[after singing She'll Be Comin' Around the Mountain]
Love that tune. How ya doin', kid?
[points to his halo]
Hey, how do you like that thing. They're all wearin' up stairs. It's a fad. Anyway, I hear your having some, uh, problems with the board. I guess Sidney's been puttin' the screws to ya, huh, Norman?
Yeah, yeah. Well, say what you like about the man's ethics, he's a balls-to-the-wall businessman. Beat ya any way he can. Straight for the jugular. Very effective. Any particular reason you didn't give him my Blue Letter? Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's last words and wishes, no big deal.
Mr. Hudsucker, I must of mislaid it --
It's sittin' in your apron pocket, right where you left it. Imbecile. Failure to deliver a Blue Letter is grounds for dismissal.
Ah, it's New Year's, I'm not gonna add to your woes. I'm just saying. Anyway, you wanna read it? You might learn something. Might keep ya from jumpin' outta anymore windows.
[Amy finds Norville out on the balcony with an ice pack on his eye]
Norville? What happened?
Oh. Nothing, really, just the more timid investors are no longer running for cover.
Sid found me the icepack.
Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner.
Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story.
Oh, it isn't your fault, Amy. You're the one person who's been standing by me through all this.
Norville, there's something I have to tell you. You see, I'm not really a secretary.
I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front not that everyone's buying it.
I believe in you, Norville. At least I believe in your intentions --
Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These folks have to protect their investment. Most of them are very nice people --
Listen, Norville, you can't trust people here like you did in Muncie. Certain people are --
Did you ever go to the top of old man Larson's feed tower and look out over the town?
You know, on Farm Route 17.
No, in Vidalia. Farm Route 17?
Uh, yes. 17! Yes, I... well...
The boys from varsity use to take their girlfriends up there to hold hands, except... I never made varsity.
There's a place I go now, the cutest little place near my apartment in Greenwich Village. It's called Ann's 440; it's a beatnik bar.
You can get carrot juice or Italian coffee! And the people there are... well, none of them quite fit in. You'd love it. Why don't you come there with me. They're having a marathon poetry reading on New Year's Eve. I go every year.
Well, this year... if it's good, I plan to make it a tradition. [laughs and changes subjects] My it certainly is beautiful. The people look like ants.
Well, the Hindus say, and the beatniks also, that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. Some will be butterflies. Others will be elephants or creatures of the sea.
What a beautiful thought.
Say, what do you think you were in your previous life, Amy?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys.
Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying so but I find that very farfetched.
Norville, there really is something I have to tell you --
That kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. No, I think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope or an ibex. What times we must have had. Foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways.
I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was still a gazelle, and you were an antelope or an ibex.
Well, can I at least call you deer? [laughs] Seriously, Amy, the whole thing is what your beatnik friends call a kar-mah –
The great circle of life.
Yeah, yeah. I think I've heard of that. What goes around comes around.
That's it. A great wheel that gives us each what we deserve... Golly, tomorrow's my big presentation to the board. I've gotta show Sidney and the guys that I deserve all their confidence!
Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once for luck!
Sure, Norville.
[Amy gives him a peck. They look at each other and then embraces and kiss again passionately]
[Following Waring Hudsucker's suicide]
It's a pity to waste a whole Monte Cristo.
BM Board Member 1
He could have opened the window.
BM Board Member 2
Waring Hudsucker never did anything the easy way.
MA Myron Addison
Yeah, but why? Why did he do it? Everything was going so well.
What am I, a head shriker. Maybe the man was unhappy?
MA Myron Addison
He didn't look unhappy.
BM Board Member 4
He didn't look rich.
BM Board Member 5
Waring Hudsucker was never an easy man to figure out. He built this company with his bare hands, every step he took was a step up, except of course this last one.
Sure, sure he was a swell fella, but when the president, chairman of the board and owner of 87% of the company stock drops 44 floors...
BM Board Member 7
Counting the mezzanine.
Then the company too has a problem. Stillson, what exactly is the disposition of Waring's stock.
S Stillson
Well as you know, Hud left no will and had no family. The company bylaws are quite clear in that event. His entire portfolio will be converted into common stock and be sold over the counter as of the first of the fiscal year following his demise.
S Stillson
Well, meaning simply that Waring's stock, and control of the company, will be made available to the public January 1st.
Do you mean to say that any slob in a smelly T-shirt will be able to buy Hudsucker stock?
S Stillson
The company bylaws are quite clear.
MA Myron Addison
My God, you're animals. How can you discuss his stock when the man has just leapt 45 floors?
BM Board Member 7
Not counting the mezzanine.
Quit showboating, Addison, the man is gone. The question now is whether we're going to let John Q. Public just waltz in here and buy our company.
BM Board Member 4
What are you suggesting Sidney? Certainly we can't afford to buy an controlling interest.
Not while the stock is this strong. How soon before Hud's paper hits the market?
BM Board Member 8
January 1st.
BM Board Member 2
30 days.
BM Board Member 4
4 weeks.
BM Board Member 5
A month at the most!
One month. To make the blue chip investment of the century look like a round trip ticket on the Titanic.
BM Board Member 7
We play up the fact that Hud is dead.
BM Board Member 4
We depress the stock...
BM Board Member 5
To the point where we can buy 50%.
BM Board Member 7
Not counting the mezzanine.
BM Board Member 5
It could work!
BM Board Member 3
It should work!
BM Board Member 4
It would work!
It's working already. Waring Hudsucker is abstract art on Madison Avenue. What we need now is a new president who will inspire panic in the stockholder.
BM Board Member 6
A puppet.
BM Board Member 5
A proxy.
BM Board Member 2
A pawn.
Sure, sure. Some jerk we can really push around.
[Norville is showing the board his new invention: the hula-hoop]
You know, for kids! It has economy, simplicity, low production cost and the potential for mass appeal, and all that spells out great profitability! I had the boys down at R & D throw together this prototype so that our discussion here could have some focus and to give you gentlemen of the Board a first-hand look at just how exciting this gizmo is! Its fun, it's healthy, it's good exercise; kids'll just love it, and we put a little sand inside to make the experience more pleasant. But the great part is we won't have to charge an arm and a leg!
BM Board Member 1
What if you tire before it's done?
BM Board Member 2
Does it have rules?
BM Board Member 3
Can more than one play?
BM Board Member 4
What makes you think it's a game?
BM Board Member 3
Is it a game?
BM Board Member 5
Will it break?
BM Board Member 6
It better break eventually!
BM Board Member 2
Is there an object?
BM Board Member 1
What if you tire before it's done?
BM Board Member 5
Does it come with batteries?
BM Board Member 4
We could charge extra for them.
BM Board Member 7
Is it safe for toddlers?
BM Board Member 3
How can you tell when you're finished?
BM Board Member 2
How do you make it stop?
BM Board Member 6
Is that a boy's model?
BM Board Member 3
Can a parent assemble it?
BM Board Member 5
Is there a larger model for the obese?
BM Board Member 1
What if you tire before it's done?
BM Board Member 8
What the hell is it?
[Norville is sleeping at his desk]
Say, Buddy... Ya busy?
Looks like ya nodded off there! Say, buddy, ya got a minute?
I like to think so! It's this little idea I been working on. Ya see, I don't intend to be an elevator boy forever. Take a look at this sweet baby! [shows Norville a drawing of a circle] Ya get it, buddy? Incredibly convenient, isn't it? You know, for drinks. [shows Norville a straw] This is how it works, it's these little ridges on the side that give it its whammy! See, ya don't have to drink like this nomore; now you can drink like this. [bends staw] I call it the Buzz-Sucker, get it, buddy? After me! Why, people are just dyin' for a product like this, and the great thing is we won't have to charge an arm and a --
Wait a minute! [He looks at it like when Mussburger first looked at his own invention] This is worthless.
This is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen in my life!
Nobody wants a hare-brained product like this! Ya see, Buzz, it lacks the creative spark, the unalloyed genius that made, say, the hula hoop such a success.
What do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here!
[laughs]
But, buddy, you were --
I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves!
You're fired! Is that plain enough for you, buster!
[Buzz begins to bawl and grabs Norville's legs]
Awwww, buddy --
And don't call me buddy! Out of here!
Aw, please, sir! This job, just running the elevator, it's all I got! I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just, please, let me keep my job! I'm prayin' to ya!
Get out of my office! Get out! [Buzz crawls away crying] Up! Up on your feet! We don't crawl at Hudsucker Industries! Get out! And leave your uniform in the locker room!
I'm sorry, sir... I'm sorry...
