My Cousin Vinny (1992) · 58 quotes
6th most-quoted character in My Cousin Vinny (1992): in 4 of its 58 quotes
Most scenes with: Vincent LaGuardia Gambini (4), Judge Haller (4), Lisa (2)
Vinny!
What?
C'mon! It's time to make your opening statement. C'mon, Vin!
Uh, everything that guy just said is bullshit. Thank you.
Jim Trotter Objection! Counsel's entire opening statement is argumentative.
Sustained. Counselor's entire opening statement, with the exception of "Thank you" will be striken from the record.
Jim Trotter Ms. Vito, what is your current profession?
I'm an out-of-work hairdresser.
Jim Trotter An out-of-work hairdresser. In what way does that qualify you as an expert in automobiles?
It doesn't. Thank you. [stands up]
Sit down Miss Vito.
Jim Trotter Now, Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me... what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?
That's a bullshit question.
Jim Trotter Does that mean you can't answer it?
It's a bullshit question, it's impossible to answer.
Jim Trotter Impossible because you don't know the answer!
Nobody could answer that question!
Jim Trotter Your Honor, I move to disqualify Ms. Vito as an expert witness!
Can you answer the question?
No, it's a trick question!
Why is it a trick question?
Watch this.
'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '63. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.
Jim Trotter Well... uh... she's acceptable, Your Honor.
Ms. Vito, it has been argued by me, the defense, that two sets of guys met up at the Sac-O-Suds, at the same time, driving identical metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles. Now, can you tell us by what you see in this picture, if the defense's case holds water?
Ms. Vito, please answer the question: does the defense's case hold water?
No! The defense is wrong!
Are you sure?
I'm positive.
How could you be so sure?
Because there is no way that these tire marks were made by a '64 Buick Skylark convertible. These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Jim Trotter Objection, Your Honor! Can we clarify to the court whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?
This is your opinion?
It's a fact!
I find it hard to believe that this kind of information could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture!
Would you like me to explain?
I would love to hear this!
So would I.
...
The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make these marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!
And why not? What is positraction?
It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
Is that it?
No, there's more! You see where the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?
They were!
Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very much.
You've been a lovely, lovely witness.
Is it possible the two defendants...[Gives Haller a glance] entered the store, picked 22 specific items off of the shelves, had the clerk take money, make change, then leave... Then two different men drive up in a similar - [sees Tipton is already shaking his head] Don't shake ya head. I'm not done yet. Wait till you hear the whole thing so you can understand this now... [continues] Two different men drive up in a similar looking car, go in, shoot the clerk, rob him, and then leave?
No. They didn't have enough time.
Well, how much time was they in the store?
Five minutes.
Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?
No.
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right. I'm sorry. So obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.
That's right.
So you knew that. Uh, do you remember what ya had?
Eggs and grits.
Eggs and grits. I like grits too. How do you like your grits? You like 'em regular, creamy or al dente?
Regular. Instant grits?
So, Mr. Tipton. How could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?
I dunno. I'm a fast cook, I guess.
I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you just say you're a fast cook, that’s it!? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit... faster in your kitchen... than on any place on the face of the Earth!?
Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove! Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans!?
Jim Trotter Objection, Your Honor.
Objection sustained. You can ignore the question, Mr. Tipton.
You sure about that five minutes?
I don't know.
Are you sure about that five minutes?
I don't know!
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT FIVE MINUTES!?!?
I got no more use for this guy.
You're fired. [gets up and points at Vinny] I want him!
