Can I be the car?!
I wanna be the car!
Spike No, I'm the car! You be the shoe!
The shoe's lame.
Why not be that snazzy lookin' iron there?"
Hey! It's not important! Besides, I'm the car! I'm always the car!
Played by Shane Baumel 
Over the Hedge (2006) · 82 quotes
Over the Hedge (2006) · 82 quotes
10th most-quoted character in Over the Hedge (2006): in 9 of its 82 quotes
Most scenes with: Lou and Penny (9), RJ (8), Hammy (8)
Scenes with Spike
9 scenes Spike Spike We will turn this van around, mister!
Hello?
Lou
I don't care who started it.
Penny
[Verne waved the branch, getting everyone's attention]
Oh, look, food.
Well, I think you know what this means.
Just a minute, Hammy. [passing one grab to each of them] This means we were nine berries away from starvation. Sorry. That was a little intense. I meant really serious hunger pains.
Verne!
Not finished, Hammy. Morning, Lou, Penny.
Penny
Thanks.
Hey, kids. So, what I want to tell you is...
Verne!
I'm not done, Hammy. If you have to go again, just go. OK. So all I'm saying is we cut it a little close. So this year, we need to make sure that we fill the log...
Ozzie
All the way to the top.
Exactly. [meanwhile, RJ is walking by the bushes, seeing them for the first time] All the way to the top. Because what are we?
All
Foragers!
And what do we forage?
All
Food!
Right.
Lou
Super, Verne, really super.
OK, Hammy. What is it?
What is what?
What is it you want to tell me?
What was it, what was it, what was it, what was it? Wait. Right on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yeah! There's a weird thing over there. I've never seen before. It's really scary. Follow me.
OK. Meeting called on account of weird scary thing. Let's go. [unknown to the family, RJ was watching them behind bushes]
Hmm. Foragers...
Hammy, what weird thing? [seeing what Hammy is pointing at] Oh. That weird thing.
[They look over to the left and right of the massive hedge, Hammy speeds way to the side of the hedge]
It never ends!
It never ends that way too.
Penny
Jeepers, Lou.
Lou
Whoa. Yeah, jeepers is the word there, hon.
Ozzie
I've never seen anything like this.
Man, that's big.
Heather
What is this thing?
Ozzie
Heather, no!
I'm scared.
Spike Me too, Mama.
Penny
It's OK, it's just a... What is this thing, Lou?
Lou
I... Well, it's a... It's... Verne?
Well, it's... it's obviously....some kind of bush?
Penny
I'd be less afraid of it if I just knew what it was called.
Let's call it Steve!
Steve?
It's a pretty name.
Heather
Steve sounds nice.
Penny
I'm a lot less scared of Steve.
Ozzie
Oh, great and powerful Steve! What do you want?
I don't think it can speak.
Woman's voice: I heard that, young man!
[It made the animals yelp and Ozzie passes out] Woman's voice: You get over here right now!
OK.
But Steve is angry!
It probably came from the other side of Steve. I mean the bush. I mean... Jeez! [letting out a sign] Look, there's only one way we're gonna find out what this thing is, and what this is all about. I'm gonna go check it out. [Verne takes a few slow steps, ] Ah!
Ah!
Aye aye yay. [until he tripped and fell into the hedge, frightening the animals]
Ozzie
Steve ate Verne!
All right, Steve, you brought this on yourself.
Stella, don't! I'm not eaten, I just tripped. I'm gonna go over there. Just don't anybody move.
[Verne made his way through the hedge and found himself in a backyard of a house]
Kids, come on, hurry up! You'll be late!
What is this place?
[looking around, rj sees homes houses neighborhood. He sees a dragonfly flying by]
All
[All the animals are amazed by the scenery]
Wow! Look at that!
Hey, Mom, look at us! Look at us!
Lou
Oh, my! Hon, look at this.
Penny
[The porcupine kids admire a glass ball, Heather looks at a sprinkler and Penny admires a cactus]
Jeepers.
How's that tail, Verne?
Listen, if anybody in this family gets hurt, I'm holding you personally responsible.
They're having a good time. I'll take responsibility for that.
All
This is neat. Look at that. Hey, Spike, look at that.
Lou
Hey, Verno, I took a few clippings out of my quills to do a little comparison. Look at this, the grass seems to be greener over here.
Ozzie
Verne, are you certain you came to the same place?
Yeah, 'cause the raccoon says...
OK, enough about him. I get it. So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean, it's not like he can walk on water.
Spike [They follow RJ down the road.]
That thing's huge!
What is that?
That is an SUV. Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.
Penny
Jeepers, it's so big!
Lou
How many humans fit in there?
Usually? One.
[A door opens up, making everyone hide. It was the same woman from before.]
Hi, this is Gladys Sharp. Your president? Of the homeowner's association? Right.
Penny
Jeepers.
What is that?
Easy, easy, don't worry. That's just a human being. And they are just as scared of us as we are of them. Now, if a human does happen to see you, just lay down, roll over and give your privates a good licking. They love it.
The homeowner's charter, which you signed, says the grass is supposed to be two inches, and according to my measuring stick, yours is 2.5.
Could we just get the food and go? Really, do they have it or not?
Didn't you see it? It was in the box. They've always got food with them. We eat to live, these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about.
[A montage begins of various humans doing various food related things]
The human mouth is called a "pie hole." The human being is called a "couch potato.” [A phone] That is a device to summon food. [A doorbell] That is one of the many voices of food. [The door] That is the portal for the passing of the food. [A moped] That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. [food trucks] Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive the food, they wear the food! That gets the food hot. That keeps the food cold. That... I'm not sure what that is. What do you know? Food! That is the altar where they worship food. That's what they eat when they eat too much food. That gets rid of guilt so they can eat more food. Food, food, food, food! FOOOOOD!!! So, you think they have enough? Well, they don't. For humans, enough is NEVER enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans, just for us.
Penny
[He dumps the trash down.]
Sweet jeepers.
Heather
[Everyone started to rummage through the trash.]
Wow.
Penny
Share there, everyone, share.
Uh, that's a baby diaper. And that does come out of a wazoo. So, what do you think? Was I right or was I right? And these things are just the scraps! Wait'll you see what comes in the boxes, packages and cans! I'm telling you, stick with me, and in one week we will gather enough food to... To feed a bear!
[They heard a sound of a door opening. Through the pet door is a cat. A cat named Tiger]
Halt! Intruders! Intruders! Get out, all of you.
Lou
Well, you said to lick our...
No! Nix that! RUN!
Penny
[They run for their lives as Gladys swings her broom.]
Run!
Get outta here! Shoo!
To the hedge!
Get out of here! I just mopped this patio! Filthy vermin!
Penny
[They made it out of the backyard and back to the forest.]
Verne's right, that was horrible.
Lou
You kids okay? Hon, you alright there?
Heather
We'll find other food, right?
See what I mean? That's what I was talking about! These humans don't want us around!
So we scared her, and she overreacted. No biggie.
No biggie? OH! That is what we call a biggie.
Come on, think about the food. It was worth it for that food, huh? That stuff is to die for! [Ozzie faints] Let me rephrase that.
No, "to die for." You nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life looks primitive to a guy with a bag.
What?
But I think I speak for the whole family when I say we want NOTHING to do with ANYTHING THAT’S OVER THAT HEDGE!
Oh, come on!
I'm done.
You haven't even tried doughnuts yet! You wanna store fat? That is the way to store some fat. You'll be sweatin' through the winter! -
Heather
We'll eat the bark, right?
OK, all right, you guys sleep on it! Good idea. I'm gonna check back with you. Shoot! Almost had 'em.
Heather
Good night.
Good night, Ozzie.
Ozzie
Good night.
Good night, Lou.
Lou
Good night there Verne.
Night, Penny.
Penny
Good night.
Good night, Hammy.
Good night Verne.
Night, Bucky.
Good night.
Good night, Spike.
Spike Good night, Uncle Verne.
Good night, Quillo.
Night, Uncle Verne.
When we wake up, only 273 days left till winter.
That's enough, Verne.
Good night, 273.
Spuddies... Cooler... Wagon... Redder wagon.
Time's up, RJ.
But I have six more days!
That's what I call a super-duper performance there.
I wanna do it again!
Beyond super. They were riveted, man. You were awesome!
Heather
Dad. I just gotta say, that was... that was pretty good.
Props for the Ozman!
All
Ozman!
Ozzie
But let's not forget our brilliant leadership: RJ.
RJ!
Heather
Hey, RJ, come this way. We wanna show you something.
Yeah, sure.
Sweet.
What a team!
That raccoon knows what he's doing.
You're my hero there, fella.
Heather
Over here, this way.
Spike RJ, come on!
Yeah, we wanna show you something. Come on, hurry!
[The animals, except Verne, shows RJ a surprise; his new home]
Check it out. [RJ looks around at some random objects of his new home] Your new home!
That's for me?
Yeah, is this anything like what you had, RJ?
This isn't anything like what I had, Lou.
Thanks. [to Heather, who sits on RJ's bag] Oh. [clears his throat] Is that my bag?
Heather
Yeah, we brought it in here so you wouldn't have to sleep in that old tree.
Really? Wow.
Hey, RJ, check this out! We totally hooked up the TV.
I hot-wired the HD converter.
Spike We get like 1,000 channels!
Heather
Here, can you take the remote before my dad does?
Wow. A universal remote? This is nice, guys. Really nice. [turns on the TV]
TV Announcer
And now, we return to "A Scoundrel Among Us".
You should be ashamed of yourself! We let you into our family, and you deceived us! [RJ changes the channel]
Man
I gave you my heart, and then you ripped it into a million pieces! [RJ changes the channel again]
Dr. Dennis
Get real, Kevin. Because when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag, right? So just say it out loud: "I am a dirtbag."
"Dirtbag"? I don't think that guy's a real doctor. What've you think there, RJ? [notices RJ has gone] RJ?
[They realized that RJ has ran off.]
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, RJ. What are you doing, man? You are getting in way too deep. Just get the food. Feed the bear. Get the food. Feed the bear. WAAH! Where's the food? Where's the food?! WHERE'S THE FOOD?!
Spike Good night, Uncle RJ.
Good night, kiddo.
Moon's full, RJ. See ya in the morning.
[RJ sighs and looked at the children before he pulled out his list. He hears something coming from the backyard.]
This'll cut you down to size!
Is it done?
Affirmative.
And did you put this one in? [after installed a lot of traps] What about this one, this Depelter Turbo?
That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, [with his hand over his heart] except Texas.
I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.
I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you. [as he tosses a stuffed teddy bear in it] Adios, animal infestation.
Oh my. [chuckles, laughing] [RJ sits on the root, looks up at the full moon, pulls out the list, and sadly crumpled it up]
I shouldn't have taken all that food.
What?
I shouldn't have taken all that food. I was just trying to return things to the way they were. That's all. I was just being cautious, 'cause that's what I am. I'm naturally tentative. There's even places in my shell I haven't been. You, on the other hand. You're, like, cool and crazy and fearless. [sits down next to RJ] I think they're right. I think I'm just jealous.
[sighs]
Verne, believe me. You should not be jealous of me. You...You got a good thing here. You're just trying to do what's best for your family.
And I think you're what's best for them now.
What about your tail?
Eh...My head says "listen to my tail," and my tail says "just listen to my head," and I just...end up with an upset stomach. That's why you need to be in charge now.
You don't really know what's going on here.
And you do! So...what's the problem?
[hands Verne his crumpled-up list]
This, Verne, is the problem. You see this? [hears the sound of a vehicle backing up]
I'm listening.
Just...
Uh-huh?
Just hang on a 2nd.
Alright.
Delivery Man
[RJ climbs up a tree to see Gladys having food delivered to her house]
Hey, uh, you the lady throwing the party?
Yes. Just to the right. There are protected booties to put on over your shoes.
What? Oh. That...
Mmm-hmm?
...is a...list...
Of?
...of all the stuff that you've lost, Verne.
Really?
Well, it's a big, long list. You can see that.
Well, you're an organized little guy, aren't ya? Nice job.
But, you know what? I know place that's so chockful of food, [takes the list from Verne] we can get it all back in one night.
Great. Let's go. Where is it?
Inside that house.
Verne! [tries to catch Verne, but only grabs his shell; examines it] What is the point of this thing?
[Scene switches to RJ talking to the other animals about Verne]
What Verne's trying to say is...I mean, it's hard to really sum it all in just one word...
Aww, come here!
[The animals all huddle up for a big group hug]
That's right. OK! Listen, stay in the huddle. Here's the plan. Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Here, here, here, here. Big one here, here, - and maybe a few over here.
Gee, is that all?
No. There's a bunch of red lights all over here. OK, Verne? Looking a little green.
I blacked out for a second there, but I get the idea. There's lights, traps... I might need to change my shell.
Can I be the car?
I wanna be the car!
Spike I'm the car! You be the shoe.
Shoe is lame.
Lou
Why don't you be that snazzy lookin' iron there?
Hey, it's not important! Besides, I'm the car! I'm always the car. The plan works in three simple steps. Step one, kill the lights. Step two, get inside. Step three, get out with mountain of food.
Ozzie
But this place is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
The collar is the key. Literally, the collar. It's like a key that opens the door and if...
And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?
Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
Her?
Me?
You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
My stink.
...your feminine charms.
Was that out loud?
Look, raccoon, maybe that mask you're wearing is obstructing your view, but if you haven't noticed, I'm a skunk.
On the outside, maybe. But I'm looking inside, Stella, and I see a fox. And all we gotta do is get her out.
Scissors?
Lou
Here we go.
Hey! Watch the...
Penny
Charcoal.
Charcoal?
Air freshener.
Ozzie
Tomato juice.
Cork.
Cork? Don't you dare.
Porcupine Kids
Get 'em! Score! Yeah!
One more thing.
Ow!
Whoa. Stop. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, our work here is done.
Lou
Oh, my.
Penny
Big jeepers.
Heather
She's all like, wow.
What?
[Stella looked and saw that she was all black and she can see since her long bangs were cut off.]
Oh. Meow.
Whoa! Amazing!
Heather
Gosh, she looks... Wow.
All right, gang, this is it. We're going in.
Whoa!
Heather
This place is huge.
Spike Wicked cool.
Animals are in the house.
All
Wow!
Lou
Oh, my goodness.
Heather
This is so cool.
Yes! OK, stations, everybody.
Ozzie
Let's boogie!
Heather
We got it.
Here we go.
No grip, no grip, no grip.
Hammy! Less claw, more pad.
Oh, OK. That hurt.
What was that?
It....That's just for the sound of my heart. Can't you hear it? [She imitates the deep note while Spike kept on being blown away]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Spike This way, that way! [he and Bucky switches for the channel to Gladys sleeping. Quillo falls over for the THX logo]
Okay, okay, we're good! Go back to work!
Penny
There you go. [Ozzie throws a can to Penny, who throws it to Spike, who throws it to Heather]
Heather
[to Verne]
Here, catch! [Verne catches for the can then throws it to Lou. Lou rolls for the can down a transparent paper roll and then Hammy grabs can by can and puts it into the wagon. Penny jumps off a cupboard with marshmallows stuck on her quills and grabs a cookie box]
Lou
[tries to hold a plate of strawberry gelatin]
Oh, boy. [drops the plate, gasps, Heather catches the plate of gelatin. Hammy still catches the food slide down the transparent sheet]
Yes! We're gonna make it.
[while Hammy catches the food and puts it in the wagon behind him]
My father.... he had an exceptionally flat face. It was so beautiful, he could barely breathe!
Fascinating! [The mountain of food for the wagon grows until morning]
...Inside, I have a multi-leveled climby thing with a shag carpet. Come, I'll show you!
NO, no! I-I-I haven't told you about my life.
Good, good! Going great, going great! [a coffee machine beeps]
That is what gets the humans out of bed for the morning. [he and Verne turn to the TV showing Gladys' bed, where she has vanished, and scream in horror]
Where'd she go?!
[seeing Gladys coming down the stairs]
Get down and stay down! [Bucky, Quillo, and Spike hide under a magazine, while the rest of the animals run behind the counter. Gladys yawns] Move, move! [Gladys pours coffee into a cup. The animals, including RJ, scootch up to look closer. Gladys opens a cabinet and pulls out a box.... with a can of Spuddies behind] C'mon, we've gotta go before she comes back.
What?
Lou, Penny? Back to the TV! Heather, keep an eye on that human!
Heather
I'm on it, RJ. [runs for the staircase]
Ozzie
No, Heather, wait! [runs after her]
[begins to feel his tail tingle again; to himself]
The tingle, the tingle. [to RJ] RJ, the wagon's full! Let's get out of here!
Hang on, Vincent! This will only take a second!
'Vincent'?
Who's Vincent?
Oh. Verne, Vincent, simple slip of the bear...TONGUE! Uh, erm.... Just bear with me is what I.... meant to say. There's no bear!
[RJ climbs the bottle rack to go for the Spuddies. Meanwhile, Heather is trying to distract Gladys by copying Ozzie]
Hmm? Oh!
Heather
Lights fading, limbs growing co.... [Gladys pathetically she kicks Heather down the stairs while Ozzie watches in horror]
Ozzie
Heather? [As Gladys walks down the stairs, she realizes that she made herself sick by killing Heather. She runs back upstairs into her room. Ozzie runs towards what seems to be Heather's lifeless body] Oh, Heather.
[Meanwhile, she's talking to the Verminator on the phone]
There's a dead white rat on my staircase! [Heather's eyes suddenly open. It turned out she was playing dead]
Ozzie
I thought you were dead.
Heather
I learned for the best, Dad.
Ozzie
[proudly]
That's my girl.
[cut to the kitchen in struggles to retrieve Gladys' Spuddies from the cabinet]
Oh, come...to Papa.
Ozzie
[returns to the animals with Heather]
We better hurry. We don't have much time.
Nothing.
Well then, let's get out of here, because we have what we need.
No, we don't.
What are you talking about? [pulls on RJ's tail] We have more than enough!
[snaps]
Hey! Listen, I've got about this long to hand over that wagon load of food to a homicidal bear! [for the other animals gasp at RJ's confession] And if these Spuddies aren't on the menu, then I will be! Now, let go of my tail!
[Pauses; growls, angrily kicks Verne's arm off]
Let GO! [As RJ grabs the Spuddies, Verne and RJ fall down which makes the bottles and pans crash, letting Stella, Tiger and Gladys hear the noise]
Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go! [leaves]
Stella?! Stella, where are you going?! STELLAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! [Gladys runs into the kitchen and screams that the animals are inside as RJ and Verne screams and runs away as Stella returns to the kitchen as he follows her] Stella!
Look, it's not you! It won't work, okay? Because I'm a... [Gladys sees her]
Yeah, that. [Gladys screams and runs] Sorry you have to see this. FIRE IN THE HOLE! [Stella sprays an entire house. The Stink explodes like a bomb, and a cork flies out. At the same time, the Verminator van arrives. Gladys coughs]
No. This face was bred for beauty. I can't smell a thing.
You can't smell...
[RJ turns and looks at Verne then runs out through the cat door.]
To the door! Go, go, go, go, go, go! [Gladys blocks the door without noticing the animals.] Run! [Suddenly, Dwayne kicks down the other door while wearing a gas mask. The animals (except RJ who is not here) are shocked.]
Let's party! [The animals run away.] BUNNIES!!! [Dwayne accidentally traps Gladys's bunny slippers in a net.]
Aah! [falls over]
Flee, my love! [Dwayne shoots at Stella, but Tiger pushes her out of the way, getting caught in the net.]
[to Stella]
RUN! [to the rest] That way, outside! [As Verne, Hammy, Stella, Ozzie, Heather, Penny, Lou, Bucky, Quillo and Spike try to escape the house by going through the glass door they forgot it was shut and the slam into and slide down it. Dwayne finally has the animals where he has them.]
[to Verne]
Buenos dias... reptile. [Dwayne finally catches the animals in with his net gun, then black background.]
[Vincent lunges at the truck, the force causing Dwayne's foot to fall against the gas pedal.]
We're out of control!
We can drive.
Spike It's just like Auto-Homicide 3!
What?
Verne, let me in! Wrong button! Wrong button!
GPS
Please select destination.
Take us home! Take us to the log!
GPS
Previous destination selected. Make a legal U-turn.
We got it!
Hammy! Let me in!
Not listening to RJ.
Kids, lose that bear!
What weapons do we have?
Spike We've got a hammer.
Cool.
You little...
Thank you! Yes, Yes! [The animals end up throwing him out] Hey! Let me in, let me in!
No! Ring-tailed charlatan! [rolls up the window]
Ozzie!
He's just trying to help us. Just let him in!
After what he did to us?
But he came back. [Vincent's roar is heard]
Lou
And he brought a bear!
Spike [while driving the van, the others are arguing]
Hey! No fighting while we're driving.
We will turn this van around, mister. [The animals were shocked and stunned]
Lou
[points at Verne]
He started it.
I'm telling you. He's just trying to help us, really.
But, Verne, you're the one who always says trust your tail.
But it's not tingling.
All
Ohhh!
Why didn't you say so?
Hey! Thank you, thank you.
You're dead, RJ!
Duck!
And your friends are next.
Penny
Look out!
GPS
Make an immediate left turn.
Spike Bonus points!
All
Yeah!
RJ!
Yeah!
Look out.
High score.
No, no, no, no!
GPS
[Glady screams truck horn. Hammy waving hand hello.]
You have arrived.
Everybody all right?
Come on!
We've gotta go, we've gotta go!
The old jazz dance injury.
[During the credits, When "Rocking the Suburbs" plays in the background]
That, my friends, is the object of all human attention and devotion, and they call it...a TV.
Wicked cool!
You see, humans feel an inner need to connect with the world around them.
Lou
That is just super-duper.
They also feel a need to sit on their fat butts, watching TV fulfills both needs at the same time.
Wow. Interesting.
Penny
Come on, kids! Family time there, in front of the TV! Got your snack food?
Buy a vowel! BUY A VOWEL! Buy a "Y", Please buy a "Y"!
Ozzie
I can't find the remote.
Lou
Hey, Spikey! Race ya!
Ozzie
Has anybody seen the remote?
Heather
Dad, chill.
I could do a little TV. I think today's the day we find out if the baby is gifted or if Saxon is really an alien.
Just Like Khan in Star Trek 2! The Genesis Project was in the hands of the Enterprise, but Khan had his plan to steal the invention and redo all the life!
Well, that was specific.
I saw it on TNT, a retrospective.
Heather
Gummy Worm, anybody?
Let me have one.
Bucky, pass this to Lou.
Lou
Taste this.
Spike Don't you take that.
This is the perfect food.
Fat-free cookies? You might as well just be eating dirt.
I've had dirt, I don't like dirt, it tastes like dirt!
Heather
Shh! The Show is starting!
[The last part of "Rocking the Suburbs" by Ben Folds continues on the credits]
Other characters in Over the Hedge
RJ
Bruce Willis
Hammy
Steve Carell
Verne
Garry Shandling
Lou and Penny
Ozzie and Heather
Stella
Wanda Sykes
Gladys Sharp
Allison Janney
Vincent
Nick Nolte
Dwayne LaFontant
Thomas Haden Church
Bucky
Sami Kirkpatrick
Quillo
Madison Davenport
Tiger
Omid Djalili
Animals
Nugent
Brian Stepanek
Skeeter
Paul Butcher
Woman
