Office Space (1999) · 91 quotes
9th most-quoted character in Office Space (1999): in 7 of its 91 quotes
Most scenes with: Bob Porter (6), Peter Gibbons (3), Bill Lumbergh (2)
What would ya say... ya do here?
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking... just a moment!
We'll be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.
Bob Slydell I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".
Somebody's got a case of the Mondays!
Bob Slydell You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Yeah.
Bob Slydell Great.
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Da-uh? Space out?
Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
Bob Slydell Would you bear with me for just a second here.
OK.
Bob Slydell What if - and believe me this is hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program. Would that do anything for you?
I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice talking to both you guys.
Bob Slydell Absolutely, the pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me.
Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.
Excellent.
Bob Slydell Great... Wow.
Bob Slydell Milton Waddams.
Who's he?
You know, squirrely looking guy, mumbles a lot.
Oh, yeah.
Bob Slydell Yeah, we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here.
I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him, but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck.
Bob Slydell So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch.
Great.
So um, Milton has been let go?
Bob Slydell Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.
You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael?
Bob Slydell Oh yeah, we're bring in some entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal.
Standard operating procedure.
Do they know this yet?
Bob Slydell No. No, of course not. We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
Bob Slydell I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now, we had a chance to meet this young man and, boy, that's just a straight-shooter with "upper management" written all over him.
Oooo... yeahhhh, ummm... I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately, and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person that we would want for upper management. He's also been having some problems with his TPS reports.
Bob Slydell Mmm-mmm.
It's that you haven't challenged him enough, to get him motivated.
Bob Slydell There it is.
Yeah, um, well, I'm just not sure about that right now.
Bob Slydell Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here: How much time would you say you spend each week dealing with these TPS reports?
