Hold me, Touch me
[locking the door to Max's office]
Let's fool around.
Max Bialystock
Zero Mostel · 47 quotes
Leo Bloom
Gene Wilder · 27 quotes
Franz Liebkind
Kenneth Mars · 10 quotes
Lorenzo St. DuBois
Dick Shawn · 8 quotes
Roger De Bris
Christopher Hewett · 6 quotes
Singers
5 quotes
Most scenes together: Max Bialystock & Leo Bloom (16), Max Bialystock & Franz Liebkind (2), Max Bialystock & Roger De Bris (2)
The Producers quotes
Page 1 of 6
Old Lady in Audience
[Before turning to leave the theater]
Well! Talk about bad taste!
Don't be stupid! Be a smartie!
Come and join the Nazi Party! (Actually sung by Mel Brooks)
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Winter for Poland and France
Concierge
Who d'ya want?
I beg your pardon?
Concierge
Who d'ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the "consy-urge". My husband used to be the "consy-urge", but he's dead. Now I'M the "consy-urge".
We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
Concierge
Oh... the Kraut! He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
Thank you...
Concierge
...But you won't find him there... he's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty... disgusting... filthy... lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore! No, sir! Boids!... You get my drift?
We... uh... get your "drift". Thank you, madam.
Concierge
I'm not a "madam"! I'm a "consy-urge"!
Drunk Eternally grateful... A TOAST!
A TOAST!
A TOAST... to what?
Drunk To... to toast, I love toast.
To toast.
To toast.
Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
I know who did zis! It vas that LSD!
Goebbels
Danke schön, mein Führer.
Hey, you're a German.
Goebbels
We're all Germans.
That's right. [gasps] That means we CANNOT invade Germany.
Hold me, Touch me
And after that, we'll play, "The Abduction and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia", and I'll be Lucretia.
And I'll be Rape!
Hold me, Touch me
Hold me! Touch me!
Hold me, Touch me
I heard the Count fired you this morning - watch the road, watch the road.
[stops making car noises]
Oh, Countess, I can't take my eyes off you! How can I drive when you drive me mad? Mad! [continues making car noises]
Hold me, Touch me
Oh, Rudolpho, you dirty pig! Pull over.
Hold me, Touch me
Oh, hold me! Touch me!
Thursday! Thursday!
...You say you've found a flop?
[referring to "Springtime For Hitler"]
Oh, no. Calling THIS a flop would be an INSULT to flops. We've found a disaster, an apocalypse, a catastrophe, an outrage, a career-buster, a guaranteed-to-close-before-it-opens beauty! Read it and weep; it's practically a love letter to Nazi Germany!
Wow...This won't run an hour!
An hour!? That's being generous. This play promises to close on Page 4! Don't you, play? [comical voice] "Yes, Mr. Bialystock; I promise to close on Page 4."
[after walking in on Max romancing Hold me, Touch me]
Oh my God!
You mean "oops", don't you? Just say "oops" and get out!
Ahahahahahahahaha...
Not "ahahahahahahah!" Oops!
Oops! [slams the door]