Gentlemen. Ve have here a technical problem. Hmm? I do not know if vat ve have here is ze quick fuse or ze slow fuse. Ja, ja, I must find zis out. [snips dynamite fuse] Zis is critical. [lights fuse with match] Ha ha ha, ja ja, you see zis? You see zis here vat I have told you? Yeah, zis is an example of smartness here. I have said that zis is ze quick fuse. Huh? And zis IS ze quick fuse.
Max Bialystock
Zero Mostel · 47 quotes
Leo Bloom
Gene Wilder · 27 quotes
Franz Liebkind
Kenneth Mars · 10 quotes
Lorenzo St. DuBois
Dick Shawn · 8 quotes
Roger De Bris
Christopher Hewett · 6 quotes
Singers
5 quotes
Most scenes together: Max Bialystock & Leo Bloom (16), Max Bialystock & Franz Liebkind (2), Max Bialystock & Roger De Bris (2)
The Producers quotes
Page 4 of 6GIMME MY BLUE BLANKET!!!
Go away, go away. You frighten me.
Hitler... there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!
How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?
How humiliating. Max Bialystock. Max Bialystock. You know who I used to be? Max Bialystock! King of Broadway! Six shows running at once! Lunch at Delmonico's. $200 suits. You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye! Look at me now. LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt! I used to have thousands of investors begging, pleading to put their money in a Max Bialystock production. Look at my investors now. [He opens a cabinet with pictures of wealthy, elderly women] Voila! Hundreds of little old ladies stopping off at Max Bialystock's office to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery! [To Leo] You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect. One, two... Do the books. Do the books...Window's so filthy, can't tell whether it's day or night out there.
I am the author. You are the audience. I outrank you!
I lieb ya, baby, I lieb ya, I lieb ya! Now lieb me alone!
I used to have thousands of investors wanting to put their money in a Max Bialystock production! These are my investors now! [shows pictures of little old women] Little old women who want one last thrill of life of their way to the cemetery.
I was born in Dusseldorf, and that is why they call me Rolf!
I'm a nothing. I spend my life counting other people's money. People I'm smarter than. Better than! I want... I want... I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!
I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!
I'm in pain and I'm wet and I'm still hysterical!
I'm supposed to be the grand Duchess Anastasia... but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie!
It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby, and I find it very comforting.