Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back quotes

View Quote Banky: Uh, Chaka? Hi, I'm Banky Edwards, the creator of "Bluntman and Chronic." We met a few weeks back, I'm the executive producer.
Chaka: Oh, you're the executive producer. Well, why don't you executive produce me a latte - De-Crackinate it. Okay, ****y?
Banky: Actually, it's Banky.
Chaka: No, it is ****y.

View Quote [Walt and Steve-Dave leave the premiere of Bluntman & Chronic]
Steve-Dave Pulasti: Why can't Hollywood make a decent comic book movie?
Walt "Fanboy" Grover: Tell 'em Steve-Dave.
Steve-Dave Pulasti: Would you stop saying that?

View Quote Whillenholly: And might I add, that is one fine looking boy you are raising.
Jay: Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I **** on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% ****. He LOVES the ****.

View Quote Whillenholly: The C.L.I.T. is an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A.
Reg Hartner: Oh, you mean the Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning Apes movement?

View Quote Daphne: I think they passed out.
Fred: Great. What do we do with them now?
Shaggy: Let's cut out their kidneys and sell them to the black market and leave them in a seedy motel bathtub full of ice.

View Quote Jay: Hey, I'll make you a deal - this guy
[points to Silent Bob]
Jay: will suck your dick off if you let us go.
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Contrary to what you believe, not everyone in Hollywood is a homosexual.
Jay: How about this deal- he'll suck my dick while you watch and jerk off.
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Alright.
[takes Jay and Silent Bob behind a wall, out of sight]
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Make it fast and sexy.

View Quote Jay: [to Silent Bob] It's either this or jail. And you know what they do to you in jail.
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: I was a guard. Alright, and after it's all over, you say "Ooh, what a lovely tea party".

View Quote Matt Damon: Just take it from "It's a good course."
Ben Affleck: Oh, now you're the director.
Matt Damon: Hey shove it, Bounce-boy. Let's remember who talked who into doing this shit in the first place. Talking me into Dogma was one thing, but this...
Ben Affleck: Hey look, I'm sorry I dragged you away from whatever-gay-serial-killers-who-ride-horses-and-like-to-play-golf-touchy-feely-picture you're supposed to be doing this week.
Matt Damon: I take it you haven't seen Forces of Nature?
Ben Affleck: You're like a child. What've I been telling you? You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture. But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him.
[They both take a beat and look at the camera]
Ben Affleck: And sometimes, you have to go back to the well.
Matt Damon: And sometimes, you do Reindeer Games.
Ben Affleck: See, that's just mean.

View Quote Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.
Chrissy: Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches!
Missy: And two: because you're a man!
Whillenholly: Only on the outside.

View Quote Chaka's Production Assistant: Here's your coffee sir.
Chaka: Did you spit in it?
Chaka's Production Assistant: I didn't spit in it sir.
Chaka: Any boogers in it?
Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.
Chaka: You went to film school didn't you? Must piss you off to see a black man runnin' a big old production like this, huh? Went to film school. Does your daddy know you give a **** his coffee? Must kill him, doesn't it!
Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.
Chaka: Then taste it. Taste the booger flavor. I know it's in there!

View Quote Shannen Doherty: ****ing Miramax! Cut!
Wes Craven: Shannen, I usually say cut.
Shannen Doherty: A monkey? Wes? Jesus, you're not even trying anymore are you?
Wes Craven: The Market research says that people love monkeys.
[Jay and Silent Bob run in and grab the monkey]
Jay: WE LOVE THIS MONKEY!
[to a crew member]
Jay: Do something!
Wes Craven: See?

View Quote Jay: So all we's gotta do is stop this ****in' movie from getting made!
Holden: Yeah, and forego the hundreds of thousands of dollars you would be entitled to in the process. What are you, ****ing ****ed? I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?
[Holden, Jay, and Bob look into the camera]

View Quote James Van Der Beek: [about "Dawson's Creek"] You actually watch that show?
Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to 3rd base with her?
James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time...

View Quote Hitchhiker: [explaining why he gives head for rides] Have you seen the price of bus tickets lately. There's no way I'm gonna cough up 200 bucks just to get to Chicago.
Jay: **** that, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm.
Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight... it's all the same now. There are no more lines.
Jay: Well there's a line, and on this side of it, we ain't gay.

View Quote Steve-Dave Pulasti: [at Brodie's Secret Stash] Boy, Walt. This store sure does suck ass, doesn't it?
Walt "Fanboy" Grover: Tell him, Steve-Dave.
Brodie: You're both banned.
Steve-Dave Pulasti: Holy Shit. Un-ban us. This guy'll suck your dick.
Brodie: I'm sure he will.
Walt "Fanboy" Grover: [Steve-Dave is forcing him onto his knees] NO!