Prince Humperdinck I always think everything could be a trap, which is why I'm still alive.
Played by Chris Sarandon 
The Princess Bride (1987) · 113 quotes
The Princess Bride (1987) · 113 quotes
7th most-quoted character in The Princess Bride (1987): in 12 of its 113 quotes
Most scenes with: Westley (3), Count Rugen (3)
My people ... a month from now, our country will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common now.
More lines from Prince Humperdinck
5 quotes Prince Humperdinck Prince Humperdinck Iocaine! I'd bet my life on it. And there are the Princess's footprints. She is alive ... or was, an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her, I shall be very put out.
Prince Humperdinck Disappeared. He must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking in error. Unless I am wrong, and I am never wrong, they are headed dead into the Fire Swamp.
Prince Humperdinck You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you.
Prince Humperdinck [After being tied to a chair and discovering that Westley is too weak to walk]
I knew he was bluffing.
Scenes with Prince Humperdinck
6 scenes Prince Humperdinck [When surrounded by Humperdinck's guards]
Surrender!
You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well - I accept.
Prince Humperdinck For the last time, surrender!
Death first!!
Prince Humperdinck and Westley
What was that?
Are you coming down into the Pit? Westley's got his strength back. I am starting him on The Machine tonight.
Humperdinck Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But, I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.
Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.
Humperdinck [Westley is lying weak on the bed, having just been challenged by Prince Humperdinck.]
To the death!
No! To the pain.
Humperdinck [pauses]
I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
Humperdinck [flinching angrily]
That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
It won't be the last. "To the pain" means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Humperdinck [losing his patience]
And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right—
Humperdinck [exasperated]
And then my ears, I understand! Let's get on with it—
WRONG! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Humperdinck [pauses]
I think you're bluffing.
It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. [standing slowly and holding out his sword] Drop. Your. Sword.
Humperdinck [appears with Count Rugen]
She has been like that ever since the Fire Swamp. It's my father's failing health that's upsetting her.
Of course.
The King died that very night, and before the following dawn, Buttercup and Humperdinck were married. And at noon she met her subjects again, this time as their queen.
Humperdinck My father's final words were...
Hold it! Hold it! Grandpa, you read that wrong. She doesn't marry Humperdinck, she marries Westley. I'm just sure of it. After all that Westley did for her, if she didn't marry him, it wouldn't be fair.
Well, who says life is fair? Where is that written? Life isn't always fair.
I'm telling you, you're messing up the story! Now get it right!
Do you want me to go on with this?
Yes.
All right, then, no more interruptions. At noon she met her subjects again, this time as their queen.
Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable.
Humperdinck I know, the people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged - they'll demand we go to war.
[snickers, then examines the huge tree]
Now where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find... [finds it and the tree opens to reveal the passage into the pit] Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? Wesley's got his strength back. I'm starting him on the machine tonight.
Humperdinck [sincerely]
Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work...but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.
Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything. [smiles at Prince Humperdinck]
