Clouseau And you are?
Gilbert Ponton. Detective, Second Class.
Clouseau And what qualifications do you have for police work?
My family has done police work in Paris for nine generations.
Clouseau And before zat?
We were policemen in the surrounding areas for two hundred years.
Clouseau And before zat?
Immigrants from various countries in Europe, all involved in police work.
Clouseau And before zat?
Clouseau Mm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn. Gilbert Ponton, I vow to teach you everything I know about police work. And together, we are going to catch a killer.
V Vainqueur
[Clouseau and Ponton go to question the new head coach of the French national football team]
You wanted to see me?
Clouseau You are Vainquer?
V Vainqueur
Yes. And who are you?
Clouseau I am Inspector Clouseau. Per'aps you 'ave 'eard of me.
Clouseau [notices Ponton taking notes]
Don't write that down!
V Vainqueur
What do you want?
Clouseau I am told that Bizu hated Gluant.
V Vainqueur
A lot of people hated Gluant.
Clouseau Did you?
V Vainqueur
I spent six years under his thumb, being verbally abused every day. Yes, I was not a fan of Yves Gluant.
Clouseau And now 'e is dead... and you have his job. How ironic.
V Vainqueur
Not every death is a tragedy.
Clouseau Footsteps. Its a young woman. 30 to 35 years old. 5"2, 5"4. Brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. She has on...[sniffs air] Chanel number 5. [The footsteps are shown to be those of Yuri, the team trainer].
Inspector Clouseau Is anyone with you?
Inspector Clouseau Do you have a pair of high 'eels in that bag?
Inspector Clouseau Not even a small pair of pumps?
Inspector Clouseau Who are you?
Y Yuri
I am Yuri, the trainer.
Inspector Clouseau So what is it you do here, Yuri the trainer?
Inspector Clouseau So you are Yuri the trainer who trains. humph. [turns away from Yuri, then suddenly turns and points at Yuri]
Inspector Clouseau DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE!
Y Yuri
Bu-but I have to go to Asia.
Inspector Clouseau Okay... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE OR ASIA!
Y Yuri
And we have one match in Brazil.
Inspector Clouseau Alright... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE, ASIA, OR ZE AMERICAS!
Clouseau You are the soccer player known as Bizu?!
Clouseau You are acquainted with Yves Gluant?!
B Bizu
I'm glad he's pushing up daisies.
Clouseau 'e is not pushing up daisies. 'e is dead!
Clouseau You, sir, are the idiom. Now, unless you want to spend ze rest of your life in prison, you will answer ze next question: did you kill him?!
B Bizu
I would have loved to have killed him.
Clouseau Duh!
B Bizu
But, some lucky bastard beat me to it.
Clouseau You disgust me! I'll be right back. [Clouseau leaves, closing the door behind him, but immediately opens it again.] Cigarette?
Clouseau Good for you. Bizu, I know you didn't do it. Someone else did, and they are trying to set you up.
Clouseau Of course I'll help you. Now, do you have any idea who could have done this terrible thing?
B Bizu
His partner in those stupid restaurants, Larocque.
Clouseau Raymond Larocque, the casino owner!
B Bizu
Gluant would steal money from the restaurants and use it to gamble. My guess is Larocque got fed up and had him killed.
Clouseau Bizu, I like you. I am going to help you. You and I are going to make a great team.
Inspector Clouseau [Clouseau leaves and gets ready to be the Bad Cop again.]
Ze good-cop, bad-cop routine is working perfectly!
You know, usually, two different cops do that.
NB Nigel Boswell/Agent 006
It is very important that you remain calm and do not turn around.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau Remain calm, do not turn around.
NB Nigel Boswell/Agent 006
Behind you in the casino are the Gas Mask Bandits.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau [Turns around and panics]
Oh my God! Ze Gas Mask Bandits!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau Without you, I would be nothing!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau Ha! Excellent verbal joust, inspector! We must do lunch sometime. Had it not been for you, who knows? Someone else might have won the Medal of Honor this year.
[Grumbling as Clouseau gets in the car]
Yes, I know. Idiot. [Looks down] Oh no.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau What? What did you say?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau Hmm.
[Chief Inspector Dreyfus seen screaming while his coat is stuck in the car door]
CLOUSEAU!
