Norville Barnes You know, for kids.
Most-quoted character in The Hudsucker Proxy (1994): in 17 of its 44 quotes
Most scenes with: Sidney J. Mussburger (3), Waring Hudsucker (3)
I wasn't expecting all this hoopla. You can quote me on that.
More lines from Norville Barnes
4 quotes Norville Barnes Norville Barnes For instance, take a look at this sweet baby. (Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper.) I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. You know, for kids.
Norville Barnes Fight on! Fight on dear old Muncie! Fight on hoist the gold and blue! You'll be tattered, torn, and hurtin' once the Munc' is done with you! Gooooooooooooo Eagles!
Norville Barnes Well look who it is. Amy Archer, Prizeter Pule winner.
Scenes with Norville Barnes
12 scenes Norville Barnes Say what do you do when the envelopes too big for the slot?
Ancient Sorter Well, if you fold 'em, they fire ya. I usally throw 'em out.
Norville Barnes Just got hired today.
Ancient Sorter Terrific.
Norville Barnes You know, entry level.
Ancient Sorter Tell me about it.
Norville Barnes But I've got big ideas.
Ancient Sorter I'm sure you do.
Norville Barnes For instance, take a look at this sweet baby.
Norville Barnes [Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper]
I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. You know, for kids.
Ancient Sorter Terrific.
Norville Barnes So, it sees how I won't be working in the mailroom long.
Ancient Sorter No, I don't guess you will be.
Norville Barnes How long you been here?
Ancient Sorter Forty-eight years. Next year they move me up to parcels... if I'm lucky.
Norville Barnes Hullo.
Receptionist
Do you have an appointment?
Norville Barnes Uhh, no, I...
Receptionist
Shall we look in the book, hmmm? [takes out a huge book]
Norville Barnes No, ma'am, ya see, I...
Receptionist
We don't seem to be in the boooook.
Norville Barnes I wouldn't be in the book.
Receptionish
If we had an appointment we'd be in the booook.
Norville Barnes I know but ya see I have this, uh, oh here it is. [Takes out the Blue Letter]
This better be good. I'm in a bad mood.
Norville Barnes Well, sir. I've got something for you from the mailroom, but first if I could just take a minute or so from your very valuable time to show you a little something I've been working on for the last two or three years. [Shows him the drawing of the circle, but sees that it's upside down and flips it over]. You know, for kids! Which is perfect for Hudsucker not that I claim to be any great genius; like they say, inspiration is ninty-nine percent perspiration, and in my case I'd say it's at least twice that, but I gotta tell ya, Mr. Mussburger, sir, this sweet baby...
Wait a minute!
Let's get to know one another, shall we? Let's chat man to man. Now your from the basement, aren't you? And weren't blessed with much education?
Norville Barnes Well, I am college graduate.
But you didn't excel in your studies?
Norville Barnes Well, I made the Dean's List.
Norville Barnes At the Muncie College of Business Administration.
Oh. And your friends called you "jerk" didn't they?
Norville Barnes No.
Dope? Dipstick? Lamebrain? Schmoe? Not even behind you back?
Norville Barnes No, actually they voted me most likely to succeed!
Your fired.
And this is Thorstensen Finlandsen, who heads a radical splinter group of disgruntled investors.
Norville Barnes Pleased to meet you, Mr. Finlandsen. You know, I studied a little Finnish back in collage myself. Let's see what was that.[says something offensive in Finnish]]
[Finlandsen throws his drink on Norville and punches him]
[Amy finds Norville out on the balcony with an ice pack on his eye]
Norville? What happened?
Norville Barnes Oh. Nothing, really, just the more timid investors are no longer running for cover.
Let me look.
Norville Barnes Sid found me the icepack.
Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner.
Norville Barnes Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story.
Norville Barnes Oh, it isn't your fault, Amy. You're the one person who's been standing by me through all this.
Norville, there's something I have to tell you. You see, I'm not really a secretary.
Norville Barnes I know that, Amy.
You do!?
Norville Barnes I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front not that everyone's buying it.
I believe in you, Norville. At least I believe in your intentions --
Norville Barnes Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These folks have to protect their investment. Most of them are very nice people --
Listen, Norville, you can't trust people here like you did in Muncie. Certain people are --
Norville Barnes Did you ever go to the top of old man Larson's feed tower and look out over the town?
What?
Norville Barnes You know, on Farm Route 17.
Oh yes! In Muncie!
Norville Barnes No, in Vidalia. Farm Route 17?
Uh, yes. 17! Yes, I... well...
Norville Barnes The boys from varsity use to take their girlfriends up there to hold hands, except... I never made varsity.
There's a place I go now, the cutest little place near my apartment in Greenwich Village. It's called Ann's 440; it's a beatnik bar.
Norville Barnes A beatnik bar!
Yes!
Norville Barnes You don't say.
You can get carrot juice or Italian coffee! And the people there are... well, none of them quite fit in. You'd love it. Why don't you come there with me. They're having a marathon poetry reading on New Year's Eve. I go every year.
Norville Barnes Every year?
Well, this year... if it's good, I plan to make it a tradition. [laughs and changes subjects] My it certainly is beautiful. The people look like ants.
Norville Barnes Well, the Hindus say, and the beatniks also, that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. Some will be butterflies. Others will be elephants or creatures of the sea.
What a beautiful thought.
Norville Barnes Say, what do you think you were in your previous life, Amy?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys.
Norville Barnes Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying so but I find that very farfetched.
Norville, there really is something I have to tell you --
Norville Barnes That kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. No, I think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope or an ibex. What times we must have had. Foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways.
I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was still a gazelle, and you were an antelope or an ibex.
Norville Barnes Well, can I at least call you deer? [laughs] Seriously, Amy, the whole thing is what your beatnik friends call a kar-mah –
Karma.
Norville Barnes The great circle of life.
Yeah, yeah. I think I've heard of that. What goes around comes around.
Norville Barnes That's it. A great wheel that gives us each what we deserve... Golly, tomorrow's my big presentation to the board. I've gotta show Sidney and the guys that I deserve all their confidence!
Norville Barnes Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once for luck!
Sure, Norville.
[Amy gives him a peck. They look at each other and then embraces and kiss again passionately]
Norville Barnes [Norville is showing the board his new invention: the hula-hoop]
You know, for kids! It has economy, simplicity, low production cost and the potential for mass appeal, and all that spells out great profitability! I had the boys down at R & D throw together this prototype so that our discussion here could have some focus and to give you gentlemen of the Board a first-hand look at just how exciting this gizmo is! Its fun, it's healthy, it's good exercise; kids'll just love it, and we put a little sand inside to make the experience more pleasant. But the great part is we won't have to charge an arm and a leg!
Board Member 1
What if you tire before it's done?
Board Member 2
Does it have rules?
Board Member 3
Can more than one play?
Board Member 4
What makes you think it's a game?
Board Member 3
Is it a game?
Board Member 5
Will it break?
Board Member 6
It better break eventually!
Board Member 2
Is there an object?
Board Member 1
What if you tire before it's done?
Board Member 5
Does it come with batteries?
Board Member 4
We could charge extra for them.
Board Member 7
Is it safe for toddlers?
Board Member 3
How can you tell when you're finished?
Board Member 2
How do you make it stop?
Board Member 6
Is that a boy's model?
Board Member 3
Can a parent assemble it?
Board Member 5
Is there a larger model for the obese?
Board Member 1
What if you tire before it's done?
Board Member 8
What the hell is it?
Norville Barnes [wakes up]
Huh-whuh?
Looks like ya nodded off there! Say, buddy, ya got a minute?
Norville Barnes Buzz... Is it important?
I like to think so! It's this little idea I been working on. Ya see, I don't intend to be an elevator boy forever. Take a look at this sweet baby! [shows Norville a drawing of a circle] Ya get it, buddy? Incredibly convenient, isn't it? You know, for drinks. [shows Norville a straw] This is how it works, it's these little ridges on the side that give it its whammy! See, ya don't have to drink like this nomore; now you can drink like this. [bends staw] I call it the Buzz-Sucker, get it, buddy? After me! Why, people are just dyin' for a product like this, and the great thing is we won't have to charge an arm and a --
Norville Barnes Wait a minute! [He looks at it like when Mussburger first looked at his own invention] This is worthless.
Huh?! But, buddy --
Norville Barnes This is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen in my life!
Yeah, but, buddy --
Norville Barnes Nobody wants a hare-brained product like this! Ya see, Buzz, it lacks the creative spark, the unalloyed genius that made, say, the hula hoop such a success.
But, buddy --
Norville Barnes What do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here!
I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves!
Geez, buddy, I'm sorry.
Norville Barnes An example must be made!
Wuddya mean, buddy?
Norville Barnes You're fired! Is that plain enough for you, buster!
Norville Barnes And don't call me buddy! Out of here!
Aw, please, sir! This job, just running the elevator, it's all I got! I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just, please, let me keep my job! I'm prayin' to ya!
Norville Barnes Get out of my office! Get out! [Buzz crawls away crying] Up! Up on your feet! We don't crawl at Hudsucker Industries! Get out! And leave your uniform in the locker room!
I'm sorry, sir... I'm sorry...
[after singing She'll Be Comin' Around the Mountain]
Love that tune. How ya doin', kid?
Norville Barnes Mr. Hudsucker?
[points to his halo]
Hey, how do you like that thing. They're all wearin' up stairs. It's a fad. Anyway, I hear your having some, uh, problems with the board. I guess Sidney's been puttin' the screws to ya, huh, Norman?
Norville Barnes Norville.
Yeah, yeah. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to-the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal.
Norville Barnes Mr. Hudsucker, I must of mislaid it --
It's sittin' in your apron pocket, right where you left it. Imbecile. Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal.
Norville Barnes Oh geez sir...
Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. Anyway, you wanna read it? You might learn something. Might keep ya from jumpin' outta anymore windows.
Norville Barnes "Blue Letter. From: the desk of Waring Hudsucker. To: Sidney J. Mussburger. Regarding: My demise. Dear Sid. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I will retain fond mem-memor...
Memories.
Norville Barnes "...of the memories of the many years that you and I have spent.
Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate. Go down to the second paragraph.
Norville You have no dought been wondering why I have decided to end my tenure at Hudsucker, and here on Earth. Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Sid, I have made grave errors. My vanity drove away she who could've saved me. Oh yes, I loved a woman once, Sid, as you well know. A beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel who in her wisdom saw fit to choose you instead of I... Mr. Hudsucker?
Norville Barnes [reading from the Blue Letter]
"...the new president should be free to fall --"
Fail.
Norville Barnes "...so he can learn and then fail --"
Fall!
Norville Barnes "...and rise up.
Norville Barnes [calls mailroom]
Good afternoon to you, this is Norville Barnes.
Hutchinson
Barnes! Where the hell have you been!? Where's my voucher!?
Norville Barnes [checks pockets]
Not sure where I...
Hutchinson
I need the voucher! I told you a week ago it was important!
Norville Barnes Look, I'm President of the Company now --
Hutchinson
I don't care if you're PRESIDENT of the company!! I need the voucher now!
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