Most-quoted character in Kung Pow! Enter the Fist (2002): in 10 of its 16 quotes
Most scenes with: Master Tang (4), Betty (3)
Scenes with Chosen One
10 scenes
I remember, a long time ago, when a good friend of mine told me that there would be a chosen one.
Master Doe [in flashback] There will be a chosen one.
Then he told me, of the significance.
Master Doe [in flashback] It will be significant.
And then he killed the dog.
Chosen One [Doe groans and closes his eyes; he then farts and a dog is heard whimpering and falling to the ground]
I now officially know too much. And why are you in bed?
Oh, you won't even believe what happened next.
Chosen One [interrupts beginning flashback]
No, please!
Chosen One But I don't understand. Who are the evil council?
M Mushufasa
The answer you seek resides in the stars above.
Chosen One I don't understand.
M Mushufasa
Of course you don't. I'm speaking in riddles. That's kind of the point, like a clue, so when you figure it out you'll say "Oh, that's what he meant! Stars above!"
Ling But Chosen One, I'd like to help you, but I-I-I-I-I-I, I just can't. I won't. Wee-ooh, wee-ooh.
Chosen One He wasn't at the restaurant, do you know where he is?
Ling No, I won't tell. Stay, stay and live, live a life with me. Wee-ooh.
Chosen One Look, Ling, those curlicues in your hair make me so hot, I can't think straight.
Ling You'll never make it. Never make it. Never make it. Never make it, never. Don't you see you can't make it?
Chosen One [Chosen One grabs her shoulders and is clearly shouting, but...] [calmly]
I implore you to reconsider.
Ling Hmm. Okay. He spends his time on top of a waterfall swinging a chain around. There. You got what you wanted. Now go. [walks off while sobbing uncontrollably]
W Woah
[in a flashback]
Remember, avoid the meadow
Wimp Lo [Chosen One kicks Wimp Lo in the face; Wimp Lo does a pose]
Ha! Face-to-foot style. How do you like it?
Chosen One I'm sure on some planet your style is impressive, but your weak link is: This is Earth.
Wimp Lo Oh, yeah? Then try my-nuts-to-your-fist style!
[the intermission begins]
Go get some snacks. Perhaps a carbonated soda.
Ling I hope they have Icees.
Chosen One I have chosen the large tub.
Wimp Lo My nipples look like Milk Duds.
I've got some yellow liquid for your popcorn, and it's non-dairy.
[the Council appears out of the air]
That's right. The Evil Council are aliens.
Chosen One [speaker comes out of Council ship and plays French music]
They're French.
Ha-ha. Stinky pits and all, baby!
Chosen One His powers are greater than mine.
MS Mu Shu Fasa
Yes. Plus, when you got hit with his iron claw, you did scream like a wussy.
[dying]
Chosen One, do I look all right?
Chosen One Yeah. Sure.
On a scale of one to ten?
Chosen One One.
[the Chosen One is preparing to fight Master Betty. A man comes up to him]
Wait! You mustn't. You are not ready.
Chosen One Who are you?
Ling's father. Wee-ooh, wee-ooh.
Chosen One Oh, dear.
No one man can defeat Betty.
When you girls are done kissing, I've got some ass kicking for you!
Chosen One I have to avenge my family!
Chosen One I have traveled many years and miles to find you.
How many miles? Would you say...ten million?
Chosen One ...No, I don't think ten million.
Other characters in Kung Pow! Enter the Fist
