Kelly Scott quotes from Lake Placid (1999)

Kelly Scott

The lake is so black and still.

Sheriff Hank Keough

Yeah, we wanted to call it Lake Placid, but someone said that name was taken.

Jack Wells

It's not a science trip.

Kelly Scott

Could you be a little more condescending? 'Cause I'm not real great with subtlety.

Jack Wells

Something in that lake killed somebody, all right? I appreciate your trying to help. I'm really glad that you... brought the RAID.

Kelly Scott

There, that's better.

Jack Wells

Ma'am...

Kelly Scott

Look, if you call me "ma'am" one more time I'll sue you, and with today's laws, it's possible.

Sheriff Hank Keough

She's good.

Kelly Scott

What kind of backup do we have?

Sheriff Hank Keough

We?

Kelly Scott

What?

Sheriff Hank Keough

Well, I'm a little unclear as to why the museum would send somebody here.

Kelly Scott

You got a thing against museums?

Sheriff Hank Keough

Naw, I got nothin' against museums.

Kelly Scott

Ever been in one?

Sheriff Hank Keough

Tents were sent ahead. Should already be set up by the time we get there.

Kelly Scott

Tents? We're staying in TENTS?

Sheriff Hank Keough

I told you, two days we'd have to camp.

Kelly Scott

Yes! Camp! But I thought that meant Ramada Inn. I never heard tents! Will there be toilets?

Jack Wells

Maybe we should just take you back.

Kelly Scott

Why? Because I prefer toilets? Maybe I should just wipe myself with some leafy little piece of poison oak. And then I can spend the whole day scratchin' my ass, blendin' in with the natives.

Kelly Scott

His scales were oval. He's an Asian Crocodile.

Sheriff Hank Keough

Why... why would he come here? I mean, it's impossible. Asia. How would he get here?

Hector Cyr

Obviously some asshole in Hong Kong flushed him down the toilet.

Mrs. Bickerman

Oh, my husband passed away. It's been almost two years now.

Sheriff Hank Keough

My department doesn't have any record of that, Mrs. Bickerman.

Mrs. Bickerman

Well, I'm sorry. Incomplete records haunt me so.

Jack Wells

What was the cause of your husband's death, ma'am? Do you know?

Kelly Scott

We don't mean to invade your privacy, but was he ill, was he sick?

Sheriff Hank Keough

Was he swallowed?

Kelly Scott

Did you want to be killed by it?

Hector Cyr

You think I'm that nuts?

Kelly Scott

Hector, what you just did, there had to be some sort of death wish going on.

Hector Cyr

In ancient Malenesia people suspected of crime's would be thrown to the crocodiles. Crocodiles would decide. They would be the judge.

Kelly Scott

Oh, so that was you wanting to be judged out there?

Hector Cyr

Maybe I was, and so what? Is that too arbitrary? Better to be measured by my wealth? Better for me to get my self-esteem looking into the eyes of cheap sycophants craving a meal ticket? There was more honesty in those dragon's eyes. There was more dignity in those dragon's eyes...

Kelly Scott

Jesus, Hector cut the shit.

Hector Cyr

Aw, **** it.

Kelly Scott

He thinks they're godly.

Sheriff Hank Keough

What was that?

Kelly Scott

In his defense, every primitive culture known to man deified them: ancient China, Egypt, Australia, Asia... Going back in history, crocodiles have been more worshiped than Jesus.

Sheriff Hank Keough

Is this supposed to make us take him more seriously?

Kelly Scott

No, it's supposed to make you understand him.

Kelly Scott

Doesn't anyone "make a move" around here in Maine?

Jack Wells

Get in.

Kelly Scott

You move a bag and that's it? That's your "move"?

Jack Wells

Come on, I know a good bar where we can get some beers.

Kelly Scott

Are the glasses clean?

Jack Wells

Uhh... yeah. Are you gonna complain like this all night?

Kelly Scott

Start the car Jack.

Jack Wells

I miss the crocodile already.