Emmet
Uh, is this Cloud Cuckoo Land? I don't see any clouds or cuckoos.
Vitruvius
No, no. This is Middle Zealand. A wondrous land full of knights, castles, muttons, torture weapons, poverty, leeches, illiteracy, and um...
Emmet
DRAGON! [the Batwing dives as a dragon swoops down]
Vitruvius
Yeah, that too. [Batman transforms the Batwing into the Batmobile, lands the car in a forest area and drives through the woods] Once we arrive in Cloud Cuckoo Land, we'll raise an army of Master Builders...
Batman
Yeah, yeah, anyway. You guys gotta check out these new subwoofers I installed in the back; I call them The Dogs. Listen to them bark! [Batman turns on his stereo, sending heavy metal blasting through the Batmobile, making Emmet and Vitruvius bounce in the back]
Emmet
Aaah! Can you turn that down a little bit?!
Batman
This is a song I wrote for Wyldstyle! [Wyldstyle smiles at Batman before singing with the song; we hear Batman's voice as he sings to the heavy metal music] Darkness! [to Emmet and Vitruvius] It's about how I'm an orphan! [the song continues] No parents!
Wyldstyle
This is real music, Emmet. Batman's a true artist. Dark, brooding.
Emmet
Well, I'm dark and brooding too! [Emmet gasps, suddenly he notices something ahead] Look, a rainbow! [as they reach the rainbow]
Vitruvius
So, you're gonna drive up the curved part, take it all the way to the top and park the car. [The Batmobile stops, Batman drives up the rainbow and stops the car at the very top] Friends, welcome to Cloud Cuckoo Land. [An angelic chord plays as the camera pans down to the group standing in front of a rather large cloud; the rainbow disappears.] Now, I just need to give the secret knock. [he turns and knocks once with his scepter on the cloud door, after a short pause the door bursts open and as they enter inside they hear music being played and everyone is happy and dancing around.]
Emmet
I'm not sure about this place and what I am supposed to do.
Unikitty
Hi! I am Princess Unikitty, and I welcome you all to Cloud Cuckoo Land!
Emmet
But there are no signs or anything! How can people know what not to do?
Unikitty
Here in Cloud Cuckoo Land, there are no rules! There's no government, no babysitters, no bedtimes, no frowny faces, no bushy mustaches, and no negativity of any kind.
Wyldstyle
You just said the word "no" like a million times.
Unikitty
And there's also no consistency.
Batman
I hate this place.
Unikitty
All ideas are the good ones, except the not-so-good ideas. Those that push down deep inside where you'll never, ever, ever, [angrily tone] EVER... [normal tone] find them! Your fellow Master Builders are gathered in the Dog!
Emmet
The what?
Meanwhile, at the dog...
Emmet
Is that Superman?
Bonjour.
Superman
Girl, what are you doing right now?
Green Lantern
Hey, Superman!
Superman
Oh, hey... Hey, what's up?
Green Lantern
Lantern. Green Lantern.
Superman
Yeah, yeah.
Green Lantern
Do you wanna sit together at the meeting?
Superman
Uh, I have to, I have to go back to Krypton. [Superman quickly flies off]
Green Lantern
Did didn't Krypton blow up?
Vitruvius
My fellow Master Builders, including, but not limited to Robin Hood, Mermaid Lady, Gandalf, Swamp Creature, 1980-something Space Guy...
Benny
Hello!
Vitruvius
...2002 NBA All-Stars and Wonder Woman. You have traveled far to be here for a moment of great import. We have learned that Lord Business plans to unleash a fully weaponized Kragle on Taco Tuesday, to end the world as we know it. [the Master Builders express their shock and outrage] Please, calm yourselves. Green Ninja, Milhouse, Nice Vampire, Michelangelo, Michelangelo and Cleopatra. There is yet one hope; the Special has arisen.
Gandalf
Have the young man step forward.
Vitruvius
As you wish, [says it incorrectly] Dubbledore.
Gandalf
I’m Gandalf.
It's pronounced Dumbledore.
Vitruvius
Dubbledore?
No, Dumbledore.
Vitruvius
I thought you said Dubbledore.
Gandalf
Vitruvius?!
Vitruvius
Ah, we gotta write all that down 'cause I'm not gonna remember any of it, but here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech. [to Emmet] Go ahead, man, you got this.
Emmet
Okay. [Emmet walks up to the platform and waves to everyone. He clears his throat] Hello, I'm Emmet. [referring to the Piece of Resistance] Oh, and this is the Piece of Resistance. [the Master Builders cheer. Wyldstyle watches in bewilderment] Thank you. Well, eeeeehhhh. I know that I, for one, am very excited to work with you guys, to get into the Octan Tower, find the Kragle and put this thing on the thing, and I know it's going to be really hard, but... [gets interrupted]
REALLY HARD?! [the audience gasps] Wiping ye bum with a hook for a hand is really hard; this be impossible! The last time we tried to storm Lord Business's office, we used every plan we could conceive. The result was a massacre too terrible to speak of.
Emmet
Who are you?
The name be Metalbeard, and I'll tell you me tale of woe.
Vitruvius
Oh, great. Here we go again. [Metalbeard recounts his failed attempt in trying to infiltrate Lord Business's office]
I arrived at the foot of the tower with me hearty Master Builder crew, only to find the Kragle was all the way up on the infinitieth floor, guarded by a robot army. And security measures of every kind imaginable: lasers, sharks, laser sharks, overbearing assistants, and strange, dangerous relics that entrap, snap, and zap. And there be a mysterious room called "The Think Tank". I barely made it out of that room with just me head... [Metalbeard hops out of the tower with his head and escapes on his ship as it purrs away] and organs! [Metalbeard's organs pop out of the Octan tower and land in his ship and it purrs away again]
Emmet
Okay.
I had to replace every part of my once strapping, virile pirate body with this useless hunk of garbage ye see before ye. So if ye think it'd be a good idea to return to that forsaken place, Special, what idea have ye that be better than the ideas of 100 of our fallen Master Builder brothers?
Emmet
Well, technically I'm not exactly a Master Builder yet.
WHAT?! [The other Master Builders shout in outrage]
Emmet
Please, everyone, everyone! Please.
Rubbish!
Emmet
Yes, it's true, I may not be a Master Builder. I may not have a lot of experience fighting or leading or coming up with plans, or having ideas in general. In fact, I'm not all that smart, and I'm not what you'd call a creative type; plus, generally unskilled, also scared and cowardly. I know what you're thinking: "He is the least qualified person in the world to lead us!" And you are right!
This is supposed to make us feel better?
Grrrg!
Emmet
What th-? No, there was about to be a but-
Gandalf
You're a butt!
Yes. [Outside Cloud Cuckoo Land, Metalbeard and a few knights and cowboys are leaving]
You all be on your own! I be leaved this lost cause! [Metalbeard jumps onto his ship and sails off Cuckoo Land, as it purrs]
Emmet
Why are you leaving?!
Abraham Lincoln
A house divided against itself would be better than this. [Lincoln jumps into his seat and it suddenly takes off like a spaceship]
Emmet
Abraham Lincoln, you bring your space chair right back here! Come on, guys! [nearly gets hit by a falling object] We can [a Master Builder throws cheese at him] still do [another Master Builder throws a DVD disc at him] this! [yet another Master Builder throws a blue disc at him] Oh! Right?
You're not even a bit special.
Batman
Well, you were right about him being a ding-dong. [the Master Builders continue to jeer and throw things at Emmet]
You're a huge disappointment!
Get him out of here, I don't wanna look at him!
Emmet
Well, at least it can't get any worse.
Special? Not! [A giant golf ball suddenly falls out of nowhere, destroying the Dog.]
Emmet
I was wrong. [Emmet yells and runs away as the falling ball falls onto the ground, crashes through the eye of the dog, and squishes an Island Warrior Master Builder]
Superman
It's the orb of Tee-te-list!
Bad Cop
Ruh-roh, it's the bad guys.
