The Pacifier (2005) · 25 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Pacifier (2005): in 18 of its 25 quotes
Most scenes with: Seth Plummer (5), Murney (5), Claire Fletcher (4)
Shane Wolfe Atten-hut! Here's our man. Professor Howard Plummer. He's been kidnapped by a group of Serbian rebels. Yeah, I know we've been up for 72 hours, but I expect perfection. Nothing else. They enemy has a boat, 4 jet skis and a chopper.
Yo, fool, handle me like that again and I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head.
Okay! Enough is enough! Come on, Scott. Let's go. Come on.
Shane Wolfe No, you don't. Get back here. Give me 20. [Scott pulls out his wallet to give Shane $20] I meant push-ups!
Zoe?
Shane Wolfe Drop down! Do 20! [Scott does push-ups]
What are you doing?
Shane Wolfe You're burning daylight! Move!
It's Sunday. And it's 6:00 am! You're insane!
Shane Wolfe Remain calm
I am calm. I quit! That makes me calm.
Shane Wolfe Let's not be hasty about this.
Shane Wolfe Just hang... Let's calm down. Just... just try to relax. (Helga screams as she runs and tackles him, but with Shane spinning her around and letting her go.) Ah! Ah! She bit me! (Helga running to the taxi while Shane running after her.) Red Leader! I command you to come back here! That's a direct order! You can't leave a man behind! (Taxi then drove Helga away from him) Red leader! Red leader!
Do you know kung-fu?
Shane Wolfe Yes.
Have you ever punch a guy so hard his head came off?
Shane Wolfe No.
Why are your boobs so big?
Shane Wolfe They are not... boobs.
Do you have to wear a bra? Will mine be as big as yours one day?
Shane Wolfe You know what, little girl? I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.
Do I look like I'm five to you?
Shane Wolfe What did I say?
Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.
Shane Wolfe ...No, ma'am.
Hmm. Too bad. It could have come in handy.
Shane! You can't do this! Yon can't leave a man behind!
Hold on, I got it.
Shane!
Where's Mom?
Shane Wolfe' Mom? I'll find her. You guys run and get help! [kids running in the Julie's car.] Hurry!
Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
Shane Wolfe Yes, Lulu. Go, get help.
Any last words, Shane?
Shane Wolfe Say good night, Peter Panda.
Shane, are you okay? [Julie punches Mrs. Chun the face] She was never a good neighbor.
Shane Wolfe Gary, now!
Couldn't let you have all the fun.
Looks like you have a hit on your hands.
Shane Wolfe You think so?
Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. [She and Shane chuckle] It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling.
Shane Wolfe It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.
[He and Claire share a kiss]
Shane Wolfe Got them here. My fault.
Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer. I guess Mrs. Plummer thought so too, huh? Wow, you got a real upper torso going on, huh? You ever do any time?
You got something to say, boy?
No.
No? Good. Wow, it looks like you have a pair of legs coming out of your shoulders. You hit the gym a lot, do you?
Shane Wolfe Eh.
All right, you know what, Creeper? You just bought yourself an extra 15 minutes on the mats with the Murninator!
Shane Wolfe Excuse me. Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm watching the kids for the Plummers, a few days.
Oh, babysitter, huh? Well, good, whatever job you can get, right? I'm Murney, Dwayne Murney. My friends call me "Little Puppet". I'm the VP here. I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy from top to bottom, K through 12. You're in my house now, strong man.
Shane Wolfe You're the vice principal.
And the wrestling coach. See the Creeper over there? He has played hooky from every wrestling practice this month. And her, she has missed 22 Driver's Ed classes out of 23! These are the worst students in my school. I'm ashamed of...
Your school? Good morning, kids. [clears throat] Mr. Murney, thank you so much for watching my chair for me. I'll take it from here.
Roger that. Absolutely. I was just informing our new friend here about some of the duties as vice principal.
Yes, and speaking of which, how's it going with the investigation into the baloney slices on the cafeteria ceiling?
Oh, that's been taking some interesting turns.
You just keep up the good work.
Right then. I'll be on the roof.
Bye, now. All right, kids, I think it's time to get back to class. I'll cut you some slack seeing as it's Lieutenant Wolfe's first day. Thank you.
Hey!
Shane Wolfe Enough.
All right, you heard the lady. Let's break it up, guys. Come on. Hmm? Relax, Popeye. Boys will be boys, huh? Anyway, it's kinda good for the creeper. Gives him a chance to punk up. Learn to defend himself.
Shane Wolfe Six against one?
Well, you know, the odds are never pretty, but look at it, as like, a preparation for him. You know, the naked streets of Bethesda can be so dark and dangerous, right, creeper? [Seth angrily tries to attack Murney, but Shane restrains him]
Shane Wolfe Ooh, whoa.
You're pretty quick there, frogman. I, myself, happen to be a blackbelt. That's why they wanted me to coach the wrestling team. Ooh-aah! Sensei. You know what that's called, homeboy? Total control. You all right? Hmm? I tell you what, maybe sometime you can pop by our wrestling class, and we'll show a couple pros how it's done. What do you think? I'll go easy on you.
Shane Wolfe I'm on duty.
You're on duty. Oh, that's right. That's right, you're a babysitter. So it's kind of like "doo-doo duty". Don't worry about it. We'll do it on a day when you're not washing your hair, hmm? And I'll see you in class. At ease.
Shane Wolfe That guy don't have his head on right.
I was fine. I don't need your help.
Shane Wolfe Okay, so she wrecked the Driver's Ed car. The insurance will pay for it.
They were parallel parking when the instructor jumped from the car. But it's not about her. It's about the boy.
Shane Wolfe Has he been skipping class again?
Skipping class? He always skips sixth period, but...
All right, Seth! Okay, take off the hat.
Shane Wolfe Go ahead.
Look at that. That's how he showed up for practice today. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker and I found this, okay? [holds up a Nazi armband, part of Seth's "Young Rolf" costume] Now if it was a girlie magazine or a hamster, fine. Boys will be boys. But this is sick.
Shane Wolfe All right, he dyed his hair. He's not a Nazi.
This is not normal. We're very concerned. [bell rings] All right, kids, why don't you get back to class? Mr. Murney, would you give me a minute? Look, I'm sure this is about their father. We've tried to get Seth and Zoe to talk to the school psychologist, but they won't. Maybe you can get through to them and see what's going on?
Shane Wolfe I'll talk to them and see what I can do.
Thanks.
Come on, Seth. You've been in there for an hour. Thanks a lot, Lieutenant Loser. Now I'm gonna be the school joke. I don't even know what I'm gonna say to my friends.
Shane Wolfe You call those people your friends? They have no respect for you. They have no respect for your home. You have no respect for yourself.
I do, too, respect myself.
Shane Wolfe Company downstairs. And that means you too.
You're not my dad. In case you haven't noticed, this family is going through a really hard time, and you're just making everything a lot worse. You have no feelings. We hate you, and you hate us. So why don't you just leave us alone?
Shane Wolfe Don't worry. When your mom comes back, I'm gone. [crash] Now what?
Scott.
Shane Wolfe No, ma'am.
Hmm. Too bad. It could have come in handy.
Shane Wolfe Where's the baby? [Lulu points to the kitchen] Is there anyone here who understands the meaning of the word "discipline"?
Hey, Flipper, you don't like it? Do something. I make bottle. [Peter throws some cereal onto Helga and Tyler cries] Thank you, Peter.
I don't think you understand. Don't you ever do that again. Is that clear? Okay, I've had it. I caught the kid dancing on the bleachers to no music. I want him out of my class. Somebody's gotta give this punk a talking to.
Shane Wolfe Seth?
Well, you got something to say, twinkle toes?
Yeah. Yeah, I do, Murney. I quit.
You quit. You know why you quit? Because you're a quitter. And everybody knows that quitters quit. What are you scared of, huh, Prancer?
I'm not scared. I want to act.
And I want to take up origami.
I'm in The Sound of Music.
Oh, a musical. So you're giving up wrestling to be in a musical. You see, that's what happens when there isn't a man in the house.
There is a man in the house. It's me.
Well, it's gotta be a tiny house. You think you're tough, boy, don't you? Wanna shave the tiger? Do you? Huh? You want it tough?
Shane Wolfe Where did you wanna do this?
What are you talking about, babysitter?
Shane Wolfe You said you wanted to wrestle. Where? When?
After school.
Shane Wolfe Okay. Today?
That's right, the gym, okay? Remember, you mess with the bull, you get the horns. [snorts] Out of my way!
Shane Wolfe How did that feel?
It was good.
I knew Howard; you haven't a chance!
Shane Wolfe "When you're low… lower than the floor… and you think you haven't got a chance… don't make a move 'til you're in the groove: do the Peter Panda Dance!".
