Office Space (1999) · 91 quotes
7th most-quoted character in Office Space (1999): in 9 of its 91 quotes
Most scenes with: Peter Gibbons (6), Bob Slydell (6), Bill Lumbergh (2)
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking... just a moment!
Bob Porter We'll be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.
I'll be honest with you, I love his music, I do, I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, it doesn't get any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman".
Somebody's got a case of the Mondays!
Bob Porter Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been *missing* it, Bob.
You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Yeah.
Great.
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter Da-uh? Space out?
Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob Porter Don't...don't care?
It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob Porter Eight?
Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
Would you bear with me for just a second here.
OK.
What if - and believe me this is hypothetical - but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program. Would that do anything for you?
I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. It's been really nice talking to both you guys.
Absolutely, the pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me.
Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really, really well.
Bob Porter Excellent.
Great... Wow.
Milton Waddams.
Who's he?
Bob Porter You know, squirrely looking guy, mumbles a lot.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here.
Bob Porter I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him, but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck.
So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch.
Great.
So um, Milton has been let go?
Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
Bob Porter We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.
You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael?
Oh yeah, we're bring in some entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal.
Bob Porter Standard operating procedure.
Do they know this yet?
No. No, of course not. We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
So you guys are gonna fire Mike and Samir, and you're gonna give *me* more money?
Bob Porter Uh-huh.
Wow.
I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now, we had a chance to meet this young man and, boy, that's just a straight-shooter with "upper management" written all over him.
Oooo... yeahhhh, ummm... I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately, and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person that we would want for upper management. He's also been having some problems with his TPS reports.
Bob Porter I'll handle this. [To Lumbergh] We feel that the problem isn't with Peter.
Mmm-mmm.
Bob Porter It's that you haven't challenged him enough, to get him motivated.
There it is.
Yeah, um, well, I'm just not sure about that right now.
Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here: How much time would you say you spend each week dealing with these TPS reports?
