The Pacifier (2005) · 25 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in The Pacifier (2005): in 5 of its 25 quotes
Most scenes with: Shane Wolfe (5), Seth Plummer (3), Claire Fletcher (3)
Looks like you have a hit on your hands.
You think so?
Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. [She and Shane chuckle] It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling.
Murney Climb every mountain/Ford every stream
It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.
[He and Claire share a kiss]
Got them here. My fault.
Murney Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer. I guess Mrs. Plummer thought so too, huh? Wow, you got a real upper torso going on, huh? You ever do any time?
Murney You got something to say, boy?
No.
Murney No? Good. Wow, it looks like you have a pair of legs coming out of your shoulders. You hit the gym a lot, do you?
Eh.
Murney All right, you know what, Creeper? You just bought yourself an extra 15 minutes on the mats with the Murninator!
Excuse me. Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm watching the kids for the Plummers, a few days.
Murney Oh, babysitter, huh? Well, good, whatever job you can get, right? I'm Murney, Dwayne Murney. My friends call me "Little Puppet". I'm the VP here. I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy from top to bottom, K through 12. You're in my house now, strong man.
You're the vice principal.
Murney And the wrestling coach. See the Creeper over there? He has played hooky from every wrestling practice this month. And her, she has missed 22 Driver's Ed classes out of 23! These are the worst students in my school. I'm ashamed of...
Your school? Good morning, kids. [clears throat] Mr. Murney, thank you so much for watching my chair for me. I'll take it from here.
Murney Roger that. Absolutely. I was just informing our new friend here about some of the duties as vice principal.
Yes, and speaking of which, how's it going with the investigation into the baloney slices on the cafeteria ceiling?
Murney Oh, that's been taking some interesting turns.
You just keep up the good work.
Murney Right then. I'll be on the roof.
Bye, now. All right, kids, I think it's time to get back to class. I'll cut you some slack seeing as it's Lieutenant Wolfe's first day. Thank you.
Hey!
Enough.
Murney All right, you heard the lady. Let's break it up, guys. Come on. Hmm? Relax, Popeye. Boys will be boys, huh? Anyway, it's kinda good for the creeper. Gives him a chance to punk up. Learn to defend himself.
Six against one?
Murney Well, you know, the odds are never pretty, but look at it, as like, a preparation for him. You know, the naked streets of Bethesda can be so dark and dangerous, right, creeper? [Seth angrily tries to attack Murney, but Shane restrains him]
Ooh, whoa.
Murney You're pretty quick there, frogman. I, myself, happen to be a blackbelt. That's why they wanted me to coach the wrestling team. Ooh-aah! Sensei. You know what that's called, homeboy? Total control. You all right? Hmm? I tell you what, maybe sometime you can pop by our wrestling class, and we'll show a couple pros how it's done. What do you think? I'll go easy on you.
I'm on duty.
Murney You're on duty. Oh, that's right. That's right, you're a babysitter. So it's kind of like "doo-doo duty". Don't worry about it. We'll do it on a day when you're not washing your hair, hmm? And I'll see you in class. At ease.
That guy don't have his head on right.
I was fine. I don't need your help.
Okay, so she wrecked the Driver's Ed car. The insurance will pay for it.
Murney They were parallel parking when the instructor jumped from the car. But it's not about her. It's about the boy.
Has he been skipping class again?
Skipping class? He always skips sixth period, but...
Murney All right, Seth! Okay, take off the hat.
Go ahead.
Murney Look at that. That's how he showed up for practice today. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker and I found this, okay? [holds up a Nazi armband, part of Seth's "Young Rolf" costume] Now if it was a girlie magazine or a hamster, fine. Boys will be boys. But this is sick.
All right, he dyed his hair. He's not a Nazi.
This is not normal. We're very concerned. [bell rings] All right, kids, why don't you get back to class? Mr. Murney, would you give me a minute? Look, I'm sure this is about their father. We've tried to get Seth and Zoe to talk to the school psychologist, but they won't. Maybe you can get through to them and see what's going on?
I'll talk to them and see what I can do.
Thanks.
Murney I don't think you understand. Don't you ever do that again. Is that clear? Okay, I've had it. I caught the kid dancing on the bleachers to no music. I want him out of my class. Somebody's gotta give this punk a talking to.
Seth?
Murney Well, you got something to say, twinkle toes?
Yeah. Yeah, I do, Murney. I quit.
Murney You quit. You know why you quit? Because you're a quitter. And everybody knows that quitters quit. What are you scared of, huh, Prancer?
I'm not scared. I want to act.
Murney And I want to take up origami.
I'm in The Sound of Music.
Murney Oh, a musical. So you're giving up wrestling to be in a musical. You see, that's what happens when there isn't a man in the house.
There is a man in the house. It's me.
Murney Well, it's gotta be a tiny house. You think you're tough, boy, don't you? Wanna shave the tiger? Do you? Huh? You want it tough?
Where did you wanna do this?
Murney What are you talking about, babysitter?
You said you wanted to wrestle. Where? When?
Murney After school.
Okay. Today?
Murney That's right, the gym, okay? Remember, you mess with the bull, you get the horns. [snorts] Out of my way!
How did that feel?
It was good.
