie, which does not sound delicious. [sharing more wine]
Regrettably, [drops the wine on the trash can] we are all out of wine.
My son has returned. [Rats cheering] And finding someone to replace you for poison checker has been a disaster. Nothing's been poisoned, thank gosh, but it hasn't been easy. You didn't make it easy.
Well, the important thing is that you're home.
You look thin. Why is that? A shortage of food, or a surplus of snobbery?
[Meanwhile in the kitchen] [to Linguini]
It's your recipe! How can you not know your own RECIPE?!
Linguini I didn't write it down, it just came to me!
Well, make it come to you again, ja? BECAUSE WE CAN'T SERVE THIS!!
Linguini Can't we serve them something else?! Something I didn't invent?
Larousse This is what they're ordering!
Linguini Make them order something else! Tell him we're all out!
Pompidou We cannot be all out. We just opened.
Larousse I have another idea. What if we serve them what they order?!
We will make it! Just tell us what you did!
Linguini I don't know what I did!
We need to tell the customers something!
Linguini Then tell them... tell them... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [flees the kitchen and runs back into the office]
LaRousse [puzzled]
Eh?
[Remy is about to re-enter the kitchen] [trying to stop his son]
Remy!
We are not talking about me! We are talking about what to do right now!
[Remy enters, and everyone sees him] [gasps]
RAAAAAT!!! Kill it!
Linguini [Linguini sees and gasps in his office] [jumps in front of the chefs]
DON'T TOUCH HIM!!! [whispers to Remy] Thank you for coming back, Little Chef. [to the chefs] I know this sounds insane, but... well, folks, the truth sounds insane sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's not. Uh, the truth. And the truth is, I have no talent at all, but this rat, he's the one behind these recipes, he's the cook! The real cook. He's been hiding under my toque. He's been controlling my actions. He's the reason I can cook the food that's exciting everyone. The reason Ego is outside that door. I know it's hard to believe, but, hey, you believed I could cook, right? Look. [showing the chefs how Remy pulls a couple of his hair locks to control his arms] This works. It's crazy, but it works. We can be the greatest restaurant in Paris and this rat, this brilliant Little Chef, can lead us there. What do you say? You with me?
[Horst steps up, but takes off his apron, and leaves in disappointment. Both Emile and Django hide as the rest of the chefs leave. Colette is the last to leave. She raises her hand, about to slap Linguini, but she doesn't and instead sighs in disappointment. She climbs on her motorcycle and rides off. Both Linguini and Remy are sad. Linguini looks through the window, and sees Anton Ego, who gives him a glare. Linguini sadly walks back into his office, leaving Remy behind. Meanwhile, Colette rides in the streets in sadness. She stops and notices the cookbook in the window entitled "Anyone can cook".]
