Sheriff Hank Keough quotes from Lake Placid (1999)

View Quote Kelly Scott: The lake is so black and still.
Sheriff Hank Keough: Yeah, we wanted to call it Lake Placid, but someone said that name was taken.
Jack Wells: It's not a science trip.
Kelly Scott: Could you be a little more condescending? 'Cause I'm not real great with subtlety.
Jack Wells: Something in that lake killed somebody, all right? I appreciate your trying to help. I'm really glad that you... brought the RAID.
Kelly Scott: There, that's better.
Jack Wells: Ma'am...
Kelly Scott: Look, if you call me "ma'am" one more time I'll sue you, and with today's laws, it's possible.
Sheriff Hank Keough: She's good.

View Quote Kelly Scott: What kind of backup do we have?
Sheriff Hank Keough: We?
Kelly Scott: What?
Sheriff Hank Keough: Well, I'm a little unclear as to why the museum would send somebody here.
Kelly Scott: You got a thing against museums?
Sheriff Hank Keough: Naw, I got nothin' against museums.
Kelly Scott: Ever been in one?

View Quote Sheriff Hank Keough: Tents were sent ahead. Should already be set up by the time we get there.
Kelly Scott: Tents? We're staying in TENTS?
Sheriff Hank Keough: I told you, two days we'd have to camp.
Kelly Scott: Yes! Camp! But I thought that meant Ramada Inn. I never heard tents! Will there be toilets?
Jack Wells: Maybe we should just take you back.
Kelly Scott: Why? Because I prefer toilets? Maybe I should just wipe myself with some leafy little piece of poison oak. And then I can spend the whole day scratchin' my ass, blendin' in with the natives.

View Quote Kelly Scott: His scales were oval. He's an Asian Crocodile.
Sheriff Hank Keough: Why... why would he come here? I mean, it's impossible. Asia. How would he get here?
Hector Cyr: Obviously some asshole in Hong Kong flushed him down the toilet.

View Quote Sheriff Hank Keough: I... I... I never heard of a crocodile crossing an ocean.
Hector Cyr: Well, they conceal information like that in books.

View Quote Mrs. Bickerman: Oh, my husband passed away. It's been almost two years now.
Sheriff Hank Keough: My department doesn't have any record of that, Mrs. Bickerman.
Mrs. Bickerman: Well, I'm sorry. Incomplete records haunt me so.
Jack Wells: What was the cause of your husband's death, ma'am? Do you know?
Kelly Scott: We don't mean to invade your privacy, but was he ill, was he sick?
Sheriff Hank Keough: Was he swallowed?

View Quote Sheriff Hank Keough: [after seeing her lead a blindfolded cow to the crocodile] Ma'am, your husband Bernie, you didn't by any chance lead him to the lake blindfolded?
Mrs. Bickerman: If I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it!

View Quote Mrs. Bickerman: Murders and rapes in the city, people bomb planes, can the police stop 'em? No! But feed one little cow to a crocodile...
Sheriff Hank Keough: You're gonna stay right here until the police show. You're under full house arrest.
Mrs. Bickerman: Thank you, officer ****-meat!

View Quote Kelly Scott: [about Hector] He thinks they're godly.
Sheriff Hank Keough: What was that?
Kelly Scott: In his defense, every primitive culture known to man deified them: ancient China, Egypt, Australia, Asia... Going back in history, crocodiles have been more worshiped than Jesus.
Sheriff Hank Keough: Is this supposed to make us take him more seriously?
Kelly Scott: No, it's supposed to make you understand him.