John Brown/Inspector Gadget quotes from Inspector Gadget (1999)

How about I say "In the name of justice"?

Say bye-bye to the rookie.

Go Go Gadgetmobile?

Good morning, Riverton. Hey, who's in the car? I work alone. Before we hit the road, I got to tell you something: "Duck!"

I don't think the car likes me.

Who're you calling "car"? I'm a crime-fighting machine. Watch this. Back turn! Ain't you fallin' out yet?

No, sir, I haven't.

Who are you, rookie?

I'm Officer John Brown, and you're exceeding the speed limit.

Speed limits are for cars, not the Gadgetmobile!

Are you? Are you talking to me?

Speaking of breaking the law, who's not wearing a seat belt? You gotta wear this seat belts, baby. It's a Disney movie. Now, I'm going to find some crime. More back turns!

Can you slow down, please? I get carsick.

You know what makes people sick: a rookie who thinks he's good enough for Dr. B.

Not that is any of your business, but what makes you think I was putting the moves on Dr. Bradford?

Hey, I got hit scissors, and I know what you're think when Dr. B. gave you that smile. Look here, come clean with me. I'm gonna bounce you right outta here.

I can assure you my interest on Dr. Bradford is professional.

Professional, huh? Well, good. Keep it that way and that's an order. You got it?

Uh, I'm the inspector, you're the car.

I'll tell you what you are. You're...

Don't make me hook up on you.

Is there an off button or something? Mute. (paintball hits a man) Sorry, sir.

Don't push my buttons when I'm reading the manual.

Is it that obvious?

Penny

Come on, Uncle John, you just need to loosen up. Be cool.

Have you been talking to my car?

Penny

What?

You'll see.

Penny

Uncle John, I love you, but I think you have a loose wire.

Penny

Uh, what about that?

Scolex Industries.

Hello! Finally, there's a detective in the house.

Wait a minute. If Scolex stole the foot then scolex murdered Dr... Oh no. Brenda.

Penny

What about me?

You're smarter than he is. Stay in the car. I don't mind babysitting you, Penny, but please tell the beagle that's an arm rest not a chew toy!

Dr. Claw

Greetings, inspector. Glad you could drop in.

I owe you one, Scolex. You blew me up and my chevette. And I really liked that car.

Dr. Claw

Well, you crushed my hand and I really liked that hand. So Go Go get over it.

I know what you're up to, Scolex, but you'll never get away with this.

Dr. Claw

How cliche, inspector. I think somebody's been watching too many Satuday morning cartoons.

Dr. Claw

Unfortunately, Gadget, in the real world, evil often quite prevails. 'Fraid so. (to Sykes) Pull him up.

Dr. Claw

Your current replacement is helping people to cross the street.

Hey, he looks just like me. I don't get it. Why would you do this?

Kramer

To make teachers!

Dr. Claw

Shut up! I'll tell you why. To make techno-warriors that never get tired, never get hungry, and never say "no". Every army in the world would be made up of my creations. Imagine the confusion, Gadget, huh? Imagine the bricks. Comprende?

Yeah, I comprende.

Dr. Claw

No, no, no. I comprendo, you comprendo. Can't you get the word for Pete's sake? Pull out his safe chip before he butchers another language.

Kramer

You're kidding, right? Ok, you see, he's always kidding! I never know.

Dr. Claw

Yes, I know. I wanna make sure nobody else could develop their own android. Do it or you'll be building yourself a new head.

RoboGadget

Do you know how to dance?

Well, I've been taking lessons a long ago and...

RoboGadget

Shut up and dance!
(RoboGadget unleashes two machine guns)

RoboGadget

Hey, why did you do that? We shouldn't be fighting. We have a lot in common. It's just that I have nicer teeth. We should be working together, be partners. Together, you and I could rule the world.

You should have quit while you were ahead.
(Inspector Gadget tosses RoboGadget's head to the river)

Dr. Claw

Darn! That fellow will not give us a break!

For the third time, Sanford Scolex, you are under arrest!

Dr. Claw

Let me give you a lift. Where could I drop you off?

I could answer but I don't really care.

Brenda Bradford

John, help up here! Take my hand!

Dr. Claw

Hi, John, how you're doing down there?

Brenda Bradford

John!

Dr. Claw

JOHN!!

Penny

Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John?

Every time I close my eyes. How was school?

Penny

Fine. Don't forget: tomorrow's the day parents come over to talk about their careers.

Oh. Well, I might have to work. D'you want me to ask off?

Penny

No; it's okay; parents don't go to school. Besides, I knew it was that, anyway.

But if it's important to you, Penny…

Penny

Did the letter come?

Letter? O, gee! What letter? Yes. They said two years as a security-guard wasn't enough experience to be a cop.

Penny

Uncle John, I'm sorry.

I can still secure and protect… just thinking I could do much more good as a cop!

Penny

Hey, wait a minute! Tomorrow's your day off.

Well, honey, I was just thinking… Nicole's dad is a lawyer and Kim's dad is a dentist, and I didn't wanna embarrass you in front of your friends. I want that badge!

Penny

Uncle John, it's not the badge! It's the heart behind it.

Brenda Bradford

I've got something special to show you. Ta-da! The Gadgetmobile.

Wow.

Brenda Bradford

It's for you. [Gadget is stunned] I made it myself. Come on.

You made me a car? The only thing anybody's ever made me before is a sweater!

Brenda Bradford

All right. Now, it may look simple, but this thing has just about as many factory extras as you do. [Gadget hesitates] Come on. Get in there.

Oh.

Brenda Bradford

Watch the coat. Okay.

Gosh. She's incredible.

Brenda Bradford

Oh, it's a he.

Excuse me?

Brenda Bradford

You'll see. Okay, now, it has voice activation, ejection seats, a power-assisted metamorphic camouflage system, a cardio-homing device, then there's a periscope, a candy--

Dr. Bradford, there's something I just have to ask you.

Brenda Bradford

Oh, just say "Go, Go, Gadgetmobile."

Yes, but will you-- "Go, Go, Gadgetmobile"?

Good mornin', Riverton! Hey! Who's in the car? I work alone! [he drives off with Gadget in the seat] Hey. Before we hit the road, I gotta tell you somethin'. Duck!

Brenda

Ohh.

I don't think the car likes me!

Who you calling "car"? I'm a crime-fighting machine. Watch this. Back turn! Haven't you fallen out yet?

No, sir, I haven't!

Who are you, rookie?

I'm Officer John Brown, and you're exceeding the speed limit.

Speed limits are for cars, not the Gadgetmobile.

Are you… Are you talking to me?

Speaking of breaking the law, who's not wearing a seat belt? You gotta wear the belt, baby. [fastens belt with the "Inspector Gadget" logo.] It's a Disney movie. Now, I'm gonna find me some crime. Whoo! More back turns!

Can you slow down, please? I-- I get carsick.

Well, you know what makes me people-sick? A rookie thinkin' he's good enough for Dr. B.

Not that it's any of your business, but what makes you think I was putting the moves on Dr. Bradford?

Hey, I got heat sensors, and I know what you're thinkin' when Dr. B. gave you that smile. Now, look here, come clean with me, or I'm gonna bounce you right outta here.

I can assure you, my only interest in Dr. Bradford is professional.

Professional, huh? Well, good. Keep it that way, and that's an order. You got it?

Uh, I'm the inspector, you're the car.

I'll tell you what you are. You're the… [Gadget punches Gadgetmobile] Don't make me go "De La Hoya!" on you!

Isn't there an off-button or something? A mute? [Paintball hits a man] Sorry, sir!

Don't push my buttons without reading the manual! [sees hot dog vendor] Ooh, watch out there, now! [avoids hot dog vendor] Ha-ha!

Hot Dog Vendor

Hmm?!

Oh, man, I got a June bug in my grill. [spits out June bug, which splats on the camera lens.]

Shouldn't we be working together, helping people?!

Why didn't you say so? [stops] Yo, close-up! Nine o'clock! Left, you idiot!

Alright, so I'll rule out the Spanish, but what else could "S.I." stand for? Space Invaders? Ahh, "Scuba Instructor"?

Penny

No.

He-Hey, how 'bout "Super Idiot"?

No, that's not it.

Penny

Uncle John, I love you very much, but I think you have a loose wire. [Gadgetmobile laughs. Scolex Industries truck appears] Oh, what about that?

"Scolex Industries".

Hello. Finally, there's a detective in the house!

Wait a minute. If Scolex stole the foot then Scolex murdered Dr.-- [realizes] Oh, no. Brenda!

Time to work! [they arrive at Scolex's building.] Can you find the Scolex Building from here, or should I call the police?

I am the police.

Penny

Hey. [Gadget closes door.] Wait. What about me?

You're smarter than he is. Stay in the car. I don't mind babysitting you, Penny, but please tell the beagle that that's an arm rest, not a chew toy.

Wowzer! [his shoe opens up and a rocket shoots out and Inspector Gadget and Brenda kiss]

A happy ending. Ah, what could be better than true love? [sees red Volkswagen beetle] Whoo-hoo! Cute little bug. Wait up, Fraulein! [horn honks] Did you know I speak German? [follows Red Volkswagen beetle] Farfegnugen, baby!

Hey, thanks for watching my movie. Yeah, my movie, even though we called it Inspector Gadget. I know you all are wondering; Things with the Volkswagen are workin' out real good. We got married in Las Vegas, in a drive-through Chapel. We're expecting a little subcompact any day now, thinking of calling him "The Love Bug", which is in no way a plug for my employer, The Walt Disney Company. Although, when our little one is old enough, I'm sure his first words will be, "I'm going to Disneyland!" But don't any of you leave for theme parks just yet. All these fine people in the credits make me look good.

Wow! You made it through the credits, and we didn't offer you anything for free! Movie audiences are the best audiences in the world. Now, get out, go home, leave, vamoose. You got to go. I am tired. Please go home, go home, go home, go home. Good night, Riverton!