Kelly Scott
He thinks they're godly.
Sheriff Hank Keough
What was that?
Kelly Scott
In his defense, every primitive culture known to man deified them: ancient China, Egypt, Australia, Asia... Going back in history, crocodiles have been more worshiped than Jesus.
Sheriff Hank Keough
Is this supposed to make us take him more seriously?
Kelly Scott
No, it's supposed to make you understand him.
Kelly Scott
Did you want to be killed by it?
Hector Cyr
You think I'm that nuts?
Kelly Scott
Hector, what you just did, there had to be some sort of death wish going on.
Hector Cyr
In ancient Malenesia people suspected of crime's would be thrown to the crocodiles. Crocodiles would decide. They would be the judge.
Kelly Scott
Oh, so that was you wanting to be judged out there?
Hector Cyr
Maybe I was, and so what? Is that too arbitrary? Better to be measured by my wealth? Better for me to get my self-esteem looking into the eyes of cheap sycophants craving a meal ticket? There was more honesty in those dragon's eyes. There was more dignity in those dragon's eyes...
Kelly Scott
Jesus, Hector cut the shit.
Hector Cyr
Aw, **** it.
Kelly Scott
Doesn't anyone "make a move" around here in Maine?
Jack Wells
Get in.
Kelly Scott
You move a bag and that's it? That's your "move"?
Jack Wells
Come on, I know a good bar where we can get some beers.
Kelly Scott
Are the glasses clean?
Jack Wells
Uhh... yeah. Are you gonna complain like this all night?
Kelly Scott
Start the car Jack.
Jack Wells
I miss the crocodile already.
Kelly Scott
His scales were oval. He's an Asian Crocodile.
Sheriff Hank Keough
Why... why would he come here? I mean, it's impossible. Asia. How would he get here?
Hector Cyr
Obviously some asshole in Hong Kong flushed him down the toilet.
Kelly Scott
The lake is so black and still.
Sheriff Hank Keough
Yeah, we wanted to call it Lake Placid, but someone said that name was taken.
Jack Wells
It's not a science trip.
Kelly Scott
Could you be a little more condescending? 'Cause I'm not real great with subtlety.
Jack Wells
Something in that lake killed somebody, all right? I appreciate your trying to help. I'm really glad that you... brought the RAID.
Kelly Scott
There, that's better.
Jack Wells
Ma'am...
Kelly Scott
Look, if you call me "ma'am" one more time I'll sue you, and with today's laws, it's possible.
Sheriff Hank Keough
She's good.
Kelly Scott
What kind of backup do we have?
Sheriff Hank Keough
We?
Kelly Scott
What?
Sheriff Hank Keough
Well, I'm a little unclear as to why the museum would send somebody here.
Kelly Scott
You got a thing against museums?
Sheriff Hank Keough
Naw, I got nothin' against museums.
Kelly Scott
Ever been in one?
Mrs. Bickerman
Murders and rapes in the city, people bomb planes, can the police stop 'em? No! But feed one little cow to a crocodile...
Sheriff Hank Keough
You're gonna stay right here until the police show. You're under full house arrest.
Mrs. Bickerman
Thank you, officer ****-meat!
Mrs. Bickerman
Oh, my husband passed away. It's been almost two years now.
Sheriff Hank Keough
My department doesn't have any record of that, Mrs. Bickerman.
Mrs. Bickerman
Well, I'm sorry. Incomplete records haunt me so.
Jack Wells
What was the cause of your husband's death, ma'am? Do you know?
Kelly Scott
We don't mean to invade your privacy, but was he ill, was he sick?
Sheriff Hank Keough
Was he swallowed?
Sheriff Hank Keough
Ma'am, your husband Bernie, you didn't by any chance lead him to the lake blindfolded?
Mrs. Bickerman
If I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it!
Sheriff Hank Keough
I... I... I never heard of a crocodile crossing an ocean.
Hector Cyr
Well, they conceal information like that in books.
Sheriff Hank Keough
Tents were sent ahead. Should already be set up by the time we get there.
Kelly Scott
Tents? We're staying in TENTS?
Sheriff Hank Keough
I told you, two days we'd have to camp.
Kelly Scott
Yes! Camp! But I thought that meant Ramada Inn. I never heard tents! Will there be toilets?
Jack Wells
Maybe we should just take you back.
Kelly Scott
Why? Because I prefer toilets? Maybe I should just wipe myself with some leafy little piece of poison oak. And then I can spend the whole day scratchin' my ass, blendin' in with the natives.
Kelly Scott
I will NOT calm down! This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head and I DON'T LIKE IT!
Mrs. Bickerman
I'm rooting for the crocodile. I hope he swallows your friends whole. You might want to arrest me for that too. Is that a crime? To wish the chewing of law enforcement?