Wee Man quotes from Jackass Number Two (2006)

There's a machine in here! Where's the **** card throwing machine?

Ah! Argh...! [Jumps of off the stool] No, [repeatedly] I don't **** like that dude...! That **** hurts, dude!

Hey, can we get us some fries, please? Some time today. There you go. Take a sip. That'll put lead in your pencil, kid.

You got a light?

Shit.

Hey, little guy, is that a real cigarette?

Piss off, man.

Is it?

He said, "Piss off!"

Jesus.

Here, Gramps.

Thank you. Don't hog it all, you little prick. Give me that.

This is LA.

What?

This is LA.

Yeah? Don't do what?

We don't drink out in public.

You don't drink out in public?

No.

Well, maybe you should start, bub.

Yeah. Where are you guys from?

We're from your face.

Yeah?

Mind your own business, asshole.

What?

I said, "Mind your own business, asshole."

Okay, you'd better be quiet, buddy.

What are you gonna do?

You wanna step outside?

We're already outside, numb-nuts. He asked me if I wanted to step outside.

You are from LA, ain't you, boy?

Do you want to go around the block? Yeah, we'll go around the block. We'll go around the block and see your mother. This is bullshit. We're surrounded by ****s. All right, kid. It's time for Grandpa's massage. You get massages with happy endings? That's right. Say goodbye to the hippies. [They start walking away]

Bye, hippies.

Don't get beat up out here.

"Beat up out here"? [He follows them]

I don't have to worry about that in LA. Not with you skinny sons of bitches.

Okay, Old Man River. Watch your mouth.

I hear a lot of talking. You're letting that bulldog mouth overload that puppy-dog ass. Look at him. Look how tough he is. You allow your nine-year-old son to drink? It's my grandson. I don't give a ****.

Wow, now you swear in front of him? What kind of role model are you?

"What kind of role model are you"?!

Get the **** out of here and go back to Mississippi.

Step over this line. Just step over that line. [Man steps over line] Oh! You stepped over the line!

I didn't step over a line.

You stepped over the line. [Continues walking away with Slater] That long hair don't cover that red neck, boy.

Piss off!

Let's go. Go crawl back in your mama's ass!

What are thinking about, Preston?

I wish all of that water was gravy and all those cars were giant biscuits.

Are you hungry?

I was just saying...

Oh, all right!