Ponton quotes from The Pink Panther (2006)

Clouseau

And you are?

Ponton

Gilbert Ponton. Detective, Second Class.

Clouseau

And what qualifications do you have for police work?

Ponton

My family has done police work in Paris for nine generations.

Clouseau

And before zat?

Ponton

We were policemen in the surrounding areas for two hundred years.

Clouseau

And before zat?

Ponton

Immigrants from various countries in Europe, all involved in police work.

Clouseau

And before zat?

Ponton

Farmers.

Clouseau

Mm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn. Gilbert Ponton, I vow to teach you everything I know about police work. And together, we are going to catch a killer.

You wanted to see me?

Clouseau

You are Vainquer?

Yes. And who are you?

Clouseau

I am Inspector Clouseau. Per'aps you 'ave 'eard of me.

No.

Clouseau

Don't write that down!

What do you want?

Clouseau

I am told that Bizu hated Gluant.

A lot of people hated Gluant.

Clouseau

Did you?

I spent six years under his thumb, being verbally abused every day. Yes, I was not a fan of Yves Gluant.

Clouseau

And now 'e is dead... and you have his job. How ironic.

Not every death is a tragedy.

Ponton

And, what was the-

Clouseau

Footsteps. Its a young woman. 30 to 35 years old. 5"2, 5"4. Brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. She has on...[sniffs air] Chanel number 5. [The footsteps are shown to be those of Yuri, the team trainer].

Inspector Clouseau

Is anyone with you?

No.

Inspector Clouseau

Do you have a pair of high 'eels in that bag?

No.

Inspector Clouseau

Not even a small pair of pumps?

No?

Inspector Clouseau

Who are you?

I am Yuri, the trainer.

Inspector Clouseau

So what is it you do here, Yuri the trainer?

I... train.

Inspector Clouseau

So you are Yuri the trainer who trains. humph. [turns away from Yuri, then suddenly turns and points at Yuri]

Inspector Clouseau

DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE!

Bu-but I have to go to Asia.

Inspector Clouseau

Okay... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE OR ASIA!

And we have one match in Brazil.

Inspector Clouseau

Alright... DO NOT LEAVE EUROPE, ASIA, OR ZE AMERICAS!

Okay.

Clouseau

You are the soccer player known as Bizu?!

Yes.

Clouseau

You are acquainted with Yves Gluant?!

I'm glad he's pushing up daisies.

Clouseau

'e is not pushing up daisies. 'e is dead!

It's an idiom!

Clouseau

You, sir, are the idiom. Now, unless you want to spend ze rest of your life in prison, you will answer ze next question: did you kill him?!

I would have loved to have killed him.

Clouseau

Duh!

But, some lucky bastard beat me to it.

Clouseau

You disgust me! I'll be right back. [Clouseau leaves, closing the door behind him, but immediately opens it again.] Cigarette?

No. Thanks.

Clouseau

Good for you. Bizu, I know you didn't do it. Someone else did, and they are trying to set you up.

You'll help me?

Clouseau

Of course I'll help you. Now, do you have any idea who could have done this terrible thing?

His partner in those stupid restaurants, Larocque.

Clouseau

Raymond Larocque, the casino owner!

Gluant would steal money from the restaurants and use it to gamble. My guess is Larocque got fed up and had him killed.

Clouseau

Bizu, I like you. I am going to help you. You and I are going to make a great team.

Inspector Clouseau

Ze good-cop, bad-cop routine is working perfectly!

Ponton

You know, usually, two different cops do that.

Ponton

He was just found dead in a training facility locker room. Shot in the head.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Was it fatal?

Ponton

Yes.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

How fatal?

Ponton

Um, completely.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

I want to speak to him now!

Ponton

He's dead.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Without you, I would be nothing!

Dreyfus

Perhaps you still are.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Ha! Excellent verbal joust, inspector! We must do lunch sometime. Had it not been for you, who knows? Someone else might have won the Medal of Honor this year.

Dreyfus

Yes, I know. Idiot. [Looks down] Oh no.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

What? What did you say?

Ponton

Nothing.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?

Ponton

No.

Inspector Jacques Clouseau

Hmm.

Chief Inspector Dreyfus

CLOUSEAU!