T T
So what's the problem?
Nick
Why do you care?
T T
I'm curious. I'm a student of human nature.
Nick
You're a freak of human nature.
T T
That's all right. I forgive you. It's clear you have woman problems.
Nick
You're way off base.
Nick
Yeah, WAY off base.
T T
She mess around on you?
Nick
Look, even if I wanted to talk about it - which I don't - it wouldn't be with you.
T T
You give her some nastiness? I know you gave her some serious nastiness.
Nick
Just forget it.
T T
What about him? You **** him up? You whoop his ass? I bet you hit that mother****er with a bat, didn't you? Kling! Bah! **** his ass up, didn't you? Wait a minute! You capped him! You capped that mother****er, that's why you're out here in the desert, ain't ya?
Nick
Look, I didn't shoot him. I didn't say anything to my wife, I just left.
T T
What you mean, you just left.
Nick
I just left, okay, I saw them doing... you know, and I... walked away.
T T
What a pussy. no wonder your woman is sneaking behind your back, man. You know what your problem is, you don't have the respect of you're woman man. That's what it is. Me? I got all that. I come home, my dinner's on the table. BAM! "I don't wanna hear shit, woman." And when I want lovin', when I'm in the mood, I get that too.
Nick
You're so full of shit! What would you have done?
T T
Man, I'd have gone back into that house, and pulled a Terminator on the front door, boom boom boom! Who the **** you think you're playin' with woman! Who do you think I am, some fruity pie? I ain't no fruity pie, I'm... (T picks up Nick's card) I'm Nick Beam. that's what I tell you, I'm Nick Beam. And Nick Beam ain't putting up with that bullshit! She be cryin' you know, 'Oh Nick, please take me back, please, it was only one time'. I'm gonna "one time" your ass! Nick Beam is the m aster of his fate, the ruler of his destiny. So if you want to cry on someone's shoulder, why don't you cry on Super Dick! As for Nick Beam, I'm fit, lit, and I damn sure ain't takin' no shit. So you...can get the ****...OUT! (pauses) That's what I'd have told the bitch. (T points the eggs with fork) That's what I told the bitch.
(T eats the eggs with a fork) . (Nick stares at him for a second and he lunges over the table and chokes him)
Nick
[Nick's driver side mirror is shot by the owner of the convenience store wielding a shot gun. While driving, he is furious with T for getting them into a lot of trouble with the law in robbing the owner.]
Why? Why?! WHY!!!
T T
I didn't have any money, man!
Nick
Oh you had money.
T T
No, that $5 I gave the lady was it.
Nick
[They scream as the owner continues shooting them with his shot gun and following them in his truck.]
Oh great, Buford's come to kill us.
T T
[The owner continues laughing as he pursues Nick and T in his truck]
Persistent hillbilly mother****er.
Nick
[furious]
He has every right to be. You robbed him at gunpoint, you DICK!
T T
Hey, you were the one who threw the wallet out the window. Smart!
Nick
[Sees a cop car in front of them]
GREAT!!!!
T T
It's easy for you to point the finger when you're sitting on your rich ass in the big ****in' house!
Nick
I'm not rich.
T T
Oh, yeah? How big's your TV?
Nick
What?
T T
I say, how big is your tv?
Nick
50 inch.
T T
(laughs)
Get in the car, man.
Nick
Oh please, let's not make this a social issue. The point is, that even if you wanted to rob a place, there are smarter ways to do it.
Nick
A mask! Wear a mask! You see, the police have this thing called a line-up, and when somebody recognizes you, YOU GO TO JAIL! Or, how about this for a novel idea: case the place first? Find out if there's a security camera or a hidden alarm. Then again, why even rob a convenience store? How much money could you possibly get? Two, three hundred dollars? Then what? You're set for two days! Wow!
T T
What do you know, Lanky?
Nick
I know you go for the big score. One robbery, you're set.
T T
You know, this is an all right camera for a regular eight.
Nick
It's the best on the market.
T T
Let me explain something to you. If you ain't got digital, you ain't got shit. This has only got one CCD chip. Broadcast has three, Nick. Don't look at me like that. What, are you surprised I know shit?
Nick
The guy that sold me that camera just set up our computer network.
Nick
No, just Windows.
T T
Man, get out of here with that shit.
Nick
Look, here's a nutty idea. If you actually know something about this stuff, why not use that knowledge and get a job?
T T
Take a good look at me. I'm not exactly the corporate colour.
Nick
That's ridiculous. If you wanted a job, you could have one.
T T
There's a spider on your head.
Nick
What?
T T
There's a spider on your head.
Nick
Look, I'm sorry, I'm not up on all this jive talkin', home boy lingo, what's that supposed to mean? "There's a spider on your head"?
T T
It means there's a spider on your mother****in' head, man!
Nick
Well get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
T T
I ain't touchin' that shit!
T T
News flash, Big Slim: people with big money, they protect it!
Nick
So you do a little research. Take Quality Design Group, where I work. My boss keeps a ton of cash in his vault, and at night there's only two guards and a personal security system. In this case, I even happen to know the code! But even if I didn't, I...!
T T
[He trails off, getting an idea.]
What? I got a booger in my nose?
Nick
(imitating P.B.)
"Diversify! You can't trust banks, Nick! The entire system could crumble at any second!" That bastard's so heavily leveraged it would wipe him out.
T T
Wait, am I reading you right? Mr. High-and-Mighty's gonna rob his boss? (to the landscape) You hear that, gila monsters? Old Nick Beam here's gonna rob his boss! I say, do you hear that, gila monsters?!
T T
[Nick raises his arms to imaginary applause.]
You know what, Nick? Your wife really messed your head up bad, man.
