Is this guy from Chumpsville? Ha! I even pulled the old mother routine.
Smitty, Argus reporter Adenoids.
Lumbago.
Smitty, Argus reporter [whistles]
That gag's got whiskers on it!
Norville Barnes
Tim Robbins · 17 quotes
Sidney J. Mussburger
Paul Newman · 10 quotes
Amy Archer
Jennifer Jason Leigh · 8 quotes
Buzz the Elevator Operator
Jim True-Frost · 6 quotes
Moses the Clock Man
Bill Cobbs · 5 quotes
Waring Hudsucker
Charles Durning · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Norville Barnes & Sidney J. Mussburger (3), Norville Barnes & Waring Hudsucker (3)
The Hudsucker Proxy quotes
Page 1 of 3 Smitty, Argus reporter Smitty, Argus reporter [to Norville entering the elevator]
Say, buddy! Where'd ya get the new duds? And say, buddy! How'd old bucketbutt like his Blue Letter? [laughs] Did he bust a gut? Did he die? Did he - [Mussburger enters the elevator] Well, hello, Mr. Mussburger, sir...
Lobby. We haven't got all day.
Right away, Mr. Mussburger sir. How're you this fine morning, sir?
[The elevator doors open in the lobby]
It's been a pleasure serving you, Mr. Mussburger. And it's been a pleasure serving you too, uh... buddy.
Mr. Kline, up to nine. Mrs. Dell, personnel. Mr. Levin, thirty-seven.
Mr. Levin
Thirty-six.
Walk down. Ladies and gentlemen, step to the rear; here comes the gargantuan Mr. Grier.
Mr. Grier
Buzz.
Lou I got gas, Bennie.
Bennie
Yeah...tell me about it.
Lou No kiddin', Bennie. I got gas.
Bennie
Ya get the special?
Lou Fah from it... [wistles as Amy enters the diner] ...Enter the dame.
Bennie
There's one in every story.
Lou Ten bucks says she's looking for a handout.
Bennie
Twenty bucks says not here she don't find one.
Lou She's looking for her mark.
Lou [Amy sits next to Norville]
She finds him.
Bennie
She sits down and orders a light lunch. [Amy orders lunch from the waitress] How will she pay for this lunch?
Lou She looks in her purse...
Bennie
[Amy holds her wallet upside down]
No money.
Lou The mark notices.
Bennie
He's not noticing, Bennie.
Lou Maybe he's wise.
Bennie
He don't look wise. Plan two: Here come the waterworks.
[Amy begins to cry] Lou Yellowstone.
Bennie
Old Faithful.
Lou Hello, Niagara.
Bennie
[Amy elbow Norville]
He notices. He's concerned.
Lou She explains her predicament, and...
Both
...Enter the light lunch.
Bennie
[The waitress serves Amy's lunch as Amy continues to talk to Norville]
She's got other problems, of course.
Lou There's illness in the family.
Bennie
Her mother needs an operation...
Lou Adenoids.
Bennie
[with Amy]
Lumbago. Oh, that gag's got whiskers on it.
Lou She's losing him, Bennie.
Bennie
Maybe he's wise.
Lou He don't look wise.
Bennie
[Norville turns to leave]
How does she pull this out?
Lou She better think fast.
Bennie
She isn't.
Both
[Amy places her hand on her forehead]
She is!
Lou [Amy faints so that Norville has no choice but to catch her and holds her awkwardly, looking around for help]
She's good, Bennie.
Bennie
She's damn good, Lou.
Waitress
[interrupts]
Can I get you boys anything else?
Bennie
Bromo.
Lou Bromo.
Luigi
Mr. Moose-burger, I give-a you pants a nice-a dooble stitch, eh? Make 'em strong, and they look-a real sharp.
No! Single stitch is fine.
Luigi
But the double stitch will last forever.
Why on earth would I need a double stitch? To pad your account? Single stitch is fine.
[Cut to Later] '
Luigi
Ah, what the heck. Mr. Moose-burger is such a nice-a man, I give him double stitch anyway. That's some strong stitch, you bet.
Mail Room Orienter [Spoken/Shouted very quickly]
You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!
Public Address System
(This speech lasts exactly 60 seconds.)
Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation. (moment of silence) Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.
Hutchinson
You! Yah, you, Barnes. You don't look busy! Think you can handle a blue letter? This letter was sent down this morning by the big guy himself! 'At's right, Waring Hudsucker! It's addressed to Sid Mussburger! Hudsucker's right-hand man! It's a Blue Letter! That means you put it right in Mussburger's hand. No secretaries! No receptionists! No colleagues! No excuses! MUSSBURGER!
Bumstead No magazines. No coffee. Mussburger! I wanna see Mussburger! Or did he jump out a window too?
"Blue Letter. From: the desk of Waring Hudsucker. To: Sidney J. Mussburger. Regarding: My demise. Dear Sid. By the time you read this, I will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. I will retain fond mem-memor...
Memories.
"...of the memories of the many years that you and I have spent.
Yeah, yeah, it's the standard resignation boilerplate. Go down to the second paragraph.
You have no dought been wondering why I have decided to end my tenure at Hudsucker, and here on Earth. Granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. However, Sid, I have made grave errors. My vanity drove away she who could've saved me. Oh yes, I loved a woman once, Sid, as you well know. A beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel who in her wisdom saw fit to choose you instead of I... Mr. Hudsucker?
Hutchinson
Barnes! Where the hell have you been!? Where's my voucher!?
Hutchinson
I need the voucher! I told you a week ago it was important!
Look, I'm President of the Company now --
Hutchinson
I don't care if you're PRESIDENT of the company!! I need the voucher now!
Fail.
"...so he can learn and then fail --"
Fall!
"...and rise up.
Hullo.
Receptionist
Do you have an appointment?
Uhh, no, I...
Receptionist
Shall we look in the book, hmmm? [takes out a huge book]
No, ma'am, ya see, I...
Receptionist
We don't seem to be in the boooook.
I wouldn't be in the book.
Receptionish
If we had an appointment we'd be in the booook.
I know but ya see I have this, uh, oh here it is. [Takes out the Blue Letter]
Say what do you do when the envelopes too big for the slot?
Ancient Sorter Well, if you fold 'em, they fire ya. I usally throw 'em out.
Just got hired today.
Ancient Sorter Terrific.
You know, entry level.
Ancient Sorter Tell me about it.
But I've got big ideas.
Ancient Sorter I'm sure you do.
For instance, take a look at this sweet baby.
[Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper]
I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. You know, for kids.
Ancient Sorter Terrific.
So, it sees how I won't be working in the mailroom long.
Ancient Sorter No, I don't guess you will be.
How long you been here?
Ancient Sorter Forty-eight years. Next year they move me up to parcels... if I'm lucky.
Scientist on TV
Ze dingus is quite simple, really. It operates on ze same principle zat keeps ze Earth in orbit around ze sun, and which keeps you from flying off ze Earth into ze cold reaches of space where you would die like a miserable swine. Yes, ze principle is the same... except for ze piece of grit zey put inside to make ze experience... more pleasant.
And this is Thorstensen Finlandsen, who heads a radical splinter group of disgruntled investors.
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Finlandsen. You know, I studied a little Finnish back in collage myself. Let's see what was that.[says something offensive in Finnish]]
[Finlandsen throws his drink on Norville and punches him]
Let's get to know one another, shall we? Let's chat man to man. Now your from the basement, aren't you? And weren't blessed with much education?
Well, I am college graduate.
But you didn't excel in your studies?
Well, I made the Dean's List.
At the Muncie College of Business Administration.
Oh. And your friends called you "jerk" didn't they?
No.
Dope? Dipstick? Lamebrain? Schmoe? Not even behind you back?
No, actually they voted me most likely to succeed!
Your fired.
Sure, sure, the kid's screwy. It's official. The barred-window boys are out looking for him now, and we'll see how Wall Street likes the news that the President of Hudsucker Industries is headed for the booby-hatch. Why, when the doc gets through with him he'll need diapers and a dribble cup. Well, if that's all...
All Board Members
Long live the Hud!