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Max Bialystock quotes

View Quote That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!
View Quote [Searching for the sure-fire flop] "Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant ****roach." Nah, it's too good.
View Quote Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.
View Quote Max Bialystock is launching himself into little old lady land.
View Quote Thank you, I knew I could con you.
View Quote That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.
View Quote You're an accountant! You're in a noble profession! The word "count" is part of your title!
View Quote You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!
View Quote I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!
View Quote Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!
View Quote Oooooooh, I WANT THAT MONEY!
View Quote This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
View Quote How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?
View Quote I used to have thousands of investors wanting to put their money in a Max Bialystock production! These are my investors now! [shows pictures of little old women] Little old women who want one last thrill of life of their way to the cemetery.
View Quote Leo, he who hesitates is poor!
View Quote Money is honey! Money is honey!
View Quote [reading post-show telegrams] "Congratulations! Hitler will run forever."
View Quote [smiling at Leo to calm him down] Well you know what they say, 'smile and the world smiles with you.' [Aside] This man should be in a straight-jacket.
View Quote Sing it out, men! Higher, you animals, higher! We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!
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