2nd most-quoted character in Kung Pow! Enter the Fist (2002): in 7 of its 16 quotes
Most scenes with: Chosen One (4), Betty (2)
Scenes with Master Tang
7 scenes
Master Tang I remember, a long time ago, when a good friend of mine told me that there would be a chosen one.
Master Doe [in flashback] There will be a chosen one.
Master Tang Then he told me, of the significance.
Master Doe [in flashback] It will be significant.
Master Tang And then he killed the dog.
[Doe groans and closes his eyes; he then farts and a dog is heard whimpering and falling to the ground]
I now officially know too much. And why are you in bed?
Master Tang Oh, you won't even believe what happened next.
[interrupts beginning flashback]
No, please!
Master Tang If you insist.
Master Tang [Master Tang walking and singing]
Chicken go cluck-cluck, cow go moo. Piggy go oink-oink, how 'bout you? Gonna be an animal just like you.
H Henchman
[breaks off and looks around] [in bushes]
Cuckoo, cuckoo.
Mmm, I'm just a birdie, too.
Master Tang [is confused for a while, but then resumes singing]
Lemurs go pff-pff, ostrich go baah. Koalas go... (smacks lips, then spins suddenly to face Betty)
[the intermission begins]
Go get some snacks. Perhaps a carbonated soda.
Ling I hope they have Icees.
I have chosen the large tub.
Wimp Lo My nipples look like Milk Duds.
Master Tang I've got some yellow liquid for your popcorn, and it's non-dairy.
Master Tang [dying]
Chosen One, do I look all right?
Master Tang On a scale of one to ten?
I have traveled many years and miles to find you.
Master Tang How many miles? Would you say...ten million?
...No, I don't think ten million.
Master Tang [Chosen One is attacked by Betty and his iron claws] [Narrating]
At that moment, the Chosen one learned a valuable lesson about iron claws. They hurt like crap man!
Master Tang [Narrating]
Chosen One was clearly not ready. he should've listened to that one-boobed chick.
Master Tang fights Betty the second time in the outskirts of the city; but before Master Tang is killed, the scene freezes up with Master Tang narrating his options
Master Tang Okay. So here were my options: A, quickly duck sideways, dodge the claw, then take him out with a spinning back-kick or B, take the claw in the face, then roll on the ground and die. [Hit in the face a few seconds later] Hmm! Shoulda gone with A!
Other characters in Kung Pow! Enter the Fist
